AIBU to think arriving late and skipping a course was fine?

[Ellenie]

I will say in advance we don’t tend to do very formal meals all that often in our family or circle so this is an unfamiliar environment to me.

Last night we attended a formal/black tie event, arranged by a relative. A meal followed by a showing of his new creative project then some drinks.

DS and his girlfriend arrived about 10 minutes late to the meal, his girlfriend skipped the started opting for just wine instead. They didn’t apologise for being late just took their seats etc.

DH thinks it was very rude for them to be late, not apologise and for DS’s girlfriend to just have wine when everyone else was eating, as this made him uncomfortable.
He is insistent we should “have a word with them”.

AIBU to think it’s a total non issue, not rude and they were fine, didn’t do anything wrong.
They attend formal events much more often than we do, seemed very comfortable and she didn’t make a big deal out of not ordering starter, no I’m dieting/I ate a big lunch discourse, just no starter for me thank you. As for being late I think 10 minutes is within an acceptable range and they didn’t have to apologise as we were also just guests and the host would be none the wiser.
Is DH being dramatic?

The arriving late without apology is rude.

if she just sat there getting pissed that’s also pretty rude! If she just sat with one drink like everyone else though that’s fine

Lateness is rude and should have at least warranted an apology.

It would be ruder to arrive late, insist on a starter and hold up everyone else's meals as a result.

She wasn’t getting pissed by any means, she just had one glass of wine in place of the starter but had the main etc. with everyone else.
I do think an apology would have been nice but I don’t think it’s a massive issue or needs “a talk”.

It depends. Did they have a genuinely good reason to why they were late?
If was because they couldn't be arsed to be ready on time, then that is really rude.

Lateness is rude.

Skipping a course is fine but in a black tie setting you just recieve the course and leave it untouched, it would be rude of anyone to comment on this.

Turning up late to a black tie event is rude

Not apologising is unspeakably rude.

No starter is a non issue, but really the lateness and lack of apology is jaw dropping

DS later told us it took them longer than expected to hail a cab and they ended up in a little bit of traffic.

DH thinks it was very rude for them to be late, not apologise and for DS’s girlfriend to just have wine when everyone else was eating, as this made him uncomfortable.
He is insistent we should “have a word with them”.

Assuming they are adults, he is being extremely controlling. He doesn’t get to dictate how other adults behave.

I would have apologised for being 10 minutes late (although I wonder if they’d assumed that the meal wouldn’t start exactly at the time specified), but the skipping a course is fine.

In either case it’s not really anything to do with your DH.

How late were they? Usually at a black tie event there's mingling and pre-dinner drinks before you actually sit down for the meal.

They sound very rude.

Presumably both had phones though so could have sent an apology message and then apologised when they arrived?

these things happen and it’s lesson learnt to plan ahead better in future! But they were rude on this occasion

Assuming they’re adults I wouldn’t say anything to them unless your DS asks you what you think. I do think it was rude though, they definitely should have apologised

I wouldn’t call 10 minutes late anyway. Not enough to apologise for. Posher people think being early is rude…

Surely if they missed a course, they were more than ten minutes late. Every black tie event I have ever been to has an arrival team and a seating time to prevent this, so 7pm for 7:30pm seating.

In any case, to turn up late and not apologise is very rude, whatever the reason. It's really quite disrespectful. And on a Friday night, wouldn't you have contingency time built in for the possibility of traffic being busy?

10 minutes, the ordering was slightly strange, it was arrival straight into the meal, a viewing of the creative project then mingling afterwards. I’m not sure why the order was as such.
People had been seated and chatting for a little while before the official start time but starters hadn’t been served yet when they arrived, everyone was just sorting drinks etc.

It was very rude

They didn’t miss a course I’m sorry if I worded it poorly, the starters weren’t even served yet, DS did have a starter, just his girlfriend didn’t.

They may well have apologised to the host, we weren’t the host, so I’m not sure what they would apologise to us for.

If people were already seated when they arrived, I presume they were much more than 10 mins late. If the invite said something like '7pm for 7.30pm dinner' and they arrived at 7.40pm, then they were 40 mins late, not 10 minutes. Even if it doesn't state it, if I know a meal will be served at a specific time I wouod aim to arrive 30 mins before that.

As adults, I don't know if need to 'have a word' but I would not be happy. Not having a starter was ok, not apologising was definitely not ok

Beats me why they couldn't have apologised and said they had issues getting a cab. Bit rude.

Formal or not, of course it's beyond rude to turn up late!

At least you deeply apologised to the host if your plane landed late, or you were believably delayed at work, just turning up late? I would give a bollocking to my kids, I have raised them better.

Did he apologise to the host? It doesn’t need to be long winded but it’s very rude to not apologise.

I’m not sure, we didn’t spend the whole night with them, they are mid-late 20s, so may well have.

Being late was rude. Not apologising was rude. Having wine and not eating the starter is a personal preference and not rude in itself. As long as they said something along the lines (to the waitstaff) ‘ No thank you I’ll skip the starter’. Or let someone else have it.

Was it a black toe event starting at 7 and they arrived 7.10? I probably wouldn't have assumed the meal would start at 7 in that case. For a social engagement 10 mins is nothing really.