How can I turn down uninvited siblings politely from nieces 9th birthday party?

[ThePetiteMermaid]

I changed my user name for this and some details as it’s pretty outing (and a long post sorry - trying not to drip feed) but I need advice please.

My niece has a birthday party coming up this week and my Dsis was originally going to book a party package doing an activity with food and party bags included.
It worked out as far too expensive for her as a package because you need a minimum amount of guests to book and so she decided to take a smaller friend group and pay for them to do the activity individually and then to take them to a fast food place to eat.
She also decided instead of party bags to just do cake to save money and thought the kids might not expect one after an expensive activity and might be too old to be bothered anyway at 9 years old.

My Dsis became ill unexpectedly and had to have an operation which means she’s unable to host the party and her DH is at work so she asked me to do it.
I didn’t want my niece disappointed so have taken over the WhatsApp group to finalise things and I have a friend to help on the day.

I have had two messages from two mums basically saying siblings need to attend as it’s school holidays and not really asking but telling me. There hasn’t been any money offered but one mum put “Lucy isn’t expecting a party bag but I’m hoping you will be able to provide a meal for her”.

The other mums message was a bit more polite saying “Katy can’t come without her sister Jess as I have no one to look after Jess, I hope this isn’t an issue as Katy is really excited about coming to celebrate Amy’s birthday”.

I can’t believe how rude and cheeky this is, surely they aren’t expecting my Dsis to pay for the extra kids?
Even if the parents do offer to pay I don’t want to be responsible for two extra kids who will probably be a different age category anyway.

I want to reply saying that the party numbers are final and we can’t stretch to additional guests financially and also I don’t think two is enough people to safeguard extra children.
I wasn’t sure if I should include the financial part as they might have been expecting to pay for the siblings on arrival.

I was hoping for some help please in writing a response that is polite but firm, my Dsis said one of the mums will possibly try to drop the sibling off anyway as she has form for this.

I don’t have children so feel uncomfortable dealing with this and I was really surprised to hear it’s a common request, I can understand if it was a cheaper venue like a hall party when the kids were younger but not for an expensive activity!

I’m also wondering what to say to kids if they are expecting party bags. With one mum mentioning them in the text I’m thinking others might expect them and kids might ask for one. I don’t have the money or time to provide them and wouldn’t have a clue what to put in them, I don’t want to stress my Dsis when she’s ill and already fretting about pleaving me in charge, surely a slice of cake is enough?!

It would be helpful if someone could also give me a suggestion of what to say if someone does attempt to drop off a sibling please.

I’m ND and not the best with confrontation or awkward conversations and I’m really pissed off I’ve been put in this position and my niece will be really upset if the two girls can’t attend because we can’t include siblings although that maybe can’t be helped.
I wouldn’t have been as keen to volunteer to help if if known I’d be dealing with these cheeky requests and worrying about bloody party bags!

I’ve posted quickly but I have to go out now so I won’t be able to respond much until later.
I just thought I’d better add this in anticipation of people asking “where has the OP gone!”
I will update after I’ve hopefully handled the situation tactfully!

It sounds like you have handled it all very well and diplomatically, ThePetiteMermaid. Nobody should be in any doubt as to the protocol. I'm sure it will be a successful party.

I've never heard of siblings tagging along to parties unless they too are friends of the birthday child, nor of parents hanging around. What a pain that must be.

Good luck, let us know how it goes.

One of the mums looked a bit pissed off when she heard her kid hadn't been fed. Party mum was brilliant ..just said.' well I'm sorry we couldn't feed little Willy' but I did request no siblings. Numbers were strict.
I saw that both kids got a slice of cake to take home but no part bag

This!

“I am going to sound really old now but when did this change where it became so common to bring siblings to parties? I don’t remember any coming to any birthday parties I went to as a child in the 90’s.”

OP, I am with you - my DC would have been Amy’s age in the nineties, and I don’t recall that siblings arriving uninvited were ever a problem. I’m astonished that CF parents think it’s OK to dump siblings and run, as would seem to be the case from some of these posts and I don’t think it’s acceptable, either, to think that if you pay for them it’s all OK. A party is the birthday person inviting their friends - not free childcare provided by their parents!

Edited for typos

Perfect 👌

How did it go @ThePetiteMermaid ?

Plenty of UK full time employees don’t get 28 days leave!

In the UK, it’s 20 days annual leave and 8 public holidays (or equivalent time off), as a statutory minimum for full time employees.

Well, their employers are breaking the law if they don't, as 28 days is the statutory minimum. It does include bank holidays though.

Cf parents are the worst part of parenting.

That and the performative nonsense of things like massive party bags - just so unnecessary

wow some mums are so rude. Say no

This. And you could just send it as a generic message on the WhatsApp saying “we’ve had quite a few requests for siblings to come, but….

In the 90s where I lived it was no big deal to bring siblings- and they often came. Because it was a party at home and the more the merrier and there was no expensive cake. And this created a sense of community as we were all in it together. There wasn’t such a strict sense of “you only play with people your own age” and in the long run I became friends with my friends little sister.

If there was no party this week they would still have child care arrangements in place.

so hslf term is no excuse to bring siblings they just want a child free few hours

surely if you explain their friend is in hospital/ operation you are standing in so 9 yr old still gets a birthday insist cheeky mum have to stay and help

id like to think you have had offers of help already in the circumstances ??

I don’t think she’s at all worried.

they don’t want party bags.

I haven’t read all the posts but noticed OP said some posters had mentioned party bags in the same line as “core memories” 😂. Some people really are hilarious around parties.

it’s a free few hours for the guests doing something fun with friends. The expectations and craziness from some people is just mad. Making extra cakes too?!

It is so rude and not fair in the birthday child as often there are age gaps (even a few years is significant for kids).

But this isn’t that sort of party though.

not all kids what other people at their party. What if they don’t like the siblings. Great if they do but sometimes the siblings can be harder work and ruin parties.

Then their employers are breaking the law

My granddaughter recently went to a birthday party at an Inflatanation and we had to fill in a kind of permission form for her. Actually told to arrive 20 minutes before party time to do so. Your trampoline place may be different but we definitely couldn't have snuck in uninvited/unpaid kids.

Perfect message IMHO. Well done @ThePetiteMermaid.

Party bags aren’t necessary, especially if filled with plastic tat that clutters up the house and is then thrown in landfill. If you really want to provide them, fill with little boxes of raisins and sweets.

Can’t afford party bags or a couple of extra siblings but can pay for a professional cake?!

I’d much rather have little plastic toys that keep my kids happy for a short time than more sugar

You should definitely do that then, at your own child’s party.

What exactly is your point here? OP's sister has a budget for the party. The budget has been allocated to various costs including cake. Are you suggesting that she should cancel the cake to fund party bags and unwanted siblings?

The 'core memories' and party bags is batshit.

Also agreed on the making of an extra cake - for goodness sake what are people on?!