AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

There aren’t 30 kids and not all put into a class gift.

Twin parent here, they need to be paying twice. If mine both get invited to a birthday party we either bring 2 presents or 1 bigger present of an equal value as the 2. But they may not wish to get drawn into the teacher party circus

So how many parents are donating op?

Clearly you need to get a big pen and scribble over ones twins name so the teacher knows this parent isn't nearly as great as you

It’s voluntary! Who cares? It’s not like she’ll be getting 2 for 1 on school trips. And twins is a surprise. For most people, baby number 2 is a choice. I am flabbergasted that people don’t understand that it’s different.

Which was a decision you arguably made when you had two pregnancies....

And did you actually throw away everything your older child used so you had to buy it all again for your younger one?

As a teacher, I would be mortified if someone was trying to police monies given as a gift.

Does it occur to you @TheMumEdit that being petty and judgey like this might be the reason behind you having no close friends?

Op, parents like you are of the reasons I am so glad to be done with the school system. Primary school years were the worst for this kind of shit. As others have pointed out, 6 years in, so probably means that you only have a couple of months left . Why make a big thing about it now? Leaving a bad atmosphere after what has presumably been a lovely 6 years?

I’ve got teacher friends who’ve said they have been embarrassed by the amount given for class collections. They would have been much happier for-the money to have been spent on school supplies via the pta.

Same. I’d rather have nothing than feel like the parents were forced to buy me something.

This
And I think that it isn't right that a set amount is expected per child.
This has always been contraversial.
For some parents, £10 represents a significant percentage of their income and isn't disposable.

Your Relationship with this woman before now? I’m guessing you have watched from the sidelines as she’s developed a wide group of good friends

You shouldn't be specifying how much people 'should' donate. All contributions should be optional and for however much people want. Even if they don't contribute, the child's name should be included on the card. You should purchase gifts based on how much money is donated.

I have done collections before and never commented on how much or little people gave, and reassured people that they didn't need to donate a large or set amount.

It's not the same as dividing the costs of an activity, for example, where all children participated equality - in that instance then, yes, the twin parent would pay 'per child' but this is a different scenario.

I think you can be mildly irked by it if you want, but really don’t think you can/should say anything. It’s voluntary, she can give what she wants.

Wrong. Twins trust did some research and found it costs about £20k more to have twins. Someone has already pointed out that just as a starter you only get one lot of mat leave. Had to move house and buy a bigger car. Wouldn’t have had to do that if I’d just released one egg! I’m just looking at a washing line of uniform, of which I need twice as much all in the same size so can’t pass any down. In sept I’ll have to pay nearly £1000 for a residential. The cost of stuff needed for school is an absolute killer and that’s just one part of it!

You sound thick as bricks and this is the first time I've said that on MN. A self appointed debt collector - "that's the way it's always been done".

My friend is a Dr from India, her salary supports a whole village over there.
YABVU to police what people give or don't give.
Stop with the judging.

I wouldn’t be contributing full stop
I hate this
Speaking as a teacher
Its ridiculous.
We all actually hate it and find it totally cringey
Hope that helps

Agree with various posters you should make it suggested donation for everyone. People can give what they want and what they can afford. It's lovely of you to organise the gift, way beyond your pay grade to care what anyone else chooses to put in.

Whilst I understand the point that twins are 2 people rather than one, you cannot mandate what people contribute.

I once had the task of doing the class collection. I made it very clear that it was voluntary and that all children would be in the card irrespective of contribution. There was no set amount and the range of actual contributions was from £1 to £25 although some gave nothing and that was ok too.

This

I’m a teacher and I absolutely hate hate hate receiving money/tolkens from parents.
It’s embarrassing and I didn’t go in to teaching for all this nonsense and pressure on parents.
Of course I feign delight when I receive my £100s but I always use a big chunk of it to buy Christmas gifts for the church charity.
Please stop asking parents for money, there is no way of knowing who can and can’t afford it.
A homemade card is appreciated much more.
You shouldn’t be policing this nonsense. Hope parents come to their senses one day and realise most teachers hate this.

It's still 240 quid less those that don't put in - probably due to the amount.

If you did £2 a child you would still get almost 50 quid and could be very generous with teacher, TA and box of chocolate for the office.

This.
They might have well paid jobs but might also be mortgaged to the eyeballs etc
Let me tell you teachers don't even care. As if the teacher is going to receive his/her gift and be like well that's £10 light or whatever it is.

Fgs please leave it.

So literally every parent agreed to £10 per child? Is this checked every year to check people’s situations haven’t changed? And that they’re happy to keep paying that?

I wouldn’t be paying a thing if it was me. You can’t dictate what people gift someone else. Teachers get a full salary, they don’t need donations. Any gift should be just that, an amount someone wants to give.

Im sure the teacher would be mortified to learn you’re expecting people to gift a certain amount.

The difference is that with twins it’s unexpected costs. Two baby car seats for example. Plus a car big enough to fit them in..

At our school one of the mums organised a collection each year and completely refused to suggest any amount for people to put in, which I thought was great.