AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

I mean is it really that deep?

it shouldn’t be mandatory

I enjoy threads where judgey small minded OPs like @TheMumEdit have their arse handed to them on plate.

Some people (numerous post on here!) how they have six figure salaries and yet no disposable income. Maybe her dr DH has control of the purse strings. They could be in debt. I don’t think the recipients are going to say “hang on there are 24 children in the class and if my maths is correct these gifts only add up to £230…who hasn’t paid?”
Six years in why are you even wasting your energy thinking about it now?

But you can normally do hand me downs with siblings, at least for the gender neutral stuff. You can’t do that with twins.

Sweet Jesus.

Op get a job or a hobby or a cause or just generally get a life. What bloody difference does it make?!

This is so spiteful and judgy of you.

She sees this situation differently to you (ant the other parent of twins) - it's a contribution from the parents to say thanks. That's literally all there is to it.

There are twins in my DC's class. We do parties, playdates etc with them. I am pretty sure they give one present between them. I am perfectly happy with that and so is DC.

Even worse are the parents who volunteer for everything because they like the importance of being in charge of the school fete and then start criticising and bitching about those who don't.
I hate that.

The pettiness of this

So it’s ok for a parent to opt out completely but not to contribute less per child, or in this case for one child and not the other? You need to get over this. Have you been stewing over this for six years? I feel like giving you the £10 myself. And also, having two under two is not the same as having twins!

I don't think you should count who pays, leave it open if someone wants to contribute that fine if not don't judge.
So much talk cost of living increase many cases teachers are earning lot more then the parents, they are getting paid for their work and holidays. A thank you message should be sufficient a gift is extra.

I hope you are feeling chastised @TheMumEdit, because you absolutely should!

And I hope you now realise that you were wrong about twins not costing more than 2 kids two years apart.

It was definitely more expensive. Had all the hand me downs ready, cot, buggy, you name it and then had to buy an extra one of each. Not to mention one of us had to give up work as nursery for 3 exceeded earnings for one of us by a margin. It’s a constant request of money requests from the school, world book day, Christmas jumper, wear something red, new shoes, trainers etc etc. We were skint for years.

I gave our year five teacher a £30 voucher at Xmas as she had been great with my daughter (different things had gone on). I decided that would cover her for the year so didn’t contribute to the end of year whip round. The CF actually came bowling across the playground with the TA at her side and asked if she had upset me as didn’t see my name in the card!

I said that she hadn’t up til this point. Then we had very heated words in front of 75% of the school community who were gathering in the playground for end of term festivities. Everyone was looking and it was in front of my daughter and many other kids.

Clearly these teachers get used to their couple of hundred quid bonus bung twice yearly (Xmas and end of term) so those saying it doesn’t matter - may be wrong. As I discovered the hard way, cash is king and people turn very nasty and childish where gifts are concerned.

I learnt a very valuable lesson that day and stopped being overly generous to people as nice gestures shouldn’t have a way of coming back to bite you on the backside!

She can pay what she wants. It's not up to you to police it

Many thanks for all your comments . Good to see I have kept the trolls busy ☺️

The amount wasn’t set by me but no one has complained. I’ll have £30 to spend over all age groups. As I said originally I share the collection for this year group and it’s the other mums turn this year. She received the money from parent in question last night hence her asking me my thoughts. I doubt she will actually say to her but it’s hit a nerve.

The twin mum isn’t popular within the group which seems to be as she’s braggy but I don’t speak much to her as she has girls so not much cross over. Seems she’s braggy but not generous in reality 🫣 Although from Mumsnet seems twin mums seem triggered anyway. Having two 12 months apart wasn’t cheap but I’m not reducing my contribution to their teacher as I feel hard down by!

Bloody hell. That’s terrible. £30
is very generous

Are you happy for your twins to receive 1 card and 1 present between them? If you expect 2 cards and 2 presents, then yes you're unreasonable to only give 1 card and present.

This is a difficult one (although it shouldn't be, but some people seem to like adding complexity). The first year I did it I put all the names on the card, then I had a parent say shouldn't have put their name on the card as they were doing a gift separately, and another moan that names on the card without contributing.

So now I do a gift collection for money, plus a whatts app group for messages - parents can have their child's name added whether they contribute or not, but I don't add if they don't message

And this is why on another thread you post about having no close friends @TheMumEdit

Let this be a lesson to you op

it won’t be. Too late for you change. This kind of nasty judginess is ingrained

Twin mum I know thinks she should only pay once for school trips, residentials etc and is very annoyed when school refuses. She only pays once for all teacher collections. Very strange thinking IMO.

Interesting people saying about teachers accepting that value. No one at the school ever said anything about the value.

It is supposed to be declared if a single gift is over a particular value - It was around £10 but may have changed. It's to do with bribery, corruption and back handers etc

If my children receive a birthday party invitation I don’t bring a present each from them and I honestly don’t think many people do. Nor do I expect it when I invite siblings.

The twin mum isn’t popular within the group

and nor are you by the sounds of it

Ffs. Get a grip!

Yes, the contribution should be per child.

no, you can’t say anything. Parents are free to contribute as little or as much as they want.

This parent gives 5 per child and that is fine.

I picked up on this - hadn’t realised we were fighting for friends at school drop off 😂. Think I mustn’t be popular either!