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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop therapy after learning my therapist’s husband is Reform?

731 replies

CanyonRider · 25/05/2026 18:20

I live in a small town. I started having therapy maybe a year ago. I feel it’s been working for me and I like my therapist. However I realised today that she is (very very recently) married to a man who recently stood and won as a reform councillor in our local election. I detest reform. I’m married to an immigrant (EU citizen) and am delighted that my kids are dual nationals and have the option of travelling, working and living in the EU should they desire. I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV. Finally I cannot stand Farage and the political grift embodied by people like him and Jenrick and am dismayed by the harms caused by Brexit.

My therapist is also an EU national and is here under indefinite leave to remain - as is my wife.
Read a few interviews with her husband today and he spouts the usual anti EU, anti immigration, anti green transition rhetoric you’d expect from Reform. I don’t feel comfortable continuing therapy with someone who’s married to a reform politician, and am very surprised that she is comfortable with his views and by extension those of Farage.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
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SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 25/05/2026 20:35

Clavinova · 25/05/2026 20:32

OK, you posted;

Hopefully it ends in people with far right racist views being ostracised and losing trade

So, you wouldn't purchase Italian goods sold in the UK at the moment?

If the French vote for a far-right government, you would avoid purchasing French goods sold in the UK?

Not to mention China - which - let's not forget ....

Is a authoritarian dictatorship actively practicing genocide and ethnic cleansing on a level that would make all previous figures blush, no voting, thought crime, violent crack downs of any dissent.....

Far, FAR worse than any Reform policy.

EasternStandard · 25/05/2026 20:36

TheFluffyTwo · 25/05/2026 20:33

You can do whatever you want.

It seems a shame to lose a relationship or service that's been helping you, but if finding out this piece of information about her husband has prejudiced you so much against your therapist that you no longer think it will be useful, then you're completely within your rights to stop using her services.

Why do you feel the need to ask of other people think you're overreacting? What difference does it make if they agree or disagree with you?

Yep anyone can end therapy, why would an mn thread convince someone not to end it.

Gofnfnf · 25/05/2026 20:38

If they reason their argument with logic, arguments, some data then they are allowed their opinion. Everyone wants to be pro green, have people actually looked at the energy prices we face?

Clavinova · 25/05/2026 20:39

Dexternight · 25/05/2026 20:20

At least they have their own teeth.

Have you seen Zack Polanski's smile?

AguNwaanyi · 25/05/2026 20:40

Misnofitness · 25/05/2026 18:23

This has to be the ultimate Mumsnet pearl clutch

clearly you don’t believe women are capable of having their own opinions

Allow it.
Therapists don't live in a vacuum. Their personal politics absolutely shape the direction they take to their practice, even if they don't directly state them in sessions. They can only be so impartial. This isn't about not believing women can have separate opinions but recognising the reality of the game. Although, it's interesting that some of you are presuming that she has no affinity with what reform stands for despite her partnering choices.

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 25/05/2026 20:40

Clavinova · 25/05/2026 20:39

Have you seen Zack Polanski's smile?

John Cena Omg GIF

.

Gofnfnf · 25/05/2026 20:41

I thought the therapist was reform but no it's their husband. Oh dear.

I'm a Tory member and have reform friends.

andnowwhatdowedo · 25/05/2026 20:45

Meadowfinch · 25/05/2026 20:10

I'm not pro-reform and will vote tactically to keep them out, but shunning people does not bring a country to a more united centrist view.

Yes, something to discuss in therapy - who do you shun and why.

NoisyHiker · 25/05/2026 20:45

I can see why you are in therapy.

SparklyOliveSwan · 25/05/2026 20:46

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 25/05/2026 20:30

Being a feminist is not compatible with the mens rights movement of trans ideology.

Care to elaborate.... Maybe some statistics. But I forget, you people don't get them, you go off raw feelings. I'm calling it: "You're a troll/bot"

AguNwaanyi · 25/05/2026 20:48

SandwichSuperstar · 25/05/2026 18:31

Yes, silly little fluffy headed women simply must agree with their husband's politics.

No minds of our own at all.

Yes actually. Because I know mumsnet likes to be simple about these things but who you choose to partner with is absolutely political or at least says a lot about your own politics. This idea that actual anti-xenophobia and pro-environment women are marrying Reform candidates is ridiculous. At best, she doesn't engage with political values so doesn't care, but standing for nothing means you will fall for anything.

Thechaseison71 · 25/05/2026 20:48

Runningswanker · 25/05/2026 18:26

Therapy requires you to be vulnerable, and to trust (unlike buying something in a shop as a pp mentioned) My ability to trust a therapist would be affected by someone who stood with Reform. It's a racist party, no matter what way you look at it.

But no one has said the therapist has any affinity with Reform.

My partner and I are on total opposite sides politically. ( Neither reform btw)

Why would someone not work with me due to his political views.

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 25/05/2026 20:51

SparklyOliveSwan · 25/05/2026 20:46

Care to elaborate.... Maybe some statistics. But I forget, you people don't get them, you go off raw feelings. I'm calling it: "You're a troll/bot"

Sure -

Being a feminist is not compatible with the men’s-rights movement inside trans ideology.

Feminism is supposed to be about women having equal rights, bodily autonomy, boundaries, dignity, privacy, safety, language, and the power to say no. It is not compatible with telling women they must accept males in female spaces because those males say they are women.

Female spaces exist for a reason. Toilets, changing rooms, refuges, hospital wards, prisons, sport, intimate care, and lesbian spaces are not “vibes” or “identities”. They exist because sex matters. Women and girls are physically, socially and sexually vulnerable to males in ways males are not vulnerable to females. That is not bigotry. It is reality.

Feminism that says women cannot refuse males access to female spaces is not feminism. It removes women’s consent and calls it kindness. It tells women their boundaries are hateful, their discomfort is prejudice, and their sex-based rights must give way to male feelings.

It also reduces “woman” to a costume, a feeling, a performance, or a set of stereotypes. If a man can become a woman by adopting feminine presentation, then womanhood is no longer a sex class. It becomes clothes, hair, pronouns, mannerisms and inner identity. That is not progressive. It is regressive sexism with a rainbow flag on it.

Women are not an idea in a man’s head. Women are not a validation service. Women are not required to surrender privacy, safety or language so that males can feel affirmed.

Trans people should be treated with dignity and protected from harassment. But that does not require pretending sex is irrelevant, abolishing female boundaries, or making women responsible for validating male identities.

dcthatsme · 25/05/2026 20:51

Hopefully in this day and age we are not our husband’s views

AguNwaanyi · 25/05/2026 20:51

CanyonRider · 25/05/2026 19:46

Lol. Where did I say that I think that makes me better than other people. I was drawing a parallel between my belief - that we need to transition to net zero - and Reform’s which seems to be ‘cancel net zero’. This whole climate change stance taken by Reform
winds me up. It is entirely self defeating.

Don't mind them. They are projecting their own insecurities. They always do this. Anyone who shows more substance than the wishy washy, but actually more right leaning, politics that they have on here is automatically accused of thinking they are better than everyone else. THEY are the ones who think you are better than them.

bafta16 · 25/05/2026 20:53

CanyonRider · 25/05/2026 18:20

I live in a small town. I started having therapy maybe a year ago. I feel it’s been working for me and I like my therapist. However I realised today that she is (very very recently) married to a man who recently stood and won as a reform councillor in our local election. I detest reform. I’m married to an immigrant (EU citizen) and am delighted that my kids are dual nationals and have the option of travelling, working and living in the EU should they desire. I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV. Finally I cannot stand Farage and the political grift embodied by people like him and Jenrick and am dismayed by the harms caused by Brexit.

My therapist is also an EU national and is here under indefinite leave to remain - as is my wife.
Read a few interviews with her husband today and he spouts the usual anti EU, anti immigration, anti green transition rhetoric you’d expect from Reform. I don’t feel comfortable continuing therapy with someone who’s married to a reform politician, and am very surprised that she is comfortable with his views and by extension those of Farage.

Am I overreacting?

No. You are not over reacting.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 25/05/2026 20:53

Thechaseison71 · 25/05/2026 20:48

But no one has said the therapist has any affinity with Reform.

My partner and I are on total opposite sides politically. ( Neither reform btw)

Why would someone not work with me due to his political views.

She has only just married him, and as he is clearly politically active, she presumably knew his views before tying the knot. Which suggests that she condones those views, even if she doesn't agree with them.

DH and I don't always see eye to eye or vote the same way, but we do have the same fundamental values and there are red lines that neither of us would tolerate the other crossing.

bafta16 · 25/05/2026 20:54

Gofnfnf · 25/05/2026 20:41

I thought the therapist was reform but no it's their husband. Oh dear.

I'm a Tory member and have reform friends.

Reform friends, delightful.

Gofnfnf · 25/05/2026 20:55

Do you people not have reform friends? I have reform friends. Labour friends , woke green friends

Misnofitness · 25/05/2026 20:56

Dexternight · 25/05/2026 20:24

Rather have a nice planet than be governed by racists who destroy the planet.

But we aren’t going to have a nice planet as the uk only accounts for 1% of emmisons and to achieve net zero we are having to outsource all our dirty work of industry to china. To actually achieve a real net zero we really need to go bacK to the Middle Ages in terms of farming and eating only food we produce ect. No importing food, no importing everything from china, no internet ect ect

net zero is effectively just pushing our emissions to china who don’t give a crap

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 25/05/2026 21:00

Gofnfnf · 25/05/2026 20:55

Do you people not have reform friends? I have reform friends. Labour friends , woke green friends

No. I choose my friends on the basis of shared values, and people who vote Reform wouldn't have values that are in any way compatible with mine. If any of my friends did suddenly morph into Reform voters, then I wouldn't be interested in continuing the friendship, but they're all good people so hard to imagine that happening.

I do have acquaintances who support Reform, but they are not the sort of people I would ever choose to have as friends.

sprigatito · 25/05/2026 21:04

YANBU. People with appalling views always like to bleat about identity politics and suggest there is something wrong with you if you won’t maintain friendships with racists/misogynists/roundabout painters. There isn’t. It’s about values. I can’t respect, trust or enjoy the company of someone who believes the things Reform voters believe.

AguNwaanyi · 25/05/2026 21:04

Looneytune253 · 25/05/2026 18:49

@fatandfrumpy20im not sure I agree with you there. Probably because I know him personally but I don’t know a kinder more intelligent man. Definitely don’t agree with his politics but he doesn’t stop helping others and has a very profound way of looking at the world. I defo see how you might think this way though but the world isn’t black and white

Is it helping others that makes you say he is emotionally intelligent?

DavidStopActingLikeADisgruntledPelican · 25/05/2026 21:05

Dexternight · 25/05/2026 20:11

Maybe because the wife is white so 'alwhite'..

Yeah maybe.

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 25/05/2026 21:05

sprigatito · 25/05/2026 21:04

YANBU. People with appalling views always like to bleat about identity politics and suggest there is something wrong with you if you won’t maintain friendships with racists/misogynists/roundabout painters. There isn’t. It’s about values. I can’t respect, trust or enjoy the company of someone who believes the things Reform voters believe.

Do you have a list of those beliefs?