Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

[CertaintyOfTides]

Hello ,

So I'd like some outside perspective on this.
I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1.

So recently I've had a number of unforeseen issues ie . Poorly pets , deaths in the family and on my part , not being 100% thinking clearly .
I have a close friend , who we've both described as being like family . I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .
Last week I found myself about £10 away from trouble bank account wise . I didn't want to ask for money but was desperate and texted her saying I will get paid in 2 days but can you please lend me £10 . And please feel free to say no .
At the very least as I thought we were best mates, I expected a text back .
Instead, I got absolute radio silence. I then recieved a text thanking me for her birthday card but criticising the present I got her.

AIBU to think that lending a close friend £10 for two days, when you have plenty of money and they are struggling should not be a big deal and that they should at least say no. Rather than ignore you .

Thanks .

Well, if youre friends and would expect one another to be there for eachother then no, you dont really lend to one another.

For example. My best mate.
Fuck! The last bus has just left and i am not on it. Me: im in my pyjamas and im not coming out. Whats the uber gonna cost? ...sends it.
Me- im running late, can u get my ticket from the machine? Ill give you the £££- they reply: you get beers?

If my friend needed a tenner and i had it, itd be theirs withouy question and its bloody sad you didnt even get a response.

I do wonder if she thinks it was nice to suggest refunding the "scary" Lantern but I had been paid by her birthday and she knew that already .

You should have spent £15 on her birthday present, not £25, then you wouldn't have had needed to ask her for £10.

You don't need to spend more than you can afford on presents for anyone. People who genuinely care for you will be happy with a small token if they know you are struggling financially.

I would be very happy with a box of chocolates or a home made cake from someone who didn't have much money. It's the thought that counts.

I would be pissed off with someone who spent too much on my birthday present and then asked me to lend them money.

The story details keep to seem evolving a bit.. In a favour of op, of course...

This is all a bit odd. Who is the person that unbeknownst to you sent you the money? And how did they know you needed it?

Only on mumsnet could the most mundane of stories turn into troll hunting my god.

I'd be upset too OP. If a friend asked if I could lend them a tenner, I'd give it over and wouldn't expect it back. I guess I'm lucky that a tenner is just a tenner.

Yanbu.
I'd be rethinking any notion of that being a close friend.
10k yes.
But £10? Thats really sad.
Invest in other friends, she's a dud.

The answer is "No" until she says "Yes".

How many people did you ask? How often do you ask people to lend you money?

You are telling us you can't afford food and heating and yet you waste £25 on a piece of rubbish for a friends birthday and then ask the same friend to lend you money. It doesn't make sense.

You need to prioritise food and heating over birthday presents. Next year bake her a nice cake and save your money for essentials.

I do understand where you are coming from . However , I'm going through a lot and therefore am not thinking things through particularly logically . Also , I haven't got the ability to see the future !
This is a very bad patch . I genuinely sent the text off , thinking and believing it was fine to send because she'd kept saying how we are each other's safety nets and family .

I live miles away ,so couldn't have just popped round an edible item . She also barely eats ( dont ask.). So therefore you have to pay postage etc and have an even cheaper present still . Which is surprisingly hard to find .

I've 'lent' money to people and never got it back, but I don't lend and expect it back as folk rarely do the decent thing.

I don't know OP, I guess desperate to ask but she has been burned before and said she'd never do it again. I probably would've just given you a tenner if a good mate. Was there nobody you could have asked instead?

She was rude over the present though, sod that!

I've lent friends a lot more than that and I hope if any of them were struggling for want of a tenner they would come to me rather than take out a payday loan or something.

Saying that, when I was 19 I lent a feckless colleague a few hundred pounds (very stupid of me) and he didn't pay me back until my male housemates, who knew him well, got annoyed on my behalf and put pressure on him. So now, I never lend more than I wouldn't be prepared to give as a gift. And I would absolutely gift a tenner to a good friend.

You can’t afford clothes & heating but you had £100 spare when you bought her present? Nothing about your post make sense. Why did the subject of the birthday crop up? Did she randomly bring it up? Couldn’t you have tried your bank first- overdraft extension etc?

I think YABU

She has been used before in the past for money and explained she won't lend money again.

So it's understandable she is upset that you asked.

In this instance if it was a very close friend or family of mine i would have lent the cash.

But for friends I would evaluate the relationship and see if it was right for me or not.

I think you should have replied ok sorry you didn’t like it, I’ll have it back thanks if it’s that upsetting.

then do your own radio silence

She sounded very rude about the present, I don’t think she’s much of a friend?

Also, I really, really, really wouldn’t want a present from someone who doesn’t have much money.

I hope your pets are all ok now

I would think that she felt quite upset that you even asked her. Especially as she had told you she doesn’t lend money. She would’ve felt like you don’t listen to her or take her seriously and I guess she felt quite annoyed with you which she then projected onto the gift that you gave her. This isn’t about the money this is about her feeling that you haven’t taken on board what she said, and she said that because she’s been hurt before when she’s lent money.

I would give a tenner to a stranger (except a begger/ druggie type) and ask for them to repay me by being kind to someone in need in their future.
Your friend was communicating that she doesn't wish for you to buy her gifts in future and leave yourself short and that she still doesn't ever lend money. She was very rude in how she communicated that to you.

I'm a bit shocked how unpleasant some posters are being towards the OP.
She said at the beginning that she's been through a tough time.
You can disagree, put forward a different viewpoint, but still be polite and pleasant.

If a good friend asked for £10, and this was someone who’d never asked for money before, I’d give it to them. Not loan but give. If it were feasible I’d give them more just to ensure they had enough to get by.

I completely understand not lending to repeat askers or to people who are constantly getting themselves into avoidable financial problems, but for a good friend asking for the first time I’d help without question.

I doubt the friend is upset.... it was £10 not £100. For 2 days... until OP got it back. Stop following others on the thread and being so bloody extreme! All this drama for £10.... you need to end the friendship @CertaintyOfTides

So you already know she never lends money.

Despite this, you asked her to lend you money.

She didn’t lend you any money.

You’re offended.

YABVU!

I think she may have been annoyed especially as she may have thought you could get a cheaper present, but you are clearly desperate and in a tough situation and it’s tough to make decisions when we are highly stressed.

next time let the other person know the gift will be late and send a nice card or similar.

Her reaction to your present is unkind and unnecessary.

So, she has told you she doesn't lend except that she might make an exception for you, and then a short time after she told you, there you are with your hand out asking for money? For someone who has been badly burned before, I can see that would feel like quite the concidence there. It may well have really only been ten pounds for a couple of days, but doesn't every lending story start that way? No-one starts off with lend me hundreds and I won't bother paying you back. Her reaction to your present might be that she is both annoyed that you are spending money you don't have on presents, and that you are pushing her clear boundaries.

Now you are complaining about how much money she has and how it wouldn't be a problem for her to share it with you, so you do have an expectation that she should fund you. Maybe the best thing to do is to accept that this friend is not and will not be a money-bank for you in the future. If that is important for you in a friend, then leave this friendship and focus on the friend who gave you the money.

I think if you ask a friend for money, it’s crossing a new boundary and tends to redefine the relationship in a new way.

If it were me, I’d give you the tenner but I would also be worried this was the start of something. If your friend had been burned in the past, I can totally understand why she wouldn’t want to go there.

I agree with PP's who say they'd lend £10 to a friend and I would too but my close friends would no ask this. You knew she didn't want to lend money, asked her, said feel free to say no, and clearly the answer is no. It is rude to not reply but it was arguably a bit rude to ask and maybe she thinks you know her position regarding lending money.