AIBU to keep my Monday off rather than swap for a new parent?

[Orangeducks]

I have 3 children 10, 8 and 4. When my eldest was born, I reduced my hours at work to 4 days which worked well. Several other parents have done the same. My colleague is returning to work from mat leave and has been offered a day off but its a Wednesday as they can't cover any other day (customer facing) and she was complaining how other members of staff have had the more desirable Mon/Fri off for many years and they should give that up for new parents. She wasn't talking directly to me but I felt she was annoyed I wouldn't give up my Monday off because my children are 'grown up'. I feel that I have built my life around a Monday off and have so much going on in the week running around after my kids that I still need it. Moreover I have no plans to return to full time as I enjoy the work/life balance and we make financial sacrifices to allow this and I am on a permanent 4 day contract.
Am I being unreasonable to not give up my day for her?

Don't change anything op.

She sounds really entitled. She has no right to demand other people reorganise their lives for her. If she wants to work Tues to fri she can look for another job.

"She should have had children years ago if she wanted different non-working days!"

PLEASE don't make hurtful blanket statements like this. You have no knowledge of why the colleague had children now. (I removed the rest of my comment about triple heartbreak pregnancy stories because I doubt you meant to be so unthinking.)

FWIW I don't think the OP is being unreasonable, either.

She can take her passive aggressive comments comments and fuck all the way off!

She’s BVU. Everyone else’s working hours are none of her concern. If you choose to work every other Tuesday for half an hour, it’s got fuck all
to do with her. Ignore.

She will get used to it, I used to do three days and have Friday and Monday off which everyone was envious of, but I found everyone they were absolutely full on squashing everything into those days, calls, meetings, catch up etc.

DD does compressed hours, she has Thursday off which is the least popular day off, as she was last one in. She has grown to love it, she does three long days then has a day off, then does a Friday which is generally steady, then off for two.

I definitely would have wanted the Wednesday!

Its hard though when someone has an established pattern that you'd love but will never be given because they have it. I gave up my friday off recently for a colleague with a baby as I feel I've "had my turn" & mind are both at school anyway.

I worked in a team once where an older colleague with teenagers had apparently "baggsied" certain school holiday weeks forever. We weren't all allowed off at the same time. It took someone going to HR to overturn (HR were horrified).

I'm 0.8 but I don't get to choose my day off, I think this is up to you manager rather than you.

I have bloody Tuesday off op! It was the only viable option.

weird day but I now got used to it and enjoy it

I only work one day then a break haha

and bank holidays I get a 4 day weekend

Actually think Monday is the shittest deal of the bunch thanks to bank holidays… Wouldn’t mind a Wednesday.

Absolutely not unreasonable in either respect as it’s your life and choice. I had Wednesdays off when daughter was little which I I loved but when she was at secondary school was asked to switch to Friday off as work
preferred me to have 4 consecutive days and I waa okwith doing so. I continued to work 4 days until daughter was 18 as was now some time for me - I then dropped to 3 days as a wind down to retirement!

Ignore her. I was pt as a teacher for years and my day off changed every year depending on what produced the least split classes on my timetable. I was just just grateful they let me have whole days off because it teaching part time can mean 4 days but spread over 5 in the most inconvenient way possible.

Surely with a young child it doesn’t really make much difference and Wednesday is probably a better day to break up the week (unless you typically have lots of meeting on Wednesdays/ works busy and she probably can’t actually have the full day off)

Is she just letting off steam because she's disappointed or is she being actively unkind?

I think it's unprofessional to moan a lot anyway but people (including me) do sometimes let our internal thoughts out into the world.

I agree with people saying Wednesday is the better day.
Easier week mentally. Fridays and Mondays are most expensive travel days. Fridays are too busy, Monday lots of places don't open.

You get it given back to you pro rata.

I’m with everyone saying Wednesday is the better day off anyway - regular breaks from work and parenting.

But no, of course you shouldn’t change your day off if you don’t want to. If she’s not happy it’s between her and her management to solve.

Wednesday is the best day!!

She’s just jealous you won’t get the long weekend. Her problem not yours. Stand your ground.

To be honest, with small children I’d rather have the Wednesday off, if no one is sleeping you only ever have two days of work to manage before a day off. I definitely found it better to have the week broken up at that stage.

Your colleage is being manipulative. No need to explain - she is the newcomer to the four day week arrangement and your work life balance/age of your kids or any other decision is none of her business. Personally, I would prefer having a Wednesday off.

Also, it’s not like your children are even that old! She’s doing the classic thing that new parents do of assuming EVERYTHING gets easier and falls in to place as they get older (I did this too). Lots of things get easier, they sleep and put their own shoes on and use the toilet. But childcare options change (can’t just drop them at nursery for your whole working day), they join clubs and teams, they need ferrying around, they need help with different things. The childcare pressures actually get harder on the parents when kids start school. She just sees her tiny baby versus the walking talking ones you have and assumes they need you less- they don’t, they just need different things.

Yes she does, she’ll get extra annual leave to compensate like I do.

the new mum will pay about £500 a year for nursery days on Monday back holidays that she doesn’t use so I can understand the upset. She can also not go on long weekends away. But it’s nicer for baby to have a mummy day mid week. Not op problem though. You could do her a kindness and occasionally swap with her if she wants a weekend away with baby?

It’s more helpful as a parent with school age children to have a Monday off.
setimes during the school year there are Mondays off ( bank holidays etc) that don’t align with work holidays. Some organisations take different days off.
So we ended up having to take annual leave anyway to cover this.
when they are very young at nursery, the nursery had greater flexibility. Yanbu

Ten years time she’ll be wondering at people with newborns wanting same! If Monday suits you don’t feel guilty but have a think about Wednesday, it’s lovely doing the school run midweek when you’ve been in work the days before!

There is literally nothing on this earth could get me to give up Mondays off if I had that working pattern.
Wedois a good day to have off though so don't know what she's complaining about.