AIBU to stop therapy after learning my therapist’s husband is Reform?

[CanyonRider]

I live in a small town. I started having therapy maybe a year ago. I feel it’s been working for me and I like my therapist. However I realised today that she is (very very recently) married to a man who recently stood and won as a reform councillor in our local election. I detest reform. I’m married to an immigrant (EU citizen) and am delighted that my kids are dual nationals and have the option of travelling, working and living in the EU should they desire. I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV. Finally I cannot stand Farage and the political grift embodied by people like him and Jenrick and am dismayed by the harms caused by Brexit.

My therapist is also an EU national and is here under indefinite leave to remain - as is my wife.
Read a few interviews with her husband today and he spouts the usual anti EU, anti immigration, anti green transition rhetoric you’d expect from Reform. I don’t feel comfortable continuing therapy with someone who’s married to a reform politician, and am very surprised that she is comfortable with his views and by extension those of Farage.

Am I overreacting?

I agree we need new infrastructure. But you are skipping over the central problem: we cannot afford to destroy what is left of our industrial base while building it.

The UK already has some of the highest industrial electricity costs in the developed world. That is not a small detail. It means factories, steel, chemicals, manufacturing and heavy industry become less competitive, investment goes elsewhere, and we end up poorer and more dependent on imports.

That is not “embracing the transition”. That is outsourcing our emissions and calling it virtue. It's not reducing carbon output either it's just moving it to another country.

Nobody serious is saying “never build renewables” or “never build new infrastructure”. The point is sequencing. Build nuclear. Build grid capacity. Use solar and wind where they work. Keep domestic oil and gas while we still need them. Do not kneecap British industry before the replacement system is actually there.

And remember, the rest of the world is not looking at Britain’s energy policy and thinking “what a brilliant model”. They can see the bills, the deindustrialisation risk, the grid constraints and the fantasy timetable.

Net zero may be admirable as an aim. I agree with the philosophy. But pursuing it in a way that makes the country poorer, weaker and more dependent is self-defeating and obviously so.

I have a coworker who was a vocal Brexiteer and then off she went to get her EU passport too (Irish).

Behold the intellectual limits of the far left.

Well said!

Not just one, but two, count them TWO!!, of my partners were born American! Shun me! (For the record, neither of them is still American. But mud sticks!)

I would just find someone else. It will not help if you add politics into why you are leaving her service. You may not be the only one who does, and it may be for the same reasons.

I think yanbu.

The most important thing in a therapist is to be someone you can trust, because you have to open yourself to significant vulnerability.

Although she's not Reform herself, if she is genuinely ok with her DH being such an awful person then that's such a deep character flaw that she cannot be the recipient of that kind of trust from you.

Is there any chance that she's just as horrified, is at the very least emotionally checked out of the marriage, if not separating, but is not giving you that level of info about her personal life? I think she might be ok in those circumstances.

Do you think we should avoid holidaying in Italy?

Why would I pay money for my mental health support into the family of someone whose family is working aganst the country I believe in and want to live in?

Take your business elsewhere if you want to, @CanyonRider You are free to choose.

But that is not Reform policy.

Reform’s stated policy is about illegal migration, border control and people with no legal right to be here. It is not removing non-white British citizens from the country.

Even Restore, who are well to the right of Reform on immigration, do not have a policy of removing non-white British citizens. So claiming this is Reform’s position is just wrong.

You have jumped from “some supporters may hold racist views” to “the party is far-right and racist and its voters are radicalised”. That is a huge leap.

People may vote Reform for immigration levels, public services, housing, energy bills, crime, Brexit, or because they feel ignored by Labour and the Conservatives. Pretending every Reform voter wants your husband or daughter removed from the country is not a fair or serious argument and only dilutes the very reasonable and very much needed criticisms of Reform.

So whats wrong with that ? No different. to voting Brexit ' which made the country poorer, weaker and more dependent'.

At least with Net Zero there is an aim.of trying to make the earth a better place.

Yeah I'd question her judgement whether she holds the views or not. I wouldn't share my life with someone who would vote Reform and I wouldn't trust someone who did to offer any meaningful insights on what it is to be human.

Ah, the There Were Many Ordinary Germans argument

At least they have their own teeth.

I wouldn’t continue to go to her. No way would I be putting any of my money into a house that supports Reform.

And, hand on heart, if DH said to me he was voting for them I’d tell him to think very hard about it because if he did that would be us done.

What will you do if Reform win the next election (very likely) and you are faced with the reality that a third of the people you see on the street voted for Farage?

Serious question.

I'm voting Monster Raving Loony party BTW.

Finding a good therapist, let alone one who is the right one for you, isn't easy, particularly in a small town. In your shoes, that's the relationship I'd be focused on and not her relationship with her husband. But if your opinions about him (and I would share them tbh) are undermining your trust in her, then of course you should make the choice that's right for you. The odd bit is why you care what we think, which I find really baffling. If we said YABU, would you stick with her after all? And if so, why?

Sure you are.🙄

Same thing I was doing for 14 years of the Tories, Brexit and fucking moronic responses to the pandemic.

That is not really an argument, is it?

You are saying: “Brexit may have made us poorer, so why object if net zero makes us poorer too?” That is not a defence of net zero.If anything more reason not to as we are a bit poorer.

And “at least it has a nice aim” does not solve any problem. Lots of bad policy has a nice aim. I'd say they all mean to do somethign good. The question is whether the policy is affordable, deliverable and timed properly.

If the result is higher bills, weaker industry, more imported goods, more reliance on China, and carbon emissions simply being moved abroad (and therefore higher), then we have not saved the planet. We have just made ourselves poorer while pretending to be virtuous. And made things worse.

Build the infrastructure. Build nuclear, grid capacity, storage, and renewables where they work. But do not cripple the country before the replacement system exists. Cos thats mental.

If it affects your ability to work with her then find a new therapist. The reason doesn’t matter.

Hope you enjoyed the last two hugely successful years of milk and honey under Labour :D

I'm not going to tell other people where to go on holiday, but personally, I would certainly think twice before spending my money in certain regimes.

I'm far more concerned about what is happening in the UK though, and I wouldn't knowingly or willingly purchase goods or services from anyone who was actively supporting or promoting the far right. I can't control their views or their behaviour, but I can at least control how I spend my own money.

This. You are clearly affected by your therapist''s marriage to a Reform councillor which will inevitably affect the therapeutic relationship.

Rather have a nice planet than be governed by racists who destroy the planet.