DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

[Z0rr0]

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

Tbf most adults can cope with breakfast, some crisps during the day and a big early dinner

I’m also boggled. The parents weren’t hosting the girl. The person issuing the invitation was the 17 yr old friend. Up to her to offer her friend some lunch or arrange something between them.
It’s absolutely nothing to do with the parents who sound like they just cracked on with their day and went out (as you can do when your child is 17 not 7)
If I invite my friend round of course I’d offer food and drink.
By end of yr12 they make their own arrangements. Mum is it ok if I invite Jane over on Sunday. Yes. They then sort themselves out eg may go out or may make something. I always had food in freezer (quorn nuggets and fries) If she asked specifically I might put ingredients on my shopping eg she might say me and Grace fancy Caesar salad on Sunday could you get some chicken please.
What I wouldn’t do is take it upon myself to insert myself in DD’s business. Calling them to come down and have lunch with me sat there dishing up food my dd would have been mortified. I had a very open house and got on well with DD’s friends (one calls me her second mum) but at end of day they aren’t my friends and deserve to be allowed to spend time together as they please. Fast forward a year and they’ll be seeing each other at their respective universities and sort their own food out.

Yes, it would be helpful to have different names, I think. Again, you've more or less agreed with what I've said. Can't see anywhere I've dismissed mild autism

It’s not healthy or sustainable though. And definitely shouldn’t be encouraged or normalised.

A toasted muffin and some crisps (what OP described) isn’t healthy or nutritious. Something like that can can cause energy crash outs and dips in blood sugars.

I am younger than Gen X and my parents would have been furious if I had have asked for food at a friend's house as a child! Terribly rude. Some of my friends did that at my house and were harshly come down upon, as a child it had been drilled into me how terribly rude it was, that I found it shocking at the time.
It might not be the case so much now but I absolutely wouldn't dream of it. At 17 though, I was earning and would either just eat once home or buy something myself.

At 17 I think it was on you to make sure she had £ to buy food in this situation OP (I am making the assumption that you support her, it doesn't seem she earns)? I would've sent her to the event with a tenner to grab a sandwich or something.

I think this is a bit weird. When my daughter has friends over during a meal time. I always check what they are doing for food even if they are sorting it out for themselves.

Yeah. I thought the 'child' was 7, not 17.
17 is a young adult, not a child.

Your parents would have been furious if you were hungry and asked for some toast or banana? Really? That feels like such a massive overreaction to me.

I don't know. I remember going to friends houses at that age and I wasn't offered lunch

No they can't. That's a terrible way to live, all day on crisps, then big early dinner. Not healthy, not nice

If she is autistic (can’t be just a bit autistic) one of the traits is alexythemia - not recognising your one body signals for things like being hungry, thirsty, hot, cold and also emotions. As a parent of an autistic teen I have to remind her to eat frequently. So I’m guessing OP’s teen might need reminding to eat if not eating to a schedule like in school or with family.

My 13 year old has friends round and I offer food and remind her to offer food and sometimes they pop out and buy from local shop.

Please don’t, the commenters up in arms about how guests should “source their own food” or “sort themselves” are grim and definitely not what the world needs more of! I can’t imagine not offering a guest something to eat if they were in my home all day, regardless of their age. The family is weird, you are being completely reasonable!

THIS!

Don't be a helicopter parent

Also, in the heat, many people don't eat much !

Me neither, but this girl was a guest of the DD, the parents weren't there all day. In that case I'd expect my DD and her friend to sort tjemselves out.

I’m imagining that scene in the film Mean girls where the Mom inserts herself in the bedroom with the teen girls saying I’m not a regular mom I’m a cool mom and wants to talk about boys.
Mine would have been mortified if I’d been knocking on the door saying do you and Katie want drink or shouting upstairs time for lunch now girls. They are 17.

She's 17 if she was a little kid then I would have got being a bit annoyed but she's basically an adult if she wants food she could have grabbed something from the cafe at the activity surely!

If my kid had a friend over I’d ask if they’d eaten though, and make sure the friend knew they could help themselves at the very least. That’s how I was raised. A lot of the weirdly angry comments seem to think offering teenagers food is almost socially unacceptable, it’s absolutely bizarre.

She's 17? When I read this I thought this was about a young DC I have to be honest..... also mine DS's 10 & 7 have been hone all weekend but playing out with friends..... they ate lunch once all weekend..... other than that they snacked and ate total junk tbh but then a big tea/dinner and guess what.... their absolutely fine they were enjoying their time with friends in the sun and totally lived their best lives. At 17 I think she should be taking responsibility for herself and her eating OP this is an issue with your DD not the other family.

I think your the issue here then you need to teach her some independence being 17 this could potentially mean she's going off to uni soon so she needs to learn to care for herself before then. I get making one meal a day (like dinner as a family) but making all her meals is a bit overkill (can she make a bowl of Cereal for herself for breakfast or do you do it all for her)🙈😂

I'd be annoyed to learn my DD hadn't fed her guest, but I wouldn't necessarily have done it myself, especially if I wasn't eating.

She's basically an adult though not a little kid she's 17 if you haven't got that far down the posts.

That's nothing I was invited to s birthday gathering where NO FOOD was there !!!!

At 17 I'd expect her to have the ability to discuss lunch provisions and buy herself something when out if the family didn't plan to eat until later that evening after she left. She needs to learn resilience and not to expect to be provided for.

It's poor hosting - the friend should have offered lunch imo. A 17yo should be aware of basic hosting. My 12yo has friends over a lot and she always offers them drinks, snacks and lunch - if I'm not around, she will at least makes some bagels, if there's nothing preplanned like a pizza she can heat up.

I would see this as a learning opportunity for your dd and how she'd deal with it next time - simply saying, So what shall we do about lunch? would open up with conversation. My 14yo has ASD and needs more explicit examples for social situations.

It's obviously not the end of the world but definitely worth discussing how to deal with.

This person is 17 not 7 as I thought. Presumably independent and a mind of her own ? So shee ecognises being hungry?