AIBU to want one child-free weekend after two extra weeks together

[Claudiaas]

My boyfriend has a 5 year old DSS. DSS stays with us every weekend and a few days in the week.

in July his mum is going on holiday for two weeks so we will have him for 2 weeks. She’s offered to have DSS the weekend she comes back (on “our” week) as we’ll have had him extra. She never usually has him at the weekend

me and my boyfriend got into an argument last night because he said he wanted to keep DSS for the weekend so we could go to a caravan. I said we could arrange that for any other weekend as we always have him, and this is a rare child free weekend we could do something together.

he said I was selfish, and that he was “being deprived” of time with his child. I said we can do any weekend, or you can go that weekend? He said I needed to be there because it’s “normal” to spend time as a 3.

my point is that we never have a weekend just us and it would be nice to do something just us - we’d already have had DSS for an extended amount of time, which is fine

aibu?

Well I think some of your dps actions are red flags. Of course it makes sense for mum to have the weekend when she's just got back from a two week holiday. Mum and child will want to spend time together . Insisting he still has the weekend benefits who exactly ? Only him .
Not being allowed to make your own plans when dc is there - what? You don't have the responsibility of a child to consider. He does! You are free to arrange days out with friends, without having to think about child care etc. Because DSS is not your child!
He's not interested in spending a rare weekend together , just the two of you. Most parents who are still together would appreciate being able to do that.
Get rid.

I'm literally ALWAYS on the mums side but honestly you don't sound unreasonable here. Why don't yous get a caravan and take him on holiday the extra 2 weeks yous have him? I'm assuming he's taken some time off work for it? Or the weekend in between the 2 weeks maybe?

There’s only one selfish person here and it ain’t you.

As always, mumsnet attitude towards step mums is WILD. As a step mum who also has their DSS every weekend I absolutely wouldn’t feel guilty at all for wanting for a child free weekend even just once a year.

I bet a lot of the parents in here saying you’re a terrible person OP wouldn’t think twice about having a weekend away without their kids. It’s double standards.

What a lovely man/dad

Also, I actually don’t think you’re unreasonable. I just think it’s lovely he wants his kid a lot. No one is unreasonable but I think you have to suck it up

Tell your partner it is important that his son gets to spend time with just him.
Don't let him guilt you into not going out with friends.

I would be concerned that he wants the 'perfect family' rather than you in his life. His child is his responsibility (and privilege). You should be involved as much as you want (or not). You shouldn't be pressured into being there every weekend to be part of the 3!

OP, doesn't realise that she is the nanny with a fanny that has to be totally available for him.

Women like the op just can't see that they flll a very specific role for these lazy selfish men that don't actually want to pay maintenance but also don't want to parent.

Hence their need for a naive doormat whom will tolerate the role of nanny with a fanny🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

This. His child is his priority and so it should be. At the same time he will come before everything at your expense. Please read the hundreds of threads on here about how difficult and thankless it is taking on someone else’s child.
and read the countless of threads about women who have kids with someone who already has kids and then decide actually they don’t want to do it anymore.
I personally would never be with anyone who has kids because I never want to take on someone else’s child. So you need to think about how your future is going to pan out

You don't think it's unreasonable that he doesnt want her having time to herself or with her family and that he doesn't want a weekend alone with her?

You're the nanny with a fanny.

Dump him.

No. We’re allowed different opinions tho 😃 Happy for you to disagree

Dont date someone who has kids unless you are prepared to have them 100% of the time. Because it may happen.

It’s nice that your partner wants to spend time with his son but I remember dating someone who had a child when I didn’t and I get where your coming from too, it’s difficult.

Sounds like dad has more custody then mum if has every weekend

which I do find weird if lives with mum other week days so not like she’s a issue to care for DS (where for example dd is with me the whole time as ex isn’t trusthworthy to have dd as an addict)

why doesn’t DS ever spend a weekend with his mum ?

and very controlling of your bf to not allow /want ds to spend a weekend with his mum after being away for 2w - when the mum has offered

how much care do you do for this boy @Claudiaas

Wow, you actually think you have a right to dictate how your partner spends their weekend just because you have a child?! The entitlement of some parents is beyond belief.

😂😂😂😂😂 yes that’s exactly what I said. I bid you goodnight my dear

You were asked
You don't think it's unreasonable that he doesnt want her having time to herself or with her family and that he doesn't want a weekend alone with her?

You said:
No. We’re allowed different opinions tho

So yeah, that seems to be your opinion, is it not?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable that he wants to spend extra time with his kid. It’s ok, you don’t have to argue with yourself, It’s allllllll good. Try to calm down a bit, it’s not your problem

No one is upset, im just trying to understand your view. The question you were asked by the pervious poster wasn't about if it was ok for him to spend time with his child, it was about controling HER time. Im guessing you misread, maybe you were upset.

You’re cute

Yes, of course he is.

He thinks it's selfish of the OP to go out with friends or to visit her family when they have his DS. Every weekend, some week nights & holidays.

the child's mum wants to have her DS for one weekend when she gets back from being away for 2 weeks. OP was happy to agree to that & enjoy ONE 1/52 weekends with her partner alone. He's told her & the mum no, he wants to keep DS that weekend AND told the OP she's selfish for not wanting to go to the caravan with them. Why? Why can't Daddy spend the weekend with his DS by himself? Because he's too fucking lazy to actually parent hhs child.

why can't you see that?

No, his DS is not his priority. His priority is himself. Upsetting his Ex (who wants her child for the weekend) & OP who would enjoy one (unasked for) weekend together, without a child.

control is his priority.

if it was his child he'd be happy to take his DS to the caravan alone & fir the OP to visit her family & see friends while DS is at theirs, not call her selfish.

He doesn't want his child a lot, he wants to control his ex & the OP.