Putting the word kindly before whatever you are saying, isnt being kind

[elephantjuiceq]

I'm getting a bit sick of MN writing "kindly" and then writing whatever you want. Eg "kindly you are being redicilous".

I find it just allows them to be rude and coming over "kindly".

I like it! Maybe I should use ChatGTP more! 😂

Tbf the AI bots are good at diplomatic answers. Many reasons for that I’m sure…

I agree - patronising/condescending. I've never once read it in someone else's post and thought it was anything other than jarring.

@Swiftie1878 , I've never used ChatGTP. I can think for myself.
I had a demo once.

When you want to give someone fairly blunt advice, it's best to make it look like a suggestion.

'This is wrong. You should have done it this way.' vs
'Have you thought of doing it this way? '

The ‘suggestion’ removes the bluntness though, and sometimes bluntness is needed, even if it’s meant kindly.

Its rude and passive aggressive. Same as 'I don't want to offend you but

Yes but the first one will raise hackles and the other person will be 'How dare she?!', the second one might be ignored but it gives the other person a suggestion not an order or criticism.

I think it’s arrogant.
At least a lot of the time.
It seems like the poster giving the advice knows better and is patiently imparting their wisdom.
One thing if the OP is actually giving a baby puréed McDonald’s, but another when the poster “kindly” advising may not understand the full situation or are commenting based on opinion or prejudice.
It gets used a lot when someone thinks the OP is being self indulgent or could do with having more “resilience”. There are usually at least some assumptions being made.

Blunt often comes across as rude.

If I asked you 'Does this dress make me look fat?' and you said 'Yes', that's being blunt. If you said 'Yes because you are fat' then you are probably blunt to the point of being offensive.
A tactful reply would be something like 'I prefer the blue one on you, it really suits your colouring'. You're offering a solution or something positive.

(I'd look fat in the blue dress too but I'd be focussing on it suiting my colouring not my huge arse)

If you feel it necessary to put the word 'kindly' in front, then you need to phrase your words better.

But diverting to the blue dress doesn't answer the closed, binary question. If you want to be kind and a good friend, say something along the lines of 'I'm afraid that cut doesn't flatter your bum, let's see if another style would be better'

@Triskellion75 , of course. Unless it precedes a cruel to be kind comment.

@grumpygrape , but you've put a great big negative in that.
'I'm afraid that cut doesn't flatter your bum, let's see if another style would be better' reads like 'That cut doesn't flatter your fat arse. Let's look for something you don't look so fat in.'

I guess it depends whether you regularly lie or tell the truth to your friends. If you tell the truth they won't take that leap.

It's still negative.

A kind statement should be self evident. It is the equivalent of im not a racist but...

But if her arse did look big in it how can you be positive?. Why would you lie and leave her open to other people saying 'oh, why didn't she just ask a friend if her arse looked big in that?'.

What would you say when she asks why you didn't just tell her?

Lying isn't kind, it's daft.

I used to work with someone who put “ polite reminder” at the beginning of every note, message, email she ever sent. In my head she was saying I’m going to nag you about something but if I put polite at the beginning you can’t moan at me. It actually made my teeth itch it was so irritating. Same woman used to eat half a biscuit from the tin in the staff room but then put the other half back in the tin. Because she couldn’t possibly manage a whole one. Which no one coming along later would eat so we ended up with basically a tin of crumbs.

I guess you have the diplomatic skills of a sledgehammer.

I don't want to get into a to and fro but I guess you struggle with answering straight questions truthfully with straight answers.

I disagree actually, because tone is critical to communication and we are writing not speaking, so you can’t hear how someone is saying something.

But in the example, ‘kindly, you’re a terrible parent’

how would you say that in a ‘kind’ tone?

It disguises an order. Schoolteacher speak.
’Kindly stop talking, get out your pens and open the text at page 1”

“No offence but you’re a fucking useless parent”

In a sing song voice 🤣

Not at all. a question like 'Does this dress make me look fat?' is a loaded one. I would not answer a loaded question with Yes or No.

A friend of mine asks question like 'Do you think Molly is a flirt?'. If I say yes, she will tell Molly 'Blee said you were a flirt'. I never answer such questions just turn them back with 'Do you?'