Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

[CertaintyOfTides]

Hello ,

So I'd like some outside perspective on this.
I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1.

So recently I've had a number of unforeseen issues ie . Poorly pets , deaths in the family and on my part , not being 100% thinking clearly .
I have a close friend , who we've both described as being like family . I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .
Last week I found myself about £10 away from trouble bank account wise . I didn't want to ask for money but was desperate and texted her saying I will get paid in 2 days but can you please lend me £10 . And please feel free to say no .
At the very least as I thought we were best mates, I expected a text back .
Instead, I got absolute radio silence. I then recieved a text thanking me for her birthday card but criticising the present I got her.

AIBU to think that lending a close friend £10 for two days, when you have plenty of money and they are struggling should not be a big deal and that they should at least say no. Rather than ignore you .

Thanks .

Yeah you did right in this case. Defo taking the P!

YANBU. I can't get my head around a friend not lending a tenner to tide you over.
I know she said she didn't lend, but I'd take that more to mean large amounts. I'd probably give £10 to a stranger in need tbh, if I knew for a fact it would be put to good use.
The only exception would be if the lender was broke themselves. If you're broke £10 is a lot to lose. But, you've already explained that's not the case with her.

She sounds mean.

I'm so sorry you've been going through such a tough time OP.

I find the idea that as she didn't the OP the money, she can't be a real friend rather distasteful. Like friendship and giving money are interlinked. I also find the comments on her being well-off and not missing it rather calculating. Like she is being assessed as a money-bank. I would rather say that she can absolutely be a good friend and also choose never to give anyone any money at all, no matter what her finances are.

People are selfish!!! I have lent friends hundreds and always got it back. I have also borrowed the same. Last month i was tight and DS desperately needed new school and I needed the weekly shop. Borrowed £120 from friend, paid it back 10 days or so later

Also, a tenner when youre good mates?? Wouldnt even ask for it back

Tbh, I would never ask anyone for money unless they were my partner or immediate family (i.e. parent)

However, a tenner is less than the cost of cocktail these days. If it’s someone you would buy a drink for, why not give them a tenner if they need it?

Lend a tenner to my friend? No. I’d give it them.

If you’re someone who is constantly short of money, I guess that she could be worried that it will turn into a habit. I can imagine that this is a strategy used by some. Ask for a small amount first, pay it back, and then start asking for more…

Hardly relevant

I’d give a friend a tenner.
I sometimes lend a friend £100 to see her through to pay day. She always pays me back. She has found herself in difficult circumstances so if I can help, I always will.

If you are annoyed then take a step back from the friendship. But I don't really agree with lending or borrowing money from friends.

Agree with this. I have loaned people money in the past but now really hate when those same people ask again and again. They do pay it back but I dislike being asked. If your friend went as far as to tell you this. Honestly it's rude to have asked and I bet she didnt know what to reply.
The present rudeness on her part us a separate issue IMHO

It's not that friendship and money are interlinked. It's more that friendship and helping friends get through a difficult patch are linked.

That could look like different things; but in this instant it meant lending £10. To me, seeing a friend potentially get overdrawn and charged (I presume that was OPs circumstance) when that could be avoided by my helping out with a tenner, would be unthinkable to me.

In addition, I find tightness with money a very unpleasant trait.

Was there nowhere else you could have asked? Bank overdraft, credit card, mum, dad, grandma?

I would have asked anyone except the person who told me they never lend money.

Thank you for everyone's responses so far .
I shall try to elaborate on a few points .
We have known each other since childhood and I have never asked or needed help before. I did not create this thread to " bitch about her." As one poster has said .

I am genuinely confused as she is a kind , beautiful person .
I was feeling torn as on the one hand I thought ( and she said also ) how supportive we are to each other. At first I was fine and I do absolutely accept her boundaries and feel it is right that she has them .
But it was the lack of reply that shocked me slightly . As she always said she could be honest with me .
So actually it feels like a lack of trust towards me .

Her birthday things were ordered a few days earlier . At the time I had £100 and spent £25.
In my head , I thought , yes I am spending a quarter of my money on Lucy( made up name.) However, as I don't have any family and she is like family , I felt she was worth that to me.

So then ,when I got radio silence and then, what felt like, quite ungrateful birthday text I did feel hurt .

Good god, some people. If a friend of mine was desperate for £10 and had never asked before I’d give them £50 and not want repaid. This person is not a friend and don’t buy them a birthday present ever again.

More importantly, how much was the present? More or less than £10.

I’d give most people £10 , even those I didn’t know particularly well, but I could afford to lose it , and if you ‘ done me over ‘ and didn’t pay it back then I’ve lost a tenner ( and potentially a friend but with morals like that is it a loss ? ) . She sounds tight and I’ve zero time for anyone who’s tight .

I would. Give £10.00

Thank you . Your post captures my feelings exactly.

When a very close friend was widowed young, I made a serious offer of £10K from my savings if she needed it, before everything was sorted.

Can't imagine a friend not lending a tenner to another, unless they really didn't have it.

What did her "quite ungrateful text" actually say though

She didn't like the colours. Wouldn't use it , as it didnt go with her interior of her house and it scared her ! Which is quite a reaction to ( in my opinion) a pretty , outside lantern for the garden .

What did she say to criticise the gift? I’d probably be more annoyed about that if I were you.

If one of my closest friends came begging for a tenner, I'd give her £100, no questions asked, tell her to keep it, and ask what else I could do to help?
Poor you.
Granted, I'm not the richest kid in town, but I'd give the clothes off my back if it kept my closest friends out of trouble.

I couldn’t have a friend who is that selfish. I would have lent you the money without hesitation. YANBU.