Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

[CertaintyOfTides]

Hello ,

So I'd like some outside perspective on this.
I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1.

So recently I've had a number of unforeseen issues ie . Poorly pets , deaths in the family and on my part , not being 100% thinking clearly .
I have a close friend , who we've both described as being like family . I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .
Last week I found myself about £10 away from trouble bank account wise . I didn't want to ask for money but was desperate and texted her saying I will get paid in 2 days but can you please lend me £10 . And please feel free to say no .
At the very least as I thought we were best mates, I expected a text back .
Instead, I got absolute radio silence. I then recieved a text thanking me for her birthday card but criticising the present I got her.

AIBU to think that lending a close friend £10 for two days, when you have plenty of money and they are struggling should not be a big deal and that they should at least say no. Rather than ignore you .

Thanks .

She is mean and very rude.

And whilst I can accept yes I am an adult , sometimes life just keeps hitting you . We are all 3 steps from homelessness and of you're lilucky enough to have your health and family then it makes the world of difference.

Yes, you are right, so then why spend money on a present for her if you cant even afford to live for the next week- this makes no sense whatsoever. This isnt about luck, it's about not making sensible choices with your money when you hit hard times which we all invariably do on occasion. If I thought I would barely make it a few days until payday I wouldnt be splurging unnecessary money on presents and gifts.

I've no idea what this thread is about, but if a stranger in the street asked me for £10 I would give it to them if it looked like they needed it for something reasonable. A friend? Yes, in an instant. What do I need £10 for?

It seems odd that you're so short of money that a tenner makes a significant difference to you, yet you buy unrelated adults birthday presents.

How about you stop doing that and maybe you won't need to ask for help.

Just say to adults in your life "I've decided not to buy gifts any more, and don't expect any. I'm sure we're all feeling the pinch." Or something. And just buy for kids.

Having said that, I'd a friend asked me for a tenner, I'd just send it without asking any details. I wouldn't ask for it back but would accept if they offered it.

Sorry OP you are having such a bad time and that your "friend" let you down for only £10, l don't lend money either but there are times when you can make exceptions or give it to the person in need
Glad that someone else helped you.

I don’t think she’s truly your friend.

She shouldn’t have criticised your present, seems very ungrateful and bratty.

However, she has made it clear she doesn’t borrow money to anyone. Which is probably why she ignored your message about asking for a lend.

I’ve been in similar positions to your friend over the years. Apart from one person, everyone I’ve ever lent to has never repaid. Which is why I am extremely reluctant to lend to anyone, and if I do, it’s with the expectation and acceptance that I am very unlikely to see it back again.

Could you now just offer to return your gift and then only give her a box of chocolates (or the nothing that she deserves!) back?

I'm sorry she treated you so shabbily. Unless she's struggling financially £10 is a very small amount to lend.

In this context I would have given rather than lent you the £10.

If you are moving past this, stick with buying her cards in future.

I say I don't lend money purposely so people who take the piss and see others' accounts as extensions of their own don't come asking me.

But if any of my family or friends were in a tight spot I'd help them. If a friend asked me to loan them £10 I'd be worried about them and would give them what they actually needed.

I've been in a tight spot because of unforeseen circumstances previously. I didn't ask anybody for anything but had several friends offer.

Why did you buy her a present if you were in financial difficulty?

Also - how dare she criticise your gift!!

I think you shouldn’t have bought her the present and that money should have gone into a savings buffer as it seems you don’t have one. Of course sometimes emergency happens and it seems you are not prepared for it or what you do have isn’t enough.

As far as her attitude, she was a bit mean with not replying . She was probably wondering why you could spend on a gift but then ask to borrow . I probably would have given it . But would have been pissed off .

For a good friend who we would know is on hard times, then yes we would gift the request plus a bit extra and a food parcel from home and chuck in a couple of beers or wine if we knew that’s what they liked as well.

we have done it for a former employee although in the end he was taking the p*ss and not showing up for work, so we stopped that. He ended up messaging earlier this year asking for a loan ( haven’t seen him since September) which I didn’t respond to..

so it depends on the person and scenario.

in your case we would have gladly helped.

I would have just given you a tenner. I gave twenty to the local homeless guy when he was sat outside the supermarket. However, I can understand that she's been burned and maybe that's how it started? A tenner here and there, then next thing a lot is owed or requested, and she never gets it back. She probably wants to avoid that slippery slope she's experienced before, preserve the friendship and remembers she's told you that she doesn't lend money. It was still rude of her to criticise your gift though.

She’s obviously been triggered by your request and feels disrespected by you asking given her past bad experiences and the fact that she explicitly told you that lending money was a red line for her. I have lent lots of money to friends and even work colleagues that I manage in order to bridge various things (four figure sums) so would never act like your friend but clearly it is a source of anxiety for her for some reason.

A tenner is absolutely nothing for a good friend who has never asked before. To hell with “red lines”. It’s a big leap from that to lending escalation but if the friend clearly couldn’t cope over time I’d direct them to a good debt advice charity to help them sort things out.

You say she isn't hurting for money, which I am not either. If anyone close to me asked to borrow a tenner I wouldn't even think I am lending it to them as I wouldn't be thinking about needing it back. Having said that people have weird and very different relationships with money.

You knew she had a red line of never lending money, yet you still asked. I'm not surprised she ignored you. She had no wish to offend you.

The only time I have ever had a "friend" ask to borrow money, I didn't get it back. So now I generally don't lend money if someone asks either, but I know my close friends would never ask. The one occasion I have had to borrow money, it was to get me home, and was paid back within a couple of hours.

That saId, I have offered to lend my dsis £3k from my house deposit because I knew she needed it for something important. She accepted, and paid me back over two years.

I'd give my friends £10 without hesitation.

Asking for money is the issue. Whether she has plenty of money or not is none of your business.

It was 10 pounds between apparently best friends. Then to add insult to injury insults the gift, knowing your hardship. She’s not a friend she’s a bitch. Ditch her . Hope you’re in a better spot . Take the gift back she wasn’t happy with and get a refund.

You're not best mates. Not even close.
Not only was your request ignored, she then criticized a gift you gave her. She looks down on you @CertaintyOfTides
FWIW no one is responsible for loaning you any amount of money, large or small. But, this "friend" is also a bit of a bitch.

If I wanted to borrow money, I would not make a request via text message - I'd call them or ask in person.

You shouldn’t have asked to borrow £10 from her. She set her boundaries after being taken advantage of in the past and you ignored that by asking to borrow money. It’s made worse by the fact you asked to do this around the time of her birthday. How can you be buying a birthday gift for her and then asking to borrow a tenner from her? Talk about bad timing. Do you not have other friends that you can ask for help if you’re in a tight spot?

At uni I was once in a similar position. My 2 close friends came from homes very much more financially stable than mine. I just needed £5 to buy some essentials and would have paid it back within days, when I was going to receive some money into my bank account.
Neither of them would lend it. They made me feel guilty for asking, quoting ‘never a lender nor a borrower be’. They were both very committed Christians and their judgment of me was one of the reasons I eventually saw through the hypocrisy of the church and Christianity.

The present was bought before Op had the unexpected car bill though. And as the Op says it's quite tricky to find meaningful gifts below a certain amount. Buying crap for the sake of it is just as wasteful.

I think all this "lending" angst is inappropriate. I would give my friend a tenner and not worry about it being repaid.
The radio silence was uncalled for. I'm guessing Lucy thinks you are bad with money and this is her disapproval.
Don't lose the friendship but don't spend any money on or near her. No coffees out, just an inexpensive, interesting coloured nail varnish as her gift next year.

I think that she probably values the friendship and lending money to a friend can escalate and ruin a friendship…. Whilst I would take the risk… once you have done it once you are likely to ask again and so the slippery slope starts. I honestly think she has probably saved your friendship.