Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

[CertaintyOfTides]

Hello ,

So I'd like some outside perspective on this.
I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1.

So recently I've had a number of unforeseen issues ie . Poorly pets , deaths in the family and on my part , not being 100% thinking clearly .
I have a close friend , who we've both described as being like family . I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .
Last week I found myself about £10 away from trouble bank account wise . I didn't want to ask for money but was desperate and texted her saying I will get paid in 2 days but can you please lend me £10 . And please feel free to say no .
At the very least as I thought we were best mates, I expected a text back .
Instead, I got absolute radio silence. I then recieved a text thanking me for her birthday card but criticising the present I got her.

AIBU to think that lending a close friend £10 for two days, when you have plenty of money and they are struggling should not be a big deal and that they should at least say no. Rather than ignore you .

Thanks .

Blimey!

She was horrible about her present.

Can you tell her you are sorry it isn't suitable and if she returns it to you you can return it? (Can you?)

And then buy her a £10 replacement present.

It was uncaring and unfeeling of her to refuse to help you, though a risk as she has previously said she doesn't lend,

Is she wealthier than most of her friends and family? She might get this a lot and the mental / emotional burden of being asked might be more of an issue to her than the actual ££.

But odd that she was then so critical of the gift, if that is uncharacteristic.

Maybe that it cost more than a tenner?

I know she said she doesn't lend money but ffs it's a tenner!

I am a single parent on a tight budget and I'd have given you £10 if you were my friend!

She's also very rude to moan about the present.

This - £10 is not a lot between good friends so l would have helped you out even if l didn't get it back
She's not much of a friend criticising your present.

Sorry I pressed the wrong button! You are only being unreasonable for counting this person as a friend. I have had significantly larger loans than that , and vice versa, and have never once either reneged on or been cheated on repayments. £10 is a measly amount and if ( unless she is flat broke) it shows the height of meanness - compounded by criticising your gift - she’s not a friend worth keeping !!

Id have to be on the literal bones of my arse not to give a close friend £10.

I dont lend money either. Actually thinking about it, I do. Lunches from the shop if someone going at work. But nothing major and with thst sort of thing I keep a loose memory but its not the end of the world.

I do get it from both sides but a close friend would have offered? I have very few very close friends and I would have given them the money and not expected it back and vice versa. So the question is, how much of a friend is she? £10 isn’t an issue really

She sounds like an absolute cow, to be honest. It’s a shame you’re hard up or I’d suggest buying a load more lanterns and having them all around her front door.

Lending money can be a tricky subject OP. I'm glad someone came to your rescue. One thought is that you suggest to this friend that you stop exchanging gifts on the basis that things are a bit tight for you, and she is fussy and rude....

Definitely return the lantern if that is an option, and keep the money. I also wonder if that was her cack-handed attempt at saying you don't need to spend money on her.

I can understand the discomfort. She must have been burned in the past and worried that it would become a habit. £10 today, perhaps a more regular occurrence in the future. Also you don’t know her situation really so there’s that.

Do you save? That would help even if it’s just £5 a month - you’d be surprised how it mounts up and a godsend when you’re only short by a bit.

She was horrible about the present though - that sounds unfair.

I lent a friend £50 before, so she could pay her rent in full and still get daughter a birthday present. This was 10 years ago.. still not seen that £50. I asked for it a couple of times, as back then i was early 20s and a bit irresponsible with money. She still went out drinking/clubbing, whatever she wanted to do. I gave up asking in the end, when she finally acknowledged it about 4 years after i'd lent it, she told me "I had to pay debts to big companies first" which really annoyed me, as they have an abundance of money but there was times when I couldn't put fuel in my car. We ended up having a bit of an argument about it and we are no longer friends. See eachother now and then but not friends like we were.

She's not a very good freind. If she was worried about being taken advantage of she could have said. " I will give you £10. Its a gift but please dont ask me again"
As for critisising your birthday gift. Tell her to feel fres to donate it to a charity and dont buy her a gift next year.

She doesn't sound like a good friend .. I mean its 10 pound .. she sounds mean and rude

Personally if it was me, I would have just given you a tenner and said don’t bother paying it back but people are different. I can understand her not wanting to go there, I have been bitten many times myself. But the text criticizing the present you bought is rude.

I’ve always worked on the principle of never lending money I don’t mind never seeing again, whatever promises of repayment have been made. If it becomes too much for me, I say no. In the OP’s case, I’d have happily given her a tenner and not wanted to see it back. But I am very fortunate.

That is really fucking rude. I would never ever ever - seriously - say that to someone who has been kind enough to get me a present!

Having said that, I've learned on here that attitudes to present-giving really vary by class/financial status - people who have much less to throw around sometimes have a much more frank attitude to asking for (and giving feedback on) gifts. It's sad and depressing but I guess understandable when a luxury (or even a necessity) is a rare thing.

OTOH some people are just grasping CFs.

Most people CAN afford to lose ten pounds though that would be within your dad's advice.

Personally, if I had thousands in the bank and my so called friend was not eating dinner , going to bed in clothes and had no heating and was greiving . I would break my own rigid rule of not lending .

I was sort of on your side until this point OP. It makes you sound a bit entitled... If that's your situation then it is absolutely rubbish and I'm sorry... but it's not your friend's fault or her responsibility to rescue you. You're both adults, no? Doing food shops and paying energy bills for you would constitute quite a bit more than a tenner, and she already said she didn't lend larger sums, for perfectly understandable reasons...

So she has said in the past that she would lend you money @CertaintyOfTides

which makes it very weird she ignores text and then rude about your present

after being very burnt by getting a loan out for my then dh at the time - and now he doesn’t pay it as an ex - I would never ever ever lend money or take a loan out or be guarantee for anyone

if you can’t trust your dh ……..

but saying that - if a friend asked me for £10 for 2 days I would lend it a it’s not a huge amount

glad another friend helped you out

£10 is nothing to lend if you've got it, and if it was the first time in 35 years for a close friend who presumably knows all the circumstances I think it was a pretty terrible response, especially bitching about the birthday present. Who does that? At the very least, if it really did cross her boundaries, she should have sent a sympathetic response explaining. I once had to ask a former boss for a loan (who was also a friend) for a week or so while I was going through a difficult divorce and he gave it to me without hesitation. And of course I paid him back as I said I would.

Maybe she thought at some level she would be paying for the birthday present.

Even if was only on a temporary basis for a few days. Before you repaid her back.

Thanks for the replies . All I can say is that I do try and save but due to circumstances out of my control it is very hard . And whilst I can accept yes I am an adult , sometimes life just keeps hitting you . We are all 3 steps from homelessness and of you're lilucky enough to have your health and family then it makes the world of difference.

As I say I don't have that but thought I had this close friendship. Those that say , "she's not a close friend but I would lend to a close friend ." I am slightly confused about as Lucy has led me to believe we are .
To me friendship is about helping each other more than strangers, not less. In particular when your chips are down .
Whilst I acknowledge others see that as transactional , I actually do not.

I was thinking I must have made her feel uncomfortable but then the critique of the present just was too much . Because how can you be too shy to say " no , sorry, not going to lend . Hope you get sorted!"
Whilst saying how awful and bright the present is and do I want a photo of it !?
I've reread the reviews of it and everyone else is 5star and not once says its scary .

People wanging on and on about the present. Come on. It was TEN QUID. For a GOOD friend. Surely friendship is allll about give and take?!?!?

I want to see the hideous present

Me too!!!!!!