DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

[Z0rr0]

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

I was super sympathetic to this until I saw she was 17!! At that age and if the parents were out why didn't she go "mate, it's lunchtime what shall we eat?" Even if friend says "well I'm not hungry" she could ask to get herself something.
Teenagers of that age are able to go out, cook something etc. I don't make my 10 year old lunch on the holidays - he sorts himself a bagel/wrap/omelette and if he had a friend round I'd probably say "why don't you have a go at making lunch for friend too". By 17 I'm seeing that wholly as their entire responsibility and I don't see the parents as remotely responsible for your dd, she is at her friends house. The friend does need a few more social manners but dd should've said something if she was hungry!

Oh dear. You are babying her. Let her find her feet. At 17 she should be able to sort this! At the very least ask or make her own lunch to take.

Is this real?? Someone's winding us up!

At a friends, yes they would have been. Not at home.

Blimey 😧

We did discuss upthread that asking for things in other people’s houses is for a lot of people a sign of a total lack of social manners!

Nobody is arguing that people should perhaps offer but the issue is with people asking

This is alien to me OP. Terrible 😞

By equating it to ‘a bit autistic’. Autism isn’t something you have a ‘bit’ of. That’s a dismissive attitude.

The challenges faces by each person are on a complex gradient.

But people are determined to gatekeep the term.

If it was a birthday or a special day I would have bought food in especially. Otherwise, at 17 I would not really have thought about offering food - I don't make my just turned 18 year old any lunch or ask him what he wants because he will get it and make it himself when hungry.
As a parent, I would have assumed my child would sort out food for themselves and friends at home, or they would buy it elsewhere. If none of them were eating I would have assumed it was a choice - for example, my son just made lunch at 5pm! I might ask if they were going to have lunch, but if I was busy or going out I probably wouldn't have thought twice.

It appears that plenty of us learnt early on how rude it is! People tend to be drawn to people with similar values fortunately.

I have only had a couple of instances when someone has been ill mannered enough to ask for stuff for themselves and fortunately they are no longer in my life

I'm not sure I'd look to you to learn about what's rude given your previous comments on this thread, lol.

Fair enough - I would say the same 😬

I mean at 17 she won’t starve, she’s fine to miss a meal, I was regularly not eating til the evening at that age. Yes it would have been nice if they’d offered food, but at that age she should be more self sufficient. She’s basically an adult for gods sake!

I would! If I was hosting my childs school friend. I would absolutely offer at least a light lunch!

Where was the activity? If she was out at somewhere with food options like a burger van or shops I would fully expect a 17 year old to have money with them and just say they were going to grab a bite to eat. Did she say she’d wanted lunch? As someone else said, appetites can be less in the heat.
If she was at someone’s house for all or most of the day I can see why it might be more difficult to speak up and say you are hungry.

Perhaps the parents were not around? For example, I can imagine the teen not thinking to ask the friend if he wanted food. Although, my dc offer food to their friends and we always do too. They are also always offered food at play dates. But when older people might just assume they are capable to sor themselves out? My daughter is 14 so if they are hungry they make themselves food. But I also ask the dc when over if they want anything such as drinks, snack etc.

I would have assumed two 17 year olds could sort lunch out between them.

The OPs daughter was alone with her friend at lunchtime. Why would parent go back to make a spot of lunch for them. Seems like it was the friend hosting not the friends mothee

So her and her mate were home alone and she didn't say she was hungry or suggest getting some food or clem home early to eat? I assumed she was 5. She needs to use her voice.

Wow my kids have regularly asked for stuff and they are still in my lives.

Even as grown adults they can come into my house and get food if they are hungry, as long as they leave me enough milk for cup of tea

My DC are 16 and 18 and I don't make food for their friends. I would expect them to offer food and drink to their guests themselves.

I wouldn’t see myself as hosting DD’s 17 yr old friend.
It’s not like mum asking another mum if they want their dd to come over on a play date.
With younger child absolutely I’d have asked dd if she wants Jane to come over to play. Text Jane’s mum. Supervise as appropriate and give them lunch - my go to was always pizza.
But in sixth form I’d leave them to it, it’s dd who has asked her over.
I’d think it very odd if I was expected to cancel my plans to come back home to make lunch for two 17 year olds sat there like baby cuckoos.

If the parents went out, they probably expected the 17 year olds to make their own lunch. I have a tween and a younger teen and they have done their own lunches for a long time. If I was home I would make sure they offered their guest a proper lunch but if I was out I would definitely expect them to fend for themselves at 17. I also thought this post was about little children to start with.

She’s 17, it’s hotter than Satans ass crack and she was with her friend not the parents. All I ate yesterday was a bag of skips and an ice cream nobody wants food in this heat.

Yanbu, it's basic hospitality. I'd have expected to be offered lunch at 1-ish. It's poor manners not to.