Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

[CertaintyOfTides]

Hello ,

So I'd like some outside perspective on this.
I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1.

So recently I've had a number of unforeseen issues ie . Poorly pets , deaths in the family and on my part , not being 100% thinking clearly .
I have a close friend , who we've both described as being like family . I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .
Last week I found myself about £10 away from trouble bank account wise . I didn't want to ask for money but was desperate and texted her saying I will get paid in 2 days but can you please lend me £10 . And please feel free to say no .
At the very least as I thought we were best mates, I expected a text back .
Instead, I got absolute radio silence. I then recieved a text thanking me for her birthday card but criticising the present I got her.

AIBU to think that lending a close friend £10 for two days, when you have plenty of money and they are struggling should not be a big deal and that they should at least say no. Rather than ignore you .

Thanks .

I agree with you but people are very selfish unfortunately. Did someone else help you?

Not texting you back was very rude. She’s not a friend. And criticising your gift? Sounds like a right peach. LTB.

"She's since told me she never lends money."

So probably her reaction (or lack of it) is not completely surprising.

She made it clear to you that she never lends money.

However for £10 if someone really was that good a friend I would probably give it to them rather than lend it.

But I suspect from her past experiences she has issues and has learnt that mixing friends and money lending is not a good idea.

No one should lend if they’re not comfortable with it

however if you are good enough friends that you bought her a birthday present I would expect her to know this is highly unusual for you. I wouldn’t buy another present for her after she criticised it either - rude!

She’s been burned in the past and you knew that she no longer lends money. Period. But yet you asked. The no reply was because she probably felt embarrassed by saying no to such a small amount but equally because of what’s happened in the past she’s firm in her stance that she no longer wants to lend money to anyone.

YANBU! I'd lend a neighbour, never mind a friend.

We had a friend. Always asked for “just” and p quid here and there. Paid it back. Then asked for £20. Would pay back the ten and then ask for more at the same time. He’ll pay it back, right? Except eventually he wouldn’t. He owes us hundreds. And in the meantime we found out he asked others including my father in law for money to pay other people’s debt. When people say they don’t lend, respect it. It’s not rude not to.

I'd give a close friend a tenner.

Sorry but I’ve had a friend where a tenner turned in to a tenner every other week, then fifty, then 150 and so on. We don’t speak anymore.

She was really rude to criticize your present to her. What did she say about it?

Jeez I’d give £10 to someone caught short at the til who I’d never met before! But I can afford that (and all I’ve ever had to do in the past is pay someone’s bus fare). Not much of a friend though criticising your gift.

So you knew she had had issues with this before and didn't want to lend anyone money, and yet you thought she was the person to go ask? Why didn't you ask someone else? From her perspective, it probably looked like yet another person trying to take her money.

What was the present? What was her criticism?

She feels you don't respect her.

Not long ago I lost my bank card and had to wait weeks for my new one. Luckily It had some cash to keep me going. But when that ran out multiple people offered to lend me cash. This includes a business owner who services I use a lot. Several colleagues I don't know well plus family and friends.

This person is not your friend. I would distance myself from her in future.

Was she giving out about the present in the fact you buy one but are having money problems and looking to borrow?

I must confess I do not lend money but in the case of a tenner I would give it. To me it would be similar to a colleague forgetting their wallet at home on a Friday so you lend them a tenner until you see them again on Monday.

My dad used to tell me "never lend money you aren't prepared to lose". It's very easy for someone to say "I'll pay you right back" and then think 'well they've got plenty of money it's not a big deal and after all it's only 10 quid'. I mean you aren't a bank, there's no contract obligating a repayment and if you do want to enforce it you need to pay for that privilege.

You'd be amazed how many people say 'feel free to say no' then turn on you when you do say no. She's been burned before and learned her lesson. I'm also pretty sure that whoever did burn her has probably turned her into the villain by minimising. Most of the time it's not even about the money it's about the fact that someone broke the trust.

I'd understand someone never lending money, as they may have had instances where it was never repaid.

A request should be met with a response though.

You at very least deserved a reply even if the reply was “no”. Though for a close friend I’d give them £10 with no expectations of return.

She was rude to criticise the birthday present but why are you buying presents if you are short of money?
I don’t lend any amount of money that I am not prepared to give but I would give a friend £10.

I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money

So, you know she's been screwed out of money before by other friends, and she has told you she'll never lend money again as a result. Then you ask her to lend you money and wonder why she isnt jumping at the opportunity?

🙄

@CertaintyOfTides she already told you she doesnt lend money so why would she reply to something you already know the answer to.

YABVU to ask for money from someone who is uncomfortable about lending. You put her in an uncomfortable position.

Why did you buy her a present if you didn't have enough money to last you until payday??

This. How much did you spend on her present?

OP, if money is so tight for you that you’re getting down to your last tenner then you cannot go round buying even the nicest closest dearest friends birthday presents. You have to prioritise your own financial health over gifts to others. Good friends will understand.

Ask her for the present back if she doesn't like it. Get your money back. Problem sorted.