Page 7 | DH hobby - AIBU?

sanctuary86 · 2026-05-24T19:38:19+00:00

Honest advice needed. DH and I have been together for 5 years and share 1 child together (aged 2 1/2). We each have an older child from previous marriages (teens). We live in SE England and DH has always been very active in cricket (since he was very young). He plays every Saturday in local towns and villages up to one hour's drive away, sometimes close by though. It's a full day, from late morning until 7/8/9pm. He never misses a game and is reluctant to miss a match even to go on holidays. Recently, I have really started to suffer from never having a Saturday together as a family. I don't really look forward to my weekends any more, as I'm left home alone with the toddler. If he is playing the match at home we usually pop down to watch for a few hours, but never more than that. I've started feeling like I'm a single parent, left alone with our child and get so upset about it. I'm not sure whether I'm being unreasonable feeling like this. I want to spend some Saturdays with my DH as a family. Not every Saturday, but I would like to have at least some. I am genuinely happy for him to play as it his absolute passion and a release for him. But I don't think he understands at all what my issue is. Sometimes he can be quite understanding and says he will miss the odd match for me, but other times he his loses patience and says "do you want me to just quit and ruin my life?". My ideal would be for him to just play home games and miss away matches, but I know he would never miss half the games. He genuinely doesn't seem to understand why it upsets me so much. He even said "you're an independent woman, you don't need me in your weekend", which I found so hurtful. Sometimes I start questioning whether I'm the unreasonable one for wanting him to miss a game or two in the first place, as it's clearly his real passion in life and always will be. Please tell me your honest opinions.

ScaredButUnavoidable · Yesterday 14:07

I married a sports mad man too OP!

He was captain of his cricket team and his town’s football team.

When I was pregnant he knew that things would have to change and to be fair to him he stopped playing cricket for the season after the baby was born and stopped playing football for the about 8 months after the birth too.

He did return to his football team but he dropped the captaincy role and dropped one of the training sessions too, so it was only Sunday mornings and one evening a week he wasn’t home. When he resumed his cricket our child was about 15 months old so it wasn’t such a big issue, and he only played home games (same with football).

I do think having hobbies is important so he had time for his and I made time for mine. I knew sport was important to him so although he did have to reduce how much sport he played in order to keep the family balance, I would never have made him give it all up entirely.

Brokentoes85 · Yesterday 15:57

MrsMorrisey · Yesterday 06:01

WTF. How is he a prick?!?

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He's saud his life would be ruined if he had to give up his hobby and spend the weekend looking after his kids. OK for the wife to do that though.

Nearly50omg · Yesterday 16:14

So he’s just leaving you to parent all weekend as well? Ask him why he thinks the parenting is all down to you and ask him what he plans to do with your child next Saturday as you have plans and it’s not taking her with you

Original poster

sanctuary86 · Yesterday 16:40

BillyBites · Yesterday 06:06

Does he take the car when he plays, leaving you without easy transport?
What would annoy me (as well as all the other points raised), is the assumption that you’re the default childcare without your real consent. It’s just assumed that he can do whatever he wants and you’ll conform. Yes, I know it’s your child so childcare is part of the package but it doesn’t appear to be part of his
package and that’s not fair.
It would also piss me off all these people suggesting to go along and watch. I would rather chew my own arm off than spend hours doing that. Why do men think we women want to adore them from the touch line? Can you imagine for one moment the average man trotting along to watch his wife do her hobby? Unless it’s pole-dancing, it just wouldn’t happen.

You're right - it's the presumptuousness that's hard to swallow. If he were more considerate, I would probably be far less resentful and possibly more likely to encourage him to play.....reverse psychology etc. He has said he is terrified (his words!) of asking me if I need him to miss a game, and me saying yes. He's very childish in many respects...

OP posts:

HangingInJustAbout · Yesterday 16:44

sanctuary86 · 24/05/2026 21:29

This is what he says to me. It is a fair point but I do feel that once you have kids your priorities have to become more flexible

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Absolutely. If you weren’t parenting when he’s at cricket what would he do? It’s the assumption that you are there to facilitate his hobby and even watch him do it, that it irksome. What if you took up cricket? What then? How would that work?

Yes it’s his passion but he chose to have a child.

Read Fair Play by Eve Rodesky. Then see if he will. He is getting huge chunks of self care time. Where is yours?

HangingInJustAbout · Yesterday 16:48

Brokentoes85 · Yesterday 15:57

He's saud his life would be ruined if he had to give up his hobby and spend the weekend looking after his kids. OK for the wife to do that though.

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Yes. He gets to prioritise his wellbeing and self care by doing such a time intensive hobby. He gets to protect his mental health. At the expenses of hers.

Married women live less long. Unmarried women live longer. Married men live longer than unmarried men. Men literally steal years of life from the women they marry.

This is one of the reasons why IMHO.

Coffecakeicing · Yesterday 16:56

You are with a selfish man whose priority is not his family.
You are designated childcare, that's your place.
Don't have more children with him.
He's not a great father or husband.
Good men do not do this.
Selfish ones do.
Yanbu to be disappointed in yourself for choosing him.
Unfortunately none of us know what it's like before we have a child.
But he's already been a selfish arse with his teenager.
He has form.

Original poster

sanctuary86 · Yesterday 16:57

UnintentionalArcher · 24/05/2026 22:40

Sport and exercise are really important to me and my husband; I understand the wellbeing side of this. We have a baby but neither of us does activities that take us away so frequently for whole days for a large portion of the year. This is partly luck - neither of us loves cricket, golf or similar sports - and I understand your husband having a passion.

That said, @sanctuary86, it really isn’t fair that you’re solo parenting every Saturday for such a large portion of the year. I would suggest that you sit down together and look at the season in advance and make a plan, and that this includes something like:

One or two games that he will miss, without complaint, so you can go on holiday.
A couple of Sundays that you will have completely to yourself (and get some things arranged for these). I know you’re keen to prioritise family time but you may be less resentful and more present for this on the other Sundays.
A regular Sunday morning slot he has with the children, even if just to make them breakfast or do a short activity for a couple of hours, while you lie in/have a walk/ do a gym class.
A couple of whole family Sunday days out, so you know you’ve got nice things planned.
A couple of times when you will come down to the club and watch for an hour or two with the children - you may find this actually enjoyable when you have a fairer plan in place generally. (I enjoyed going to see my Dad play cricket when I was a child, but I was lucky as the ground was rural so lots of running around was possible and there were other children there).

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Thank you x

OP posts:

Sensiblesal · Yesterday 23:57

sanctuary86 · Yesterday 06:48

It is so interesting to see the breadth of replies here. Thank you for the replies, it is so helpful to read them all and get some perspective. I err from thinking I want to divorce him and go it alone, to accepting the cricket and being happy for him.

To answer a few questions:
His previous relationship did not end due to cricket (I think his ex didn't like it, but just accepted it). He did, however, have a previous marriage (no children) that ended due to his hobby
He generally doesn't have to work many Saturdays, so it is lucky for him in that respect! He hates missing a game and has used banked time on the rare Saturday afternoon he has to work.
I think what frustrates me most, like others have said, is being the default parent, with no consideration of whether I want to do stuff on my weekend. It also rules out big day trips, as I prefer to do those together and not alone. It's also during the best months of the year! It's just very presumptuous.
He does pull his weight the other time, to give him his dues. E.g. he gets up on Sundays with toddler, I choose what we do (either together or alone). I understand people saying he's a selfish prick (!) but he does try to earn brownie points the rest of the week....

I do often think that if we hadn't had a child together, I don't think I would be with him. It's obviously an issue for us as we will often bicker about it. He's a very all-or-nothing person when it comes to sport. I really am conflicted. I think the best course is to be pragmatic and sit down and decide which games he will miss etc. At least then I can plan my solo time. Whether that's enough remains to be told!

So you ask a question, read the replies & still decide that you are going to restrict his hobby.

I don’t think you have a cricket problem, I think you have realised that your DH is not the right person for you & you are using the cricket as an excuse.

if you force him to give up his cricket or reduce when he can play, you will cause him to be resentful towards you. Like you say he steps up the rest of the time. I think if you end up both being resentful of the other, family time will be awful anyway and that impacts fhe child more in a negative way than the situation now. It will also speed up the path to divorce

99bottlesofkombucha · Today 00:20

Sensiblesal · Yesterday 23:57

So you ask a question, read the replies & still decide that you are going to restrict his hobby.

I don’t think you have a cricket problem, I think you have realised that your DH is not the right person for you & you are using the cricket as an excuse.

if you force him to give up his cricket or reduce when he can play, you will cause him to be resentful towards you. Like you say he steps up the rest of the time. I think if you end up both being resentful of the other, family time will be awful anyway and that impacts fhe child more in a negative way than the situation now. It will also speed up the path to divorce

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yes she read the replies, including all the ones that said he’s deprioritising his child and treating his wife badly expecting her to cover such a major piece of parenting entirely for him. Hes not offering her equivalent time, he’s not recognising he has a responsibility, he’s not available lots of Sundays either, he hasn’t shown any kind of plan for how he plans to support his own child doing sport or is that all the ops job too?

99bottlesofkombucha · Today 00:25

And if he gets snappy point out once divorced he can from May to September get every second Sunday with his child and just have to cancel his working those days , as no way would a woman who divorces him because he prioritises cricket over his family agree to splitting every weekend so he gets to play cricket and see his child, she deserves whole weekends with her child, nor would she be flexible on demand childcare to accomodate his working Sundays because she won’t be his wife any more so she doesn’t have to put up with being treated like a 24/7 childcare service. And his child will ask why can’t I ever go to dads for the whole weekend in summer and quickly realise the answer is daddy doesn’t want you for a whole weekend, you get in the way of the things he really cares about. Unless he gets a serious grip.

Macmeme · Today 07:58

I can sort of relate. Husband would play any and all sports if able, also works shifts. It felt pretty lonely at times when lids were young. We had a deal where he played cricket in summer and I played a winter sport on winter Saturday's ( hour long game, so when local was only a couple of hours out but away games far so a whole day).

He'll be miserable to give ut up. But I would make sure to get an evening/2 or winter Saturdays to yourself (he might understand your frustrations if you do this too!).

Also just make other plans with others on Saturdays..... and /or pop to the cricket to get your xhikd out and make friends with some of the families etc x

RedToothBrush · Today 08:05

Three things here

It's a short season
It's good for his physical health
It's good for his mental health to have male friends he will have from cricket

Yes it's a pain in the backside but it is at least a healthy hobby and it at least is only a few months a year.

Honestly it's difficult now, but when the toddler gets older it will have a few nice side effects and it will be easier.

What is important though is the making an effort on a Sunday as a family and you having some you time at some point (maybe when it's not cricket season). It needs to be given and take and an understanding that when he does this he relies on your support so he should be willing to do the same and to not take you for granted.

Honestly I'd rather put up with this for a few months than have a husband with no interests and be a lump of lard. It's good for him but he needs to realise he's not single anymore either.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · Today 08:07

OP be prepared for when your DS is around 5 or 6, so significantly less hassle, your DH suddenly deciding to retire from cricket (blaming some injury or other) and now he’s available for a much easier to manage child.

Does he ever have whole days on his own with your DS?

99bottlesofkombucha · Today 08:14

RedToothBrush · Today 08:05

Three things here

It's a short season
It's good for his physical health
It's good for his mental health to have male friends he will have from cricket

Yes it's a pain in the backside but it is at least a healthy hobby and it at least is only a few months a year.

Honestly it's difficult now, but when the toddler gets older it will have a few nice side effects and it will be easier.

What is important though is the making an effort on a Sunday as a family and you having some you time at some point (maybe when it's not cricket season). It needs to be given and take and an understanding that when he does this he relies on your support so he should be willing to do the same and to not take you for granted.

Honestly I'd rather put up with this for a few months than have a husband with no interests and be a lump of lard. It's good for him but he needs to realise he's not single anymore either.

Honestly I'd rather put up with this for a few months than have a husband with no interests and be a lump of lard.
there is so much middle ground between these two options, there’s no need to accept either. My dh isn’t a lump of lard, is fit and healthy with friends and would never ever dream of taking a whole day off on the weekend for his sports for all of summer.

RedToothBrush · Today 08:17

99bottlesofkombucha · Today 08:14

Honestly I'd rather put up with this for a few months than have a husband with no interests and be a lump of lard.
there is so much middle ground between these two options, there’s no need to accept either. My dh isn’t a lump of lard, is fit and healthy with friends and would never ever dream of taking a whole day off on the weekend for his sports for all of summer.

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I like men who at least are passionate about something.

sittingonabeach · Today 08:37

@RedToothBrush I like a man who is passionate about family. How much time did he have with his older DC after he split with their mum? Is it good if he put cricket before the limited time he would have with them?

BudgetBuster · Today 09:45

sittingonabeach · Today 08:37

@RedToothBrush I like a man who is passionate about family. How much time did he have with his older DC after he split with their mum? Is it good if he put cricket before the limited time he would have with them?

Well if that was the case then the OP was clearly on notice that he qasnt going to change. She has explicitly said he doesn't see his older DC Saturdays because of cricket, and that his previous marriage ended because of cricket. I'm not sure what she expected from him now

Sartre · Today 09:56

My FIL was like this when DH was growing up except he wouldn’t come home afterwards, he’d go to the pub all night so he was never there at the weekend. Some of the games would go on for the full weekend as well and he also worked away all week so basically never saw his family (intentionally I think). MIL was lonely and had an affair so they divorced when DH was 18. He has poor memories of his dad as a result.

I wouldn’t stand for it personally. Hobbies are fine, I run and sometimes can be out for a couple of hours doing that at the weekend but I don’t and wouldn’t expect DH to deal with me out of the house all day every weekend. Family time is important.

Seeingadistance · Today 10:01

Doesitneverend · 24/05/2026 21:05

You married a cricketer. You must have known this was something important to him and now you are trying to change him.

This.

It would different if this was something that he’d taken up recently but you married him knowing that he’s had this commitment since childhood.

sittingonabeach · Today 10:03

@BudgetBuster oh definitely written on the cards for OP.

But I was saying I would want a DH who was passionate about family life with a bit of a hobby, rather than passionate about a hobby with a bit of time for family

Brokentoes85 · Today 11:13

RedToothBrush · Today 08:05

Three things here

It's a short season
It's good for his physical health
It's good for his mental health to have male friends he will have from cricket

Yes it's a pain in the backside but it is at least a healthy hobby and it at least is only a few months a year.

Honestly it's difficult now, but when the toddler gets older it will have a few nice side effects and it will be easier.

What is important though is the making an effort on a Sunday as a family and you having some you time at some point (maybe when it's not cricket season). It needs to be given and take and an understanding that when he does this he relies on your support so he should be willing to do the same and to not take you for granted.

Honestly I'd rather put up with this for a few months than have a husband with no interests and be a lump of lard. It's good for him but he needs to realise he's not single anymore either.

I don't think it's an either or situation.

Also, why does his mental health trump hers?

BonfireToffee · Today 11:25

sanctuary86 · 24/05/2026 21:27

Agree with everything you say! What I find hard is keeping that simmering resentment at bay (leaving me with our child all day!). I hate that it's just a given that he's busy on a Saturday and therefore I have to give up my Saturday....

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Can’t believe the responses on here, OP. You’re not being unreasonable at all. Your husband is telling you that whacking a ball round with his mates is more important than you and the kids. Selfish man-child.

BudgetBuster · Today 12:16

sittingonabeach · Today 10:03

@BudgetBuster oh definitely written on the cards for OP.

But I was saying I would want a DH who was passionate about family life with a bit of a hobby, rather than passionate about a hobby with a bit of time for family

Absolutely 💯 I agree
But I'm not sure what the OP is looking for really as she hasn't replied to anyone who has asked 'was this a conversation before having a child together' or 'what her expectations were' before deciding to have a child together.

I'm currently expecting and we will have 2 under 2 with a teen stepchild also. My DH is frequently out of the house and before we even tried for this baby we had lots of discussions that he would need to pull back on his extra curricular for awhile because it isn't fair for me to juggle so many bedtimes. But it was a conversation. Life automatically tends to change for women after kids and men sometimes don't get really understand it. But agree there should be some sort of compromise. Everyone is entitled to a bit of freetime too and family time is important.

pinkyredrose · Today 12:21

sanctuary86 · 24/05/2026 21:06

He is very good around the house etc, and is tidy/cleans lots. I do think spending time together as a family is less important to him than me. E.g. I don't think it would especially bother him if we didn't go on family holidays etc.

So what? Are you good around the house too?