Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

[CertaintyOfTides]

Hello ,

So I'd like some outside perspective on this.
I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1.

So recently I've had a number of unforeseen issues ie . Poorly pets , deaths in the family and on my part , not being 100% thinking clearly .
I have a close friend , who we've both described as being like family . I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .
Last week I found myself about £10 away from trouble bank account wise . I didn't want to ask for money but was desperate and texted her saying I will get paid in 2 days but can you please lend me £10 . And please feel free to say no .
At the very least as I thought we were best mates, I expected a text back .
Instead, I got absolute radio silence. I then recieved a text thanking me for her birthday card but criticising the present I got her.

AIBU to think that lending a close friend £10 for two days, when you have plenty of money and they are struggling should not be a big deal and that they should at least say no. Rather than ignore you .

Thanks .

Friends are there to help you through the bad times. It’s not about money, but you asked for £10, I’d have given you £10 and lent you more to keep you going.

to not reply is not a nice friend at all and to then criticise a lovely birthday present. Really nasty.

if I was you I would distance yourself a little from her after this as you are seeing her nastier side.

I do think that asking people for money, even if you give them an 'out' by saying you understand if they can't, puts them in a tough spot. Saying 'no' is so difficult for many of us.

On the one hand, yes, I would help out a good friend with such a small amount, but on the other hand, if you've been burned, it changes you. You knew how she felt about loaning money, and it feels like you're upset she didn't help you out, so would you honestly have been fine with it if she'd sent a reply in the negative?

All that aside, she shouldn't be criticising your gift. For that reason alone I'd probably back off from this friend.

Me too . I’ve given £10 or more to strangers many times for drinks or food or clothes from a charity shop. It’s called kindness than you pass around when you can as you never know when you may need some.

Bloody hell. That's not a friend.

She had already stated a boundary, you pushed it. She told you she doesn’t lend money, you should not have asked.

The friend seems like the type to whinge when people don’t buy them presents, so maybe OP just has one of those exhausting friends and felt a bit backed in to a corner to buy her a present.

A close friend once asked me to lend her a tenner. I did, and asked if she needed more (she didn't).

She paid it back within a few days. I only let her pay it back for HER sake - so that she didn't need to feel like a supplicant. I'd have given her more but it was simply to get her out of a tight spot.

I can't believe the people on here who wouldn't lend a friend £10 as a once-off, if they had it to spare.

You did the one thing you knew she doesn’t want people to do. You asked her for money. She was probably shocked and upset, given how close you are.

I wouldn't ever text a request like that. I definitely wouldn't ask someone if they had expressed they don't lend money to friends. I would have responded to you but she may well have felt that you had already run all over a boundary she'd made known to you.
Critising the present is rude but she really could be thrown by the request for money

It’s probably not even the amount of money that would be triggering for her, but the fact you asked in the first place. Maybe the slightly snappy response about the gift came because, from her perspective, you had clearly spent money you could not really afford.

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable if one of my friends felt they needed to buy me a gift they couldn’t afford just to acknowledge our friendship.

I think once she criticised the gift I’d have asked for it back so I could return it!

There is no way I would’ve not leant a friend a tenner .. I have given more to a street beggar..

criticising the present I got her.

She is NOT your friend.

In fact, she's a bitch. Ungrateful too.

I would say take the ten and keep it but dont ever ask me again. That’s the price.

I actually am on your friends side here. She already told you her boundaries, she’s been burned in the past and won’t lend money anymore. You ignored that boundary and asked her for money.

You spent £25 on her present then asked her for £10 back to be lent to you . I know how things change quick and I know these things happen out of the blue but I would wonder how a friend could buy me a gift then say they need money.

I have been the person to lend £5, £10 or £20’s here and there and been burned so now I just don’t. I don’t mind buying people coffees or lunch out as me and friends might take it in turns but I would feel awkward if someone asked me for money as I’ve been a mug too many times before x

But she is massively unreasonable to criticise the present

If any one of my friends ever needed £10, especially one who had never asked/borrowed money from me before, I wouldn’t hesitate to give (not lend) them the money.

She’s not a friend and the lack of grace over her birthday gift just underscores that.

I'd give you the money, wouldn't ask for it back.

I would sympathise with you, except for that she's told you she never lends money. She's been hurt that way before.
So you overstepped a known, previously explained, boundary.

Guilt tripping about the birthday present (yes, she was rude) won't work. Don't give people presents you can't afford. Just don't. It's not a present, it's a burden. Someone used to do it to me, and I dreaded and I had to be very plain and blunt to make it stop.

I get she's been burnt, I've actually had an awkward time getting money back too, and because of it my general philosophy is same as your friend's. BUT as I say it's general It would extend to acquaintances and loose friends, or people who've burnt me already. Never a close friend or family. You have never asked and now all you needed was a tenner, I think it's pretty poor and mean of your friend not to help out.

I would just give my friend £10, as i dont lend money either! Leads to nothing but trouble trying to get it back. However, if you were in genuine need you could just have it!

No she wouldn't because she was going to pay her back.

Obviously everyone who asks to borrow money says they'll pay you back.
She'll have heard that before.
I expect she was a shocked and hurt to be asked as OP was to be blanked.

I think it’s a tricky situation.

On the face of it, it’s £10, and I would give that to any friend who needed it.

BUT she has been taken advantage of in the past and she has already explicitly said that as a way to avoid that in future she will not lend money, so you knew her stance and I think that’s fair enough. I suppose the other worry, and it has happened to my husband before, is that once you give £10 the person then wants £20, or £30, next time it’s £100. Saying no from the start prevents that from happening and “no” is a much more clear and easy boundary then getting into the murky waters of when to start saying no as the amounts inevitably start creeping up once you’re seen as an option to lend from.

I’ve never been asked for money from a friend and never asked friends for money either. That’s what family is for.