DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

[Z0rr0]

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

Well I feel robbed want my poll result changed 🤣

She's a virtual adult, not a child of 7. It's up to her what she does in these circumstances.

You can change it by clicking the other result.

Gosh when mine were 17 I just left them to it. They often had friends round and I just let them got in with it. If they wanted to cook they could- sometimes they’d order pizza. Was I supposed to check in with them that they’d eaten? It never crossed my mind.

Sorry op at 17 your daughter can source and get food and drink. If 5 it be a different answer. Yes yabu.

I would find that awkward. If you are visiting someone and they offer, fine. If they don’t and you really can’t manage without food or drink then perhaps pack something for emergencies

I would consider the 17 year old the host in this situation,

especially if the parents were out.

i’d hope my dc would offer food. I’d also hope their guests could ask them (not me as the parent, especially if I’m not even in the house) for food.

at that age they float in and out of other people’s houses all the time and honestly I’m only sorting food for them if I expect them (and even then I’d probably suggest takeout because who keeps enough food for several hungry teens in the house?)

Why is it awkward?

IMO you shouldn’t have guests if you aren’t prepared to offer them food and drink, even if it’s just a cup of tea and a couple of digestives.

I would think someone incredibly rude if they popped over to see me, opened their bag and started eating their own lunch or snack 🤣

Was your DD upset to have not been offered lunch or is it YOU who is upset?

Because many a time I have come home from work during the holidays to my teenage kids to find they had had a movie/gaming day and eaten a family pack of Cheesy Doodles or a box of Jaffa Cakes or chocolate - and never got around to eating lunch because they were full of crisps....

But I would expect them to fend for themselves at that age - especially given you write that the parents went out. I would not have given it a second thought (or questioned them on what they had for lunch at 17).

But then again I live in a country where many kids live in unsupervised, self-catering student accommodation for A-levels at age 15-16 and are expected to look after themselves.

“I’d left home at 17 and so had Ds1
It wouldn’t have occurred to my mum to ask if I ate lunch when I was out with my friends. I never asked ds1 about his earring habits!”
I meant eating habits! DS doesn’t have an earring!!

"We gave her a decent early dinner" - hilarious!! I fear for the future when this generarion is in the workplace!

People always talk about ‘guests’. To me, guests are those you have expressly invited and when there is a clear understanding of what is expected. So if you invite them for a meal then of course. Otherwise it’s tea/instant coffee/water.

If someone comes over without warning then they can make their own arrangements! It comes from the way so was brought up (although my parents were generous people with visitors and they would offer and in fact sometimes did impromptu meals etc but I was never comfortable with that) and also from not generally having more than a little bit of food in the house when I lived alone. (No milk, bread etc).

I would be mortified to ask for or accept anything unless I was there expressly for a meal

This is the issue -
she is not self sufficient in ensuring she eats regularly -
I would start here and work on instilling a good self directed routine,
I would not expect another family to make sure she eats

Ha! Love this. True

At 17, I’d expect her to buy her own lunch. Even my 13 year old has a job and would buy her own lunch on a day out with friends. When I was 17, I was living on my own about an 8 hour drive from my parents and fending for myself. 😂

I don’t think anyone is saying that your daughter should have been denied food. Most people are suggesting that teens are generally capable of making lunch for themselves. Your DD’s friend is the one who should have offered lunch, not her parents. By this age, many teens would be mortified if their parents stepped in. And if the friend didn’t offer anything, it would have been perfectly acceptable for your DD to say that she was a bit hungry. There was nothing dramatic or complicated about this situation. Just a couple of teens who perhaps didn’t communicate as well as they should have.

I voted YANBU then saw the age of your child. She should’ve spoken up for herself if hungry. Essentially though, this is a difference in hosting styles. You’d have fed her: her friend’s parents did not.

I wonder if they ate A LOT of crisps and totally filled up on them which OP's dd tried to play down as she knows OP would not approve! 😂

They propably should have offered lunch but if they didn't have anything either then it's not like they left her out. They just might not have lunch and didn't occur to offer anything cause it is not their normal

It would never occur to me that two 17yo in a city wouldn't sort out their own lunch. If I was there and making my own of course I would offer, but if not..

According to OP the parents went out and it was just the two 17 year olds (eating crisps)

Yeah at 17 I would expect my own kid to sort out food for them and their mates. Although I would bark a reminder at some point if I saw they had just eaten crisps all day.

My dc is mid teens, I had lost count of the number of meals I have cooked for their friends over the years. However in the last couple of years, if a friend was around for quite a while I would ask if anyone was hungry and when they inevitably say yes, tell my teen to make them all something basic like noodles or quesidillas.

if we are out with teens friends and eating in a restaurant, then yes they are included.

I dont cater for them anymore really, but keep an at distance eye on things and remind my teen to feed her friends!

Also at this age, the friends always bring their own money if we are out and the teens suit themselves a lot of the time.

i can see that if there are difficulties with social interactions these unsaid assumptions could be opaque, particularly if not round the other family much.

Why would you be mortified to accept a cup of tea or some cake?

Yes I know this. I’m not stupid.

My comment was in jest!