DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

[Z0rr0]

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

OP doesn’t seem worked up so she doesn’t need to calm down. You’re being far more dramatic than OP is.

If my DC were hosting a 17yo friend and I was coming and going, I'd expect them to sort their own food out between them TBH. DC would know they can offer what there is, but I wouldn't be preparing lunch at an allotted time.

She’s old enough to find/buy/ask for food. I thought you’d say she was a 9-year old at a play date.

When mine were that age and had friends round I didn't get involved in keeping them fed and watered.
Its hardly a play date is it?

To dismiss ‘mild’ autism as ‘a little’ autistic is quite offensive as well as it belittles the struggles that people with the condition deal with.

I agree there should be a distinction. But someone high functioning shouldn’t be dismissed as if they aren’t affected day to day by a condition that few others understand.

Of course it isn’t the same as being non verbal or unable to ever be independent so perhaps people should campaign for a new name for the severe type to distinguish it
as this always seems to come up.

To all those who voted before the OP disclosed that the child in question is 17 - you do know you can change your vote, don't you? I've just changed mine

I was expecting you to say she was 6 or 7! Not 17!

Either way, missing a single meal at that age, isn't going to do her any harm. Lesson learned, next time she needs to speak up if she's starving. Even if she just says to her friend, "Can I have a sandwich or something? I'm pretty hungry."

It was eight hours - she had breakfast, she had crisps during the day and she had dinner when she got home.

She is almost a grown woman and the OP hasn’t helped her navigate this (around any difficulties she may have).

Before I got to the post about her age I thought you were talking about a five year old.

How do you know that? It's a bit of a sweeping generalization about people you don't know. I find your comment rather patronizing.

My DD is diagnosed with ADHD/ASD.- but then again she was fully capable of making food for herself/friends much earlier than 17. She did her own breakfast from around the age of 8.

I have one with autism and one with ADHD, both diagnosed, and I think OP is being ridiculous.

Sorry OP I have to agree with the others your opening post read like you were talking like a young child. At 17 my parents weren’t responsible for making sure I ate during the day. They made sure the fridge and cupboards were stocked and then it was on me. Most 17 year olds are pretty self sufficient your DDs friend should’ve offered her something or your DD should’ve spoke up.

Normally, if you are hosting a child at your house or you are out for the day you provide them with food.

When I have children visiting, I make sure I've got plenty of snacks and an appropriate lunch.

She’s not a child. She’s a young woman a few months away from being a grown woman

When my son has friends around, I might say something like there is fresh bread in the bread bin, or use up the ham but don't eat the sausages as they are for dinner. I would then leave them to get on with it.

I would expect my own 17 and 18 year olds to sort out their own lunch from what is in the fridge/kitchen, and make something for their friend at the same time. It probably wouldn't occur to me to make them something special if we weren't spending the day with them.

At 7 or 8 years old I would definitely have fed them.

Did the parents even know they were "hosting" a guest? Or was your DD just there because she was doing something with her friend?

The weird drip feed about your DD's age suggests you knew that her being 17 would significantly shift people's opinions. I think the biggest issue here is your DD's lack of independence (which, from what you've said, is probably because you seem to think she needs cared for in the same was as a 7yo).

If my 17yo's friend was in the house and I was cooking, I'd offer them something. If I was carrying on with my day and had my own plans, I wouldn't be going out of my way to 'host' a 17yo who happened to have been in my house, on the basis if my own 17yo can fend for himself with access to my fridge then so can the visiting one

You're not alone OP. If i had a group of friends over, I would never dream of not offering food and drink?

It seems exceptionally strange to invite anyone over amd not offer anything, even something basic like cheese amd crackers or fruit, to eat.

Her friend's family are tight and rude.

You are not weird.

MN is a vipers nest.

As someone from a culture where people tend to be chronic feeders, I can never get this idea of extending hospitality and not making feeding your guests a priority. Friends were coming to my house having big hot meals, as well as snacks, and even their parents were offered food at pickup. Same with my friends from similar cultures. But it's not a priority for everyone and I have learned to gage when I need to eat first for certain invites and I ain't been wrong!

17!!!! At first I sympathised because I imagined a hungry little 7 year old. Now I’m laughing my head off. Ridiculous that you have posted this.

BUT I must add that’s bang out of order not to offer food but at 17 I doubt there will be lasting damage.

When I offer my daughters friends (also 17), a sandwich or something for lunch- they just cringe and say they are going to go to our local co op for a Meal deal, or just want crisps or chocolate? So no 8hrs wouldn’t surprise me with no lunch, just feed when home! X

Why are people struggling with this. If I invited friends round I would offer them food and drink of course. If my teenage children invited friends round (so my children are hosting) my children would offer food and drink. What people are laughing at is the idea that the friends parents should have provided food. The dd and her friend are adults and should have sorted themselves out. No decent parent would be checking in on their 17 year old! That would be embarrassing for everyone. Decent parents would have raised their children to be independent enough to deal with this themselves. My mind is well and truly boggled at the idea of wanting this much involvement with a 17 year olds arrangements with their friends.

At 17 I was working, driving and had been cooking most own meals. She could have ordered take out or suggested it to her friend if she was hungry. 17 is fully old enough to sort yourself out or at least speak up and make suggestions. If she can't do this then I think that's your fault for doing everything for her so she hasn't learnt these skills yet

If your daughter was at my house I absolutely would have offered her some lunch, snacks on tap and drinks!

But this is Mumsnet, where I’ve learnt that competitive undereating is very much a “thing”, where people don’t bother with breakfast or lunch and can go all day without eating.

Sadly, I think your daughter was at the house of this type of family.