DH hobby - AIBU?

[sanctuary86]

Honest advice needed.

DH and I have been together for 5 years and share 1 child together (aged 2 1/2). We each have an older child from previous marriages (teens).

We live in SE England and DH has always been very active in cricket (since he was very young). He plays every Saturday in local towns and villages up to one hour's drive away, sometimes close by though. It's a full day, from late morning until 7/8/9pm.

He never misses a game and is reluctant to miss a match even to go on holidays. Recently, I have really started to suffer from never having a Saturday together as a family. I don't really look forward to my weekends any more, as I'm left home alone with the toddler. If he is playing the match at home we usually pop down to watch for a few hours, but never more than that. I've started feeling like I'm a single parent, left alone with our child and get so upset about it.

I'm not sure whether I'm being unreasonable feeling like this. I want to spend some Saturdays with my DH as a family. Not every Saturday, but I would like to have at least some. I am genuinely happy for him to play as it his absolute passion and a release for him. But I don't think he understands at all what my issue is.

Sometimes he can be quite understanding and says he will miss the odd match for me, but other times he his loses patience and says "do you want me to just quit and ruin my life?".

My ideal would be for him to just play home games and miss away matches, but I know he would never miss half the games.

He genuinely doesn't seem to understand why it upsets me so much. He even said "you're an independent woman, you don't need me in your weekend", which I found so hurtful.

Sometimes I start questioning whether I'm the unreasonable one for wanting him to miss a game or two in the first place, as it's clearly his real passion in life and always will be.

Please tell me your honest opinions.

This seems irrelevant? My dh is madly passionate about his footy team, loves music, his kids, supporting his kids to play sports- he coaches two sports for them, hopefully about me too. He played footy for many years, competitively although not at a professional level, His passions most certainly do not make him a selfish jerk and worse father like the ops partner passions do.

But as life situations change, hobby time automatically has to change.

He got a job. So he knows he has to work cricket around his job. Why would an adult man need to be told that when he has a child things will change? Is he stupid?

What we did at the age of 7 is not what we do as an adult. My 4 year old loves playing with Lego. His only "obligation" is three hours of playschool during school term. He can basically play with Lego and his toys the rest of the time

When he's an adult and has a job and a family will his future wife need to explain to him that actually he can't play with his Lego and vehicles and eat snacks all day on the sofa while he watches Paw Patrol?? Of course she flipping won't. And if he wanted to do that and put an AIBU up here - I want to play with my vehicles and watch Paw Patrol all day but my mean wife says she's not happy to mind our toddler for 12 hours every Saturday while I do that - he'd be told to "give his head a wobble".

So why does the "he played cricket as a child" argument get trotted out? He's not a child any more. He's neglecting his actual child.

Quite. His life has changed and he must change with it

This man already had a child, and ex partners... all of whom he has prioritised his cricket for. Yes, life sometimes has to change when families evolve but there is nothing to suggest that this man was ever going to change. He purposely doesn't see his older child in favour of cricket, his marriage broke down in favour of cricket, why would the OP expect this to magically change for her and their shared child?

Surely cricket doesn't go on every single Saturday of every single year?
You sound a little dramatic.

My Dad was hugely involved in local football.
On Saturdays, he ran a youth team in the mornings then went from there to the team he played for. When he almost finished playing, he became Manager.
I don't remember being 2, but I do remember going to football with him for YEARS once we got to about 5. I loved it. During those Primary school years, Dad would have all of us at the football with him and Mum would either go to a matinee or just relax at home or whatever she wanted to do. Once I got into my teens and my siblings weren't so keen, it became out 'thing' that we did together. I suspect it was a challenge for my Mum when we were babies, but I think she was of the opinion that she knew that was what he did before they had us. Of course, she also went out to do her 'thing' at other times and then Dad looked after us. Football has a much longer season than cricket does.
I think the OP should look longer term. Choose to either embrace the social life around the cricket and go and get involved there, or choose to do whatever she wants to with her little one for the next 3 years or so, then allow her partner to take them when they are older.
As a parent, I was fortunate enough to work term time only so had all my dc on my own for all the holidays. I used to enjoy taking them out and about to places. I didn't feel it was a chore. It was a lovely time I look back on fondly.
We all know her partner isn't going to change from the history the OP has given, so why not reframe the way she looks at it?

When are your 4 months of Saturdays happening?