How can I turn down uninvited siblings politely from nieces 9th birthday party?

[ThePetiteMermaid]

I changed my user name for this and some details as it’s pretty outing (and a long post sorry - trying not to drip feed) but I need advice please.

My niece has a birthday party coming up this week and my Dsis was originally going to book a party package doing an activity with food and party bags included.
It worked out as far too expensive for her as a package because you need a minimum amount of guests to book and so she decided to take a smaller friend group and pay for them to do the activity individually and then to take them to a fast food place to eat.
She also decided instead of party bags to just do cake to save money and thought the kids might not expect one after an expensive activity and might be too old to be bothered anyway at 9 years old.

My Dsis became ill unexpectedly and had to have an operation which means she’s unable to host the party and her DH is at work so she asked me to do it.
I didn’t want my niece disappointed so have taken over the WhatsApp group to finalise things and I have a friend to help on the day.

I have had two messages from two mums basically saying siblings need to attend as it’s school holidays and not really asking but telling me. There hasn’t been any money offered but one mum put “Lucy isn’t expecting a party bag but I’m hoping you will be able to provide a meal for her”.

The other mums message was a bit more polite saying “Katy can’t come without her sister Jess as I have no one to look after Jess, I hope this isn’t an issue as Katy is really excited about coming to celebrate Amy’s birthday”.

I can’t believe how rude and cheeky this is, surely they aren’t expecting my Dsis to pay for the extra kids?
Even if the parents do offer to pay I don’t want to be responsible for two extra kids who will probably be a different age category anyway.

I want to reply saying that the party numbers are final and we can’t stretch to additional guests financially and also I don’t think two is enough people to safeguard extra children.
I wasn’t sure if I should include the financial part as they might have been expecting to pay for the siblings on arrival.

I was hoping for some help please in writing a response that is polite but firm, my Dsis said one of the mums will possibly try to drop the sibling off anyway as she has form for this.

I don’t have children so feel uncomfortable dealing with this and I was really surprised to hear it’s a common request, I can understand if it was a cheaper venue like a hall party when the kids were younger but not for an expensive activity!

I’m also wondering what to say to kids if they are expecting party bags. With one mum mentioning them in the text I’m thinking others might expect them and kids might ask for one. I don’t have the money or time to provide them and wouldn’t have a clue what to put in them, I don’t want to stress my Dsis when she’s ill and already fretting about pleaving me in charge, surely a slice of cake is enough?!

It would be helpful if someone could also give me a suggestion of what to say if someone does attempt to drop off a sibling please.

I’m ND and not the best with confrontation or awkward conversations and I’m really pissed off I’ve been put in this position and my niece will be really upset if the two girls can’t attend because we can’t include siblings although that maybe can’t be helped.
I wouldn’t have been as keen to volunteer to help if if known I’d be dealing with these cheeky requests and worrying about bloody party bags!

I’ve posted quickly but I have to go out now so I won’t be able to respond much until later.
I just thought I’d better add this in anticipation of people asking “where has the OP gone!”
I will update after I’ve hopefully handled the situation tactfully!

What did you do ? Did you have a word with the mum when she came back ?

There hasn’t been any money offered but one mum put “Lucy isn’t expecting a party bag but I’m hoping you will be able to provide a meal for her”.

FML! The audacity of these people 😮.

I would be worried extra sibs would stay with the birthday party, change the dynamic and expect food, even if mum paid them in.

So would go with

Don't worry about supervising invited child we don't expect parents to stay. Sorry, numbers are confirmed so we can't accommodate siblings.

Then it makes it clear she's not needed so can look after her own uninvited child.

Lots of good replies about the centre being open and parents needed to say and pay for activity and food if they don't want to drop and go.

We had this recently. The sibling in question was much younger than the rest of the group and we're too small to join in properly due to height restrictions.

In this case the CF dropped both kids off and ran. My dsis included them, didn't have much choice. They complained the whole time. I would have text and told the parent to collect their younger DC. I would most definitely have had a conversation about the unexpected drop off.

I felt very sorry for the older sibling, they were clearly expected to babysit their younger brother. At 9 I would expect a drop and go. It is super cheeky to ask random people to include younger siblings. We have twins in the family and they had their own friendship groups.

In fact I would probably put it on the group chat that you've had a few requests and so ...

Preempt any others and get the group on board.

That's shocking from the other mums if they know your DSis is unwell. It doesn’t even make sense as they will be dropping their child off. I think a simple message like the one above is perfect. Don’t get too much into the ifs and buts.

I think no party bags is unusual so if your budget can stretch to something simple it would be appreciated. However as you are organising this on your sister’s behalf I think it would be totally understandable.

Say you have taken over the running of the party but can't change any of the arrangements. Numbers are final and you are very sorry but you can't accommodate siblings.

"We've had a few people ask about siblings, and I'm sorry but we can't take siblings as we have only a limited number booked. If your child can't come please let me know. Thank you."

So it's clear to all that siblings can't come.

I would expect drop and go for most 9 year olds, but a few benefit from a parent being around.

They probably would expect party bags. We tend to do a bag of haribo each as it is cheaper than a bag full of tat.

“Hi guys, to answer a few questions:

Due to the ratio of adults to kids in supervising the party, and also budget, I’m afraid we have invited those we can afford to pay for and are able to safely look after. They’re invited for the activity, the meal, and a slice of cake (no party bags).

We cannot afford to accommodate other children who are not invited guests, but as we are supervising the party you guys don’t need to stay so you will be able to look after party child’s siblings as you normally would.

Looking forward to seeing your children on Day, stay cool in this hot weather 😎”

I would be worried that the drop and go parent would drop an invited child and a non invited sibling and zoom off.
Leaving you @ThePetiteMermaid to sort it out pay for sibling, mind him or her and feed them too 😱

This is perfect. They are being really CF!

No good deed goes unpunished.

I like the message suggested by @Sausagesmyarse . I think that as the birthday girl’s aunt you have a bit of leeway, OP, so I would include this information if the WA group don’t know it already.

FWIW I think these women are bluffing because as PP say, what are they planning to do with their DC otherwise?

I hope your niece has a great day and your DSis recovers.

Hi, thanks for your message. We are on a very tight budget for the party, X’s mum has been in hospital and we’re having a tough time. The venue isn’t totally booked out by us, we have booked individual places in the public session to control the cost so we cannot just put more children in at no cost. If you have nobody to look after Y [you lying cunt] then please could you send her with £15 [whatever] to cover her entrance fee and food as we can only afford to pay for the original number of children. I hope you understand, I am doing my best to keep things normal for X whilst her mum is illl.

if you write a more curt message simply sayimg no that’s not possible, people may not attend out of spite or do it anywya.

"I'm sorry but we can't accommodate siblings. We are expecting parents to drop Amy's friends off at the party, so there shouldn't be any childcare issues."

Explain that budget is only for friends and not siblings, however parents are welcome to bring siblings and sit separately with them.

I’m planning a birthday party for DS later this year who will be 6. Venue itself has max no.of kids so it will be a strict ‘no siblings’ and they can sit outside in the cafe.

You sound like a very kind sister taking over responsibility for the party, OP. I remember my mum's close friend taking over my 9th birthday party because my mum was unable to do it, and I always looked back on that with gratitude.

These parents are being cheeky fuckers and I agree that you should just explain honestly that you can't accommodate siblings. If they want to book for their other kids and stay to supervise at the same time, that's fine, but otherwise they are free to decline the invitation.

I hope your dsis is ok, and that your niece enjoys her party.

Agree there may be something to gain by playing the sympathy card. And why not, it will make DN’s life easier in the aftermath.

I am sorry we are unable to accommodate siblings. Kind regards.

They’re 9 for goodness sake!! The parent should be perfectly free to look after the younger sibling because she should be dropping the 9 year old off and going.

Whatever you reply it needs to be straight forward and blunt. Don’t leave any wriggle room for ‘Yes but….’ Or any guilt tripping.

’I’m afraid siblings cannot be accommodated’.

Hi X. The session is public so no issue if you want to stay with your other kids. It costs x per head iirc. We plan on taking the party guests to mcdonalds after so let me know whether you want to collect Y from there, or if I should drop her back to you at the activity centre. Niece is so looking forward to Y joining her for her birthday celebration. See you then.

If the parent of the child that would benefit from having them.around also has to bring a sibling along then the best thing would be that none of them attend the party and do something fun as a family instead.

Exactly! Another family man who sails through life without a thought of who’s taking care of everything as long as it’s not him. Hope it goes ok OP and you manage to see off the cheeky fuckers.

This^
I would also add: Im happy for Katy to be just dropped off and then picked up.
added: at 9 y.o I would drop off and pick up my disabled DD.

This is crazy. I have brought siblings along but paid for entry and food myself then stayed to supervise.

I would message back similar to what’s been said “the activity and food are booked for a set number, while siblings are welcome you will have to pay for entry and food / stay for supervision if that’s ok. As it’s 9 years olds we haven’t planned for party bags and just a slice a cake which we can make sure there is an extra bit for the sibling”