Putting the word kindly before whatever you are saying, isnt being kind

[elephantjuiceq]

I'm getting a bit sick of MN writing "kindly" and then writing whatever you want. Eg "kindly you are being redicilous".

I find it just allows them to be rude and coming over "kindly".

God, people get offended by anything these days.

I think there's nothing wrong with the particular example you've given.

"kindly you are being ridiculous"

Absolutely fine if someone is being ridiculous and you want to point it out to them, without sounding nasty.

It's much softer than 'You are being ridiculous', if you think the OP is feeling a bit fragile.

I know what you mean. It’s passive aggressive

its like ‘polite notice’ - does the tone of the message or content change because the word polite has been added? Do you ever see a sign saying ‘rude notice’?

When reading words on a screen they can come across more bluntly than if you were speaking to someone, because there’s no context of tone of voice or body language to help.

I always think of the intro of ‘kindly’ as the same as someone speaking in a gentler tone of voice rather than a hectoring tone.

I agree with pp, it's used so the tone can be picked up. During times of grief, PND etc I've been ridiculous. I've been glad of honesty. We are shying away from honesty to much, these days.

But in OPs example the tone doesn’t change the fact you’re being called ridiculous. Wouldn’t it be better to say ‘oh that’s sounds tough but I think you’re focussing on the wrong thing here’ and then say why?

just telling someone they’re being ridiculous isn’t kind or helpful regardless of whether you stick ‘kindly’ in front

I think YABU

I have used it before when OP was unreasonable and seemed vulnerable/emotiotional and I wanted to portray my opinion without a pile on.
Suppose we cant always tell how people will read words on the internet🤷‍♀️

It's much the same as 'I'm not being funny but ...' or 'No offence but ...'

I find “kindly” and “gently” so patronising and it annoys me each time I see it! But I do agree it’s hard to get tone across in messages and I don’t have any suggestions for alternatives.

It's patronising and the equivalent of 'I'm not being [insert judgement] but ...'

Yep, hate it.
I also can't stand it when someone writes "no?" at the end of a statement to turn it into a patronising question that they expect you to 100% agree with. Makes me want to respond "NO!!!"

The only time I use ‘kindly’ before saying something that someone may not want to hear, is when I absolutely do mean it kindly, but think it’s something they NEED to hear to get themselves out of their funk.

When I read ’kindly’ I therefore take it as it presents, and am not offended by it.

Perhaps you’re a bit of a cynic? I don’t know.

Exactly. It’s signalling in writing what would be evident in a tone of voice in person, whether that’s a genuine softness or a PA ‘Grow up’.

You are being ridiculous if you think the word kindly does anything to soften the comment in that example.

Its patronising

It's not a case of being offended. It's annoyance at passive aggression and hypocrisy.

Kindly: God, people get offended by anything these days.

It's equivalent to:

No offence but...
I'm not being funny but...
I don't mean to be rude but...

But that would be down to individual opinion surely?

It very fashionable currently on here to start “kindly”. It actually means fuck all.

Saying the ‘blunt’ thing with kindly in front is lazy tbh

put a little more effort in to give a kind and helpful response

Agree.
"Kindly" is lazy and self-serving to the speaker, allowing then to feel better about themselves.

If you are sure someone needs to hear something, talk about the issue, not about them.

I'm not sure XYZ is the most important aspect here, I'd be more worried about ABC... says a lot more than You are being ridiculous

I hate 'polite' as in "polite notice" or "this is a polite reminder". No, I will decide whether your reminder is polite.

Yes! Like 'this is a gentle reminder' 🙄

Tempted to reply "well this is a rude response. Fuck your polite reminder" it's because I told them how they should receive the message.