How can I turn down uninvited siblings politely from nieces 9th birthday party?

[ThePetiteMermaid]

I changed my user name for this and some details as it’s pretty outing (and a long post sorry - trying not to drip feed) but I need advice please.

My niece has a birthday party coming up this week and my Dsis was originally going to book a party package doing an activity with food and party bags included.
It worked out as far too expensive for her as a package because you need a minimum amount of guests to book and so she decided to take a smaller friend group and pay for them to do the activity individually and then to take them to a fast food place to eat.
She also decided instead of party bags to just do cake to save money and thought the kids might not expect one after an expensive activity and might be too old to be bothered anyway at 9 years old.

My Dsis became ill unexpectedly and had to have an operation which means she’s unable to host the party and her DH is at work so she asked me to do it.
I didn’t want my niece disappointed so have taken over the WhatsApp group to finalise things and I have a friend to help on the day.

I have had two messages from two mums basically saying siblings need to attend as it’s school holidays and not really asking but telling me. There hasn’t been any money offered but one mum put “Lucy isn’t expecting a party bag but I’m hoping you will be able to provide a meal for her”.

The other mums message was a bit more polite saying “Katy can’t come without her sister Jess as I have no one to look after Jess, I hope this isn’t an issue as Katy is really excited about coming to celebrate Amy’s birthday”.

I can’t believe how rude and cheeky this is, surely they aren’t expecting my Dsis to pay for the extra kids?
Even if the parents do offer to pay I don’t want to be responsible for two extra kids who will probably be a different age category anyway.

I want to reply saying that the party numbers are final and we can’t stretch to additional guests financially and also I don’t think two is enough people to safeguard extra children.
I wasn’t sure if I should include the financial part as they might have been expecting to pay for the siblings on arrival.

I was hoping for some help please in writing a response that is polite but firm, my Dsis said one of the mums will possibly try to drop the sibling off anyway as she has form for this.

I don’t have children so feel uncomfortable dealing with this and I was really surprised to hear it’s a common request, I can understand if it was a cheaper venue like a hall party when the kids were younger but not for an expensive activity!

I’m also wondering what to say to kids if they are expecting party bags. With one mum mentioning them in the text I’m thinking others might expect them and kids might ask for one. I don’t have the money or time to provide them and wouldn’t have a clue what to put in them, I don’t want to stress my Dsis when she’s ill and already fretting about pleaving me in charge, surely a slice of cake is enough?!

It would be helpful if someone could also give me a suggestion of what to say if someone does attempt to drop off a sibling please.

I’m ND and not the best with confrontation or awkward conversations and I’m really pissed off I’ve been put in this position and my niece will be really upset if the two girls can’t attend because we can’t include siblings although that maybe can’t be helped.
I wouldn’t have been as keen to volunteer to help if if known I’d be dealing with these cheeky requests and worrying about bloody party bags!

I’ve posted quickly but I have to go out now so I won’t be able to respond much until later.
I just thought I’d better add this in anticipation of people asking “where has the OP gone!”
I will update after I’ve hopefully handled the situation tactfully!

OP some parents are a lot more entitled than they were years ago so this wasnt an issue because nobody did it. Its terrible behaviour but yes be wary of the mums who may just drop and go anyway. Speak to the trampoline park in advance and tell them under no circumstances will yoi be paying for these kids or supervising them. I have 3 kids and wouldn't deaam of asking for one of my other kids to go to a party let alone actually dropping them off and running. Childcare is my issue not anyone else's.

Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job op

I asked a question as mine aren’t nine yet. I don’t remember saying it was abnormal? I think when most people are talking about nine year olds parties being drop and go, they obviously don’t mean those with food allergies or special needs. I have not seen anyone imply that it is weird or abnormal for a parent with a child who has particular needs to stay at a party.

You’re a terrific aunt, OP.

Just about the sweets - most Haribo contain pork gelatin so probably safest to look for a veggie option.

The strawberry haribo are vegetarian

I always say in invites - 'due to numbers we are unable to accommodate siblings'.

This is learnt after our first big party where one woman turned up not just with siblings but also cousins and one random (her Ford galaxy was packed to the rafters). Luckily I had enough food to go round and some spare party bags but I would have felt bad for children leaving a party without one as the cheeky f**ckery was not their fault.

On that topic, it's not really your problem OP but ime 9 year olds still love party bags. In fact my DC takes huge pride in giving 'good' party bags and spends time planning them.

Hope your Dsis is doing better and you survive!

A lot do sweetie cones now. When they get a bit older they don’t bother with the crappie toys in the bags anyway. You can buy them pre-made or make your own up cheap.

Exactly!

Make an extra cake which can already be cut and wrapped. Ask the extra two kids to pay $$ for their entry and meal. You might have a kid or two not turn up anyway.

Ask another adult to assist you.

I'd be relaxed about siblings.

This is the one is go with

First post hits the spot perfectly, because it’s clear and leaves no doubt.

This is what you need.

And NO, you don’t want parents dropping off their kids, and you could end up with a bill anyway, given some of these parents are clearly very cheeky. Frankly, the other siblings child care is not your problem. What would they have been doing if neither child had been invited.

If a persons child cannot come without their sister, say “Oh I’m very sorry if that means X cannot come, but there is a set number of spaces. Please let me know for certain if she won’t be coming.”

It's good that this is a trampoline park and not soft play - it's harder to just drop and run at a place with proper barriers and where parents have to sign waivers and get wristbands.

Why would you be relaxed about siblings out of interest? If the Op is supervising children of different ages then they can’t go into the full trampoline park as there’s limits on different sections and her niece would rightfully want to be in the older kid section. It’s also very different supervising 5 9 year olds and supervising 5 9 year olds and an assortment of younger kids she doesn’t know well. Sounds super difficult. The cost is really the least of the issues.

At 9 they get dropped off anyway surely so not having childcare for the sibling isn’t even an excuse. Can’t really believe their cheek to be honest- my child can’t come unless YOU pay for their sibling to come too?! Who would think this way. Of course you just need to be assertive and say sorry, invited children only, we are paying for each child individually and it will cost x per child.

You are such a lovely sister and aunty.
I don't get this culture of bringing siblings to parties. Nor adults staying at parties. I have never done either and wouldn't accept it at my own kids' parties.

I’m not sure if it’s a bit waffley but after some of the horror stories people have posted I wanted to make it crystal clear that we won’t be looking after any extra siblings who are just left to join the party

The issue with writing so much, and trying to make it clear is that CFs aren't interested. They simply want their own way, and since you already know one of the mums has form for bringing extras then disappearing you can fully expect the same

So to my mind the only answer is to keep it simple with "siblings/extras can't be accommodated" and then to have someone on hand to make sure they're not

You may need to prepare for tantrumming and tearful siblings and/or outraged CFers, but it'll pass and at least they won't try it on with you again

I'd make it shorter tbh. Siblings cannot be accommodated in the party group but you are welcome to join us and pay their entry and meal yourself.

The OP has updated to say she has messaged the group. There are only 3 OP posts on the thread so surely not too much to expect posters to read them before responding?

It is easy to say that you as an adult would be relaxed about siblings but the child whose birthday it is doesn't want them. She's already having to have her birthday without either of her parents there (although luckily by the sounds of things she has a lovely auntie) so surely she can expect to have her birthday party as she wishes without having to #BeKind.

Firstly, what does your brother in law do that requires him to work 24 hours a day? Working full time, isn't an excuse not to organise a party for his child.
They are taking advantage.
I've done party's in the past, and siblings do turn up, which is fine, but I have never known a parent expect to have food provided for them, they usually buy them something..
Also, at 9 years of age, most parents used to stay, so any parent bringing a sibling should be staying with them.

As usual on MN the first reply has it. Perfect response to the cheeky fuckers.

If it's at a soft play or similar they are absolute CF as anyone should know the form is to pay for spare kids and supervise them, and they do not turn up for the party stuff.

I think you can say no to siblings, though if one of these children is a best friend, usually you would accommodate (just because there have been many play dates, sleepovers etc). I would do party bags, just a slice of cake and x 1 gift will do.

First post nailed it. Good luck op!

I hope this is a joke.