Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

[CertaintyOfTides]

Hello ,

So I'd like some outside perspective on this.
I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1.

So recently I've had a number of unforeseen issues ie . Poorly pets , deaths in the family and on my part , not being 100% thinking clearly .
I have a close friend , who we've both described as being like family . I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .
Last week I found myself about £10 away from trouble bank account wise . I didn't want to ask for money but was desperate and texted her saying I will get paid in 2 days but can you please lend me £10 . And please feel free to say no .
At the very least as I thought we were best mates, I expected a text back .
Instead, I got absolute radio silence. I then recieved a text thanking me for her birthday card but criticising the present I got her.

AIBU to think that lending a close friend £10 for two days, when you have plenty of money and they are struggling should not be a big deal and that they should at least say no. Rather than ignore you .

Thanks .

Yes and this too. It's bizarre to buy someone a present knowing you cant really afford it and then ask the exact same person to lend you money back!

I’d give a friend a tenner. Or more if it was a genuine one off. I know my close friends (I only have a couple) well enough to judge. They’d do the same for me.

I - and other friends - have been burned by another "friend" who lied and schemed and 'borrowed' money that she tried not to pay back. This person is still kicking around on the outskirts of our group with people who can't just kick her out because she owes them cash, and they hope to get it back.

You might have good morals and say you'll pay it back, but it's a slippery slope. No wonder she has the blanket rule. So do I, now.

I wouldn’t have bought a birthday present I couldn’t afford - and then ask the birthday girl to borrow money. Effectively, she would be paying for her own gift.

What did you need the money for and what are your circumstances?

On the face of it I’d lend a friend £10 but honestly I said no to my friend just a few weeks ago.

He is a very good friend but he lives at home with his mum and has no actual money worries, whilst I’m a single parent and need to pay my bills.
The reason he is short is because he’s reckless with his money and so I felt it was a bit of a piss take for him to ask me.

Honestly I wouldn't ask a friend for money. Not even a tenner. I've given money to family and friends but it's always felt a strain and I try not to. If you knew she didn't like to lend i wouldn't have asked.

I guess she probably felt awkward saying no. It's a difficult situation to be put in.

Criticising the gift is a bit rude though...
Depends what she said though.

If I was going to ask a friend for money, I would ask face to face or at least by telephone call.

Once someone gets burned when lending money, they will be extremely cautious to do it again. I lent a friend money 21 years ago and she always repaid. I lent another connected friend money which she never returned. I never lent money to anyone after that

I wouldn’t.
That’s putting them on the spot and I’d find that rude.

No idea but please stop putting a space before every full stop.

Yes.

Op, it was embarrassing enough without her adding insult to injury. Horrible woman.

You know she’s had issues lending in the past, she has told you she doesn’t lend money, but there is absolutely nobody else in your life you could ask for a tenner? You have invited people here to call her tight, selfish etc, but if her policy isn’t to lend money, that’s it. You have enough income to own pets, but at £10 quid short you are destitute? And yet it’s your close friend who is being accused of being wrong?

I’d give a stranger a tenner if they needed it, unless they did something awful to me. A close friend would have to really have messed up for me not to just give them it.

That's a really petty comment to make.

I would definitely lend a good friend £10.00 and unless I was hard up myself I would tell them to keep it. I did lend money to a close friend who was going through a difficult time financially, I also bought her and her partner a couple of bags of groceries as they had no food and I was worried about how much weight they had lost. At that time money was tight for me, but their situation was far worse and I knew they would repay the cash when they could, which they did, but I refused their offer to pay me for the food as they didn't ask for it, that was my totally my decision.

Let's beg to differ. Texting is rude in my opinion.

The OP is talking about this specific situation. They aren't asking for your fine financial advice. Mind your own......

You knew the answer. You should not have asked.

You've made it clear that you being short of money is a problem of your own making - '100 per cent not thinking clearly'

You need to sort out your finances and stop asking people for money. I'd start with not buying gifts for people when you clearly can't afford it.

Everyone has the right to say no to lending money, but personally a best friend and £10, and assume no history of not asking and not repaying? I have a friend who asks me every so often and in some ways I don’t mind as she pays me back without reminding on pay day, but I do feel like I can’t say no as she knows I have it in my savings and she has a disabled child.

I once loaned a close friend 12k for a year. She never asked me, but I could see how passionate she was about buying a camper van with her pension at 55, so I offered. I am now so glad I did and she got that extra year using it and enjoying it as by 57 she was gone, taken by cancer 9wks after diagnosis. We did have measures in place so i’d receive my money if she had have died during that year (pension signed to me).

You know she’s been ripped off in the past. She’s very upset and sensitive about it, to the extent that she’s made it known she’ll never lend money again. You’re a good friend and you know all this. But you asked her anyway. I expect she was pissed off, and chose silence rather than expressing her anger.

She shouldn’t have criticised the present though, but you’ve not been clear on the context. Was she saying that you shouldn’t have bought her a present if you were skint?

I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .

Asking while knowing this makes you unreasonable. She's already told you. She should not have to do it again.

Being critical about your gift was rude and unnecessary. So you're both unreasonable.

Hello ,
So I'd like some outside perspective on this.
I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1

what does this mean? The always paid money?

Wow. I’ve stepped in to pay for people’s shopping at the till before now. I don’t have a lot but I always help out when I’m able. She’s a crummy friend. It’s one thing not to give, that’s her choice, but she owed you a reply. And to criticise a present? Yikes, that’s a horrible thing to do. Cruel even.

Oh that's so sad that your friend only got to enjoy her camper van and retirement for so short a time, but what a wonderful gift your loan was.

The only people I lend money to are my kids and I do that in the knowledge I don’t care if I don’t get it back.

I wouldn’t have lent you it. Sorry.

Why did you choose to ask someone who had told you they didn't lend money? Seems an odd choice.