DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

[Z0rr0]

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

Totally, some people on this thread are nuts.

But why blame the parents that weren't even present

Oh my OP, she’s 17. I don’t offer my own 17 year old lunch let alone all her friends that are in the house all the time! Nor my 14 year old and his friends.

I expect them to sort themselves out. More than welcome to help themselves to any thing in the kitchen, of course, but it doesn’t enter my head to ensure they’re fed.

Poor manners on behalf of the other 17 year old, sure, but the parents weren't even home

Someone should have offered your DD some food. And I can understand her not asking—she shouldn't have to, and she might feel awkward asking. The friend's parents should have either made lunch or taught their daughter how to host. When you have friends over at lunchtime, you serve lunch.

Well, as I've said upthread, even the National Autism society discusses 'mild' autism. It's the OP who thinks that her 17yo might be a bit autistic, awaiting diagnosis. The very fact that her daughter has gone through the education system, with no special needs provision, suggests that if she is diagnosed as having autism, i.e. in her case with some autistic traits, it will be mild. Nobody is dismissing autism, 'spectrum' suggests different shades, strengths, whatever

My DS is 17 and often has his mates round to the house. I’ve never ever offered them food or drinks…I just expect them to help themselves to whatever they want and they do! I would have thought these parents would have assumed the same.

I wouldn’t have anyone at my home for that length of time without offering food, maybe they expected their child to sort out lunch for them both ?

I would not rummage through someone else's cupboards and refrigerator looking for food unless they expressly told me to help myself. I gather that DD's friend did not tell her where the food was or to help herself if she got hungry.

Yes. I agree thats quite a different scenario.

I think it’s weird but some people genuinely don’t eat much. I’ve met people who only eat one big meal a day for example, they might just be that sort of family. I remember whenever I went to my friend’s house for tea I always came back starving because she had an au pair who could only make eggy bread so we’d just get one slice of that! My mum would be seething every time.

Well that's a reasonable assumption. They aren't 6

She's big enough to make her own packed lunch

While I think it's a bit odd they didn't offer her food she's almost an adult she can ask or provide her own

She’s old enough to take some money herself.
Gosh I thought she was 7 ir 8 lol

You said the parents weren’t in. It’s weird that you expect your daughter’s friend to cook for two people when you haven’t even taught your daughter how to cook for one yet.

It’s not a play date for kids. I’m sure the parents thought they would sort themselves out with food. I was at my friends houses all the time when I was a teen, don’t think they ever offered lunch. Dinner was different.

But the friend's parents went out. They probably assumed their own DD had offered something. We don't even know whether the 17 year olds were happy to just eat crisps as OP hasn't answered the question of whether her dd was upset or not.

I can't understand that a 17 year old wouldn't have a "what are we doing for lunch?" conversation with her friend

‘Mild’ yes

’A bit’ no

Not everyone would allow that though

The vast majority of people would. It is the norm for older teenagers to have access to food, and to be allowed to prepare it.

I agree but the DD needs to be told she is free to help herself to anything in the refrigerator or cupboard.

As soon as mine were old enough to drive "making lunch" went out the window and they and friends would drive to town for Subways, salads, pizza or sushi. Although DD1 (ASD/ADHD) and her best friend used to prepare various things - crisp sandwiches, pancakes - or during their Dr Who phase - fish finger and custard sandwiches!

Yes, her friend dropped the ball there (not the parents, she wasn’t their guest). If the DD had spoken up, she probably would have been told what was available. It would be very unusual for the answer to be “sorry, we’re not allowed to take any food unless my parents serve it to us”.

Or the 17 year old needs to say to her 17 year old friend what shall we do for lunch? Are you hungry? I'm going to go to the shop etc.

"They don’t live near shops / food places so no opportunity to pop out and get something".

You expect the DD to say "I am hungry, what have to got to eat"? No, it is up to the friend to offer. DD is a guest and may feel awkward asking for food. I would.