DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

[Z0rr0]

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

Ok well this was entertaining but some of you commenters make a nest of vipers seem friendly. I’m happy to be a generous person who likes to make food for their kid’s friends. I guess I’ll lower my expectations as far as others are concerned.

Of course we would have food in, everybody would. I’m sure your daughter’s friends had plenty of food available. I just don’t make/offer food for older teens because they would much prefer to make it themselves. I’ve invested time and energy in making sure my teens can cook for themselves. My oldest is a great cook. He would definitely get food for his friends if they wanted some. And his friends would definitely say if they were hungry! My children are often home alone, especially after school while we are working, often friends come home with them after school. There is always plenty of food in the house. If they’re hungry they will eat! My 13 year old would probably sort food for himself and friends but I might still offer at their age. Maybe start encouraging a bit more independence for your dd op?

I think we might be in the minority. We always provide a meal/hearty snack and the visiting teenagers often behave as if it’s unusual ie effusive thanks and sometimes offer DS money 😂 Which indicates that it’s not the norm to be fed at other people’s houses these days.

Again though how do you know these parents didn't have food in that your daughter could have eaten. We're they meant to make her lunch before going out. You seem intent on seeing the bad in them and wanting someone to blame.

4 kids here. 20 years of hosting and my children having been hosted.

This was very poor.
It is normal to provide food or a plan for your children to provide food.

This is very poor and what I would expect from poor parents that dont provide properly for their children and their children haven't been socialised to host.

Sandwiches.
Toasties
Frozen pizzas
Sausages, chips etc.
Pasta chicken and pesto..

All foods my kids would provide for any peer.
Normal basic food.

Very very strange for no food to be provided.
A very poor house and parents that are poor.

I would ask my daughter if she’s offered food to her guests. It’s how I was brought up. My mum would have asked me and my sister would have asked her son.
Tbh my family would disown me if they knew that my DD’s friend only had crisps for the whole day at my house. We are not a perfect family but our guests are always fed (at least offered)

If the host genuinely has nothing in, then they can explain that 🤷‍♀️

Or, in the interest of helping your own daughter in life so that she doesn’t struggle with a lack of independence, you could take on board that most 17 year olds can and do cook their own lunch. Or carry on thinking your way is superior.

Not society. Mumsnet, it is wise not to confuse them...

Would you expect them to give their friend a cooked meal given it was only a few hours?

I wonder if it’s connected to the fairly constant snacking that happens when children are small? (No criticism but just an observation)

When I went to school I often couldn’t be arsed to have breakfast so the first time I ate would be about 12 noon, with a cup of water, then nothing to eat or drink until 6.00.

They shouldn’t have to.

I think it would be equally rude to visit someone’s house and order food. Im
shocked at some of the responses on here tbh, looks like no one offers food and it’s considered normal.

Most people expect teenagers to sort themselves out at this age, in fact most 17yos wouldn’t thank you for butting in fussing about sandwiches when they’ve got a friend over! If your daughter couldn’t tell her friend she was hungry, or pop out for a meal deal, that is squarely on her.

Why not?

They can just say they’re waiting on a food shop or something.

That's really quite shocking that a 16/17yr old isn't able to cook for herself (unless she has a medical reason of course). Didn't she do Food Tech at school? Have you never taught her how to cook? I was cooking for myself long before that, probably from about 12. I was working and cooking (independently without help) for dozens of people at age 16. I moved out of home at 16yrs old just before turning 17yrs and loved being so independent. You're doing your daughter a massive disservice in life by not teaching her basic life skills.

I’m AuDHD and society’s rules are indeed complex so better to err on the side of not asking for things. If you have the sort of social circle where is acceptable then fine but plenty of us find it appallingly rude.

Take food or drink with you

Totally agree OP ...basic hospitality

Age is irrelevant, she was their guest

Hah yes, you make a good point.

Luckily all my friends and family are much more relaxed than people appear to be on here

Why would you put your friend into the position where they have to make an excuse?

Would you ask for something specific or just something to eat?

So in your world it’s “appallingly rude” to ask for a banana or some toast, but perfectly acceptable to whip out a sandwich and start eating? 🤣

I would just ask if they had anything to eat. I’m not asking if they can cook me lunch - just a banana or some toast or an apple would be fine.

She was the 17yo DD’s guest.

Think you missed out the most important part that she is hardly a child . At 17 she could sort herself out

No, absolutely not a full meal if they are only here for a few hours. If they were here over lunchtime then DS would do sandwich or panini or similar. They are often starving after school so might do something similar for himself and friends for after school snack. He can cook full meals (he’s expected to cook dinner once a week) but I don’t think he’s ever cooked a full meal for friends. We eat as a family at dinner so if they had friends over for dinner I would usually cook.

I suspect it was deliberate so as to tip the vote in her favour.