Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

[CertaintyOfTides]

Hello ,

So I'd like some outside perspective on this.
I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1.

So recently I've had a number of unforeseen issues ie . Poorly pets , deaths in the family and on my part , not being 100% thinking clearly .
I have a close friend , who we've both described as being like family . I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .
Last week I found myself about £10 away from trouble bank account wise . I didn't want to ask for money but was desperate and texted her saying I will get paid in 2 days but can you please lend me £10 . And please feel free to say no .
At the very least as I thought we were best mates, I expected a text back .
Instead, I got absolute radio silence. I then recieved a text thanking me for her birthday card but criticising the present I got her.

AIBU to think that lending a close friend £10 for two days, when you have plenty of money and they are struggling should not be a big deal and that they should at least say no. Rather than ignore you .

Thanks .

I don't lend people money either. I had a bad experience with it so I just don't go there. I equally never ask friends for money either.

However, her being rude about your gift was very nasty behaviour and I'd probably distant myself for that alone.

If it was a grand id be taking her side but its a tenner yanbu

To me, its a no brainer. Of course I would. Even if Id be burt before, which I have, I still would for £10.
I just wouldn't repeatedly lend money but a one off, yeah.

Stop the gifts, for 2 reasons one she is an ungrateful madam and two, if u find urself in such a precarious financial situation then you shouldn't be buying them. It is her perogative not to lend money, but I think if someone asked me for tenner my immediate thought would be it must be for essentials

You knew they had a personal boundary and you didn't respect it. And put them in an awkward position.

You were in the wrong and being pissy they didn't reply is wrong.

For £10 I would just give it and not expect it back. I never lend money as a matter of principal.

Like others have said, I would have given you the tenner, because I could spare that, especially for a friend.

To be honest, I’d probably give it if I had it in cash (admittedly unlikely) if anyone asked me on the street. I have too much empathy.

And I know some beggars are cheats or would spend it on booze/drugs but I’d rather give to that than to unknowingly deny someone in true need.

And to just ignore your request is pretty mean, though you did put her in a tricky position and she had told you her stance. Though again if she had said you would be an exception then that is mixed messages.

I think I’d have to raise it with her, face to face. Not easy but you’ll hold it against one another otherwise. If she sticks to her stance, all you can do is take the high road and apologise.

Sometimes apologising when you have not done anything wrong is the only way to move forward. I know many on here won’t agree with me, so let’s agree to differ in advance.

The fact she’s repeatedly mentioned how she wouldn’t lend money again, suggests she perhaps knew this would be on the cards at some point.

Don’t buy presents when you’re short of money. I’d rather have no present than lend money.

I think the worry with it being just a tenner, is that that would just be the start of it, and she’s been there before.

You saying 'it's not a big deal' as you're struggling and she can afford it is precisely the reason so many people feel entitled not to pay money back and that then creates an awkward situation.

Everyones full of promises when asking for the money. Then it's radio silence on the day they're supposed to pay it back then if you ask for it it's:

'it's only a tenner'
'You don't need it'
'you know i'm going through a hard time so i'm surprised by you asking for it back'
'well I don't have it now because when I got paid X happened and I needed to pay for that'
'I have bills to pay which are more important'
'yeah I was on SM showing off my new bag when i haven't paid you back but i've felt so low lately I didn't think a real friend would begrudge me having something nice'

All quotes taken from real life situations.

Your friend doesn't lend money because she's been burned before and knows it'll be the death knell of the entire friendship to get in the situation above because it isn't 'just a tenner', it's being taken advantage of.

I agree.

Yes, it's "just" a tenner but if you are only one bill away from being absolutely broke OP, then it's very likely this is going to happen again isn't it? next month it will be just another tenner and then another one- its only a tenner after all!!

Then, before you know it you realise that you've lent someone £100 and they havent paid any of it back.

People saying it's just ten quid, your friend is awful. Well, I'd counter that with - I dont treat my friends like my personal ATM machine as I am an adult who takes personal responsibility for my finances.

I'd simply give a friend a tenner if they were that strapped. And not criticise a present whether I liked it or not.

She doesn't sound great.

I’d be bloody tempted to reply, ‘sorry you really don’t like the gift I bought you. As you said have no use for it, and I could definitely have done with the money, please let me collect it and I’ll take it back for a refund. I’ll get you another more pleasing gift when I have the money to.’

And then fucking don’t. CF that she is.

£10 is an unlikely figure to get anyone out of financial trouble- it is much more likely to be a couple of hundred,which is far trickier,depends on your financial situation and how good a friend,but when you lend money always be prepared to never see the money again.

I dont lend money to anyone.
Only lend what your willing to lose in my case thats nothing, been down that road and i wont do it again.

If im ever asked its a flat out no sorry i dont have it and i dont lend.

Absolutely horrible behaviour. Surely if she was a friend she would just give you the 10 and then tell you to keep it. If you ask again she can say she doesn't lend money. I'd hate if a friend couldn't ask me for a dig out when stuck, a friend who repeatedly takes advantage if a very different story.

I agree with this.
It’s one thing to ask for a tenner because you’ve just realised you lost your card/ phone and you need the money at that moment, but if it’s because you cannot pay a bill and afford your essential expenses, it is likely to become a regular one-sided thing.

Could be that she's worried you'll start taking advantage of her too if she lends it you but doesn't know how to say it without hurting your feelings (and to be fair there isn't) and she may also be someone who finds it hard to say no so it's just easier for her to not say anything. Remember the people who took advantage previously will have most likely been friends/family, people she trusted so not surprising she's reacted this way.

If anyone outside of my family asks me for money I ignore them too, in fact if my teenager asks me for money too frequently I ignore them too. You know she doesn't lend money out yet you still asked her putting her in an awkward position. I don't think she's rude to ignore your request id of done the same thing. She's rude for ripping into her gift from you.

I honestly think this post is so peculiar I assumed it was some kind of odd joke? Then I saw the ‘serious’ responses. So guessing it isn’t? What kind of ‘best friend’ quibbles about ‘lending’ you ten quid? For two days! Quite honestly I’d be amazed if they even wanted it back. I’m also amazed you couldn’t just explain why you needed it, to your best friend. What a miserable world we live in 🫣

I honestly think this post is so peculiar I assumed it was some kind of odd joke? Then I saw the ‘serious’ responses. So guessing it isn’t? What kind of ‘best friend’ quibbles about ‘lending’ you ten quid? For two days! Quite honestly I’d be amazed if they even wanted it back. I’m also amazed you couldn’t just explain why you needed it, to your best friend. What a miserable world we live in 🫣

Id give a friend £10 no hesitation. She is a bitch!!!!

I think its incredibly rude to ask a friend to lend money, that's what family are for !
Apologies if you are not in a position to ask a family member

Having issues with lending large amounts and letting a friend have a tenner for a couple of days are different issues. I'd give a friend, who was close enough for me to receive a birthday gift from, a tenner without hesitation.

OP I think you need to work yourself into a position where you aren’t £10 short just before pay day. Easier said than done, I know but you only need to work 1 hour to make £10 these days.