Catholic guilt?

[Felixfox]

I only went to catholic school for 3 years (first 3 years of school) and I am CONSTANTLY feelingly guilty . Is it the school or just me? It was a terrible place. I remember one of the fathers coming into our classroom just as a pupil was leaving as he was feeling sick. Father promptly sent him back to his desk for us all to pray, this boy was physically sick but we had to carry on with the prayer. His parting shot was a question. To a bunch of 6 year olds. Do you all pray before bed at night? We all mumbled yes. To which he replied,’Good, because otherwise you will go to hell.’ It scared the crap out of me. V complicated story with parents and my brother and I going there. My mother was a nun and left
’God will never forgive you’ and so maybe to usage some hideous and unfair guilt from that was to send us to a catholic school. The point is, I am nearly 50 and I still feel guilty all the time about pretty much anything. Will it go? I’ve tried counseling. What do I do? How do you leave a part of yourself behind?

Is that different to guilt?

It is. It is not under the duress of hell and damnation; and it is not about things that do not require guilt, unless you have been instructed that it does by a religion.

Well I'm Catholic, I feel guilty if I've done something wrong. Nothing to do with hell and damnation just me accepting I was in the wrong.

There's also the guilt about sinning against poor dying Jesus on the cross. He is crucified for our sins and every sin you do increases his suffering.

And of course God can see every sin you do because God is watching everything. Even if you think you're being sneaky eating an extra sweetie when your mum can't see, God knows about it and poor suffering Jesus gets extra thorns on his crown. Bet that sweetie doesn't taste so good now.

Oh and all your dead relatives are watching over you too.

It's not just hell either. You can avoid hell as long as you don't die with a mortal sin on your soul. And you can get rid of them in confession. You have to watch it though because if you take communion with a mortal sin on you that's it, game over, you're off to hell. But as long as you're canny with confession you can avoid hell.

Purgatory though, that's a different matter. You can't avoid purgatory even with confession. Everyone goes to purgatory. How long depends on how many sins of each type - you get longer for a mortal sin and less time for a venial sin. When you die they're all totted up and that's how long you spend in purgatory, according to the formula.

Purgatory doesn't invoke guilt but it surely makes you fearful.

CBA to read all the responses undoubtedly trashing a beautiful religion.

@Felixfox I'm sorry you had an awful experience at school. I don't think this is typical certainly not of Catholic schools now. My dad's era yes but he's 80.

I don't think Catholic guilt is really a thing. It doesn't sound like you have religious guilt so much as general guilt. Judging by the posts on here of people feeling bad about stuff you are not alone! Some therapy might help you.

Ironically Catholic mass might help you deal with your feelings of guilt and help you to see what is really important. Our religion isn't about what you are doing wrong. I hope you find peace and calmness in a healthy and happy way.

Wow, thank you to everyone who has replied and tried to help. It has given me an awful lot to think and re-think about.

Have you actually looked at how much of the mass liturgy focuses on sin, confession of sin, and begging for mercy from God?

a beautiful religion.

A beautiful religion! Really!?

Tell that to the downtrodden poverty stricken huge families in catholic countries, to the girls whose babies were snatched away, to the young men who feel guilty about their normal bodily functions, indeed to my grandfather who was brought up in a catholic boys home where he suffered dreadfully.

Clearly you have a very different idea of beauty.

Worship your deity in your own way ... that is your right ... but do not bury your head in the sand over the misery this religion has caused and still causes.

I hope you find your way past your feelings of guilt, whether that’s by stepping off a faith path or finding modern, mainstream Christianity has developed over the last 50 years.

Oh enough of this drivel.

"downtrodden poverty stricken huge families in catholic countries"

What, like in Italy, with one of europes lowest birth rates?

Of course, Catholic women have no agency at all, do they? They can do nothing except churn out baby after baby, even if they cant afford it.

Do you really believe any of this tripe?

Are you unaware a woman can regulate her fertility completely naturally, with the same effectiveness as artifical contraception?

Are you unaware Catholics have a superpower called 'restraint' where they are in command of their passions, instead of vice versa?

While some in secular society conduct their sex life like dogs in the street, sincere Catholics tend to exercise a bit of thought and responsibility regarding their actions, especially when there are serious consequences such as new life.

So I am afraid your portrayal of them as helpless baby making drones is simply not accurate.

Could you name these "many countries?"

Scientific progress, are you sure?

A lot of folk in the progressive lgbt community dont care for science, especially those who claim that cutting the breasts off a young girl means that she has now turned into a young man.

Catholics not interested in the bible?

It was the Catholic Church which created the Bible and one of the reasons for its existence is to safeguard interpretation of the bible.

South America ... catholic African nations .... all the millions who have already suffered. Or should we just forget them now? Write them off as collateral damage?

Catholic women do have agency and choices, but only after an unnecessary battle with their conscience.

Natural methods of contraception do not have the same efficacy and never have. Catholic women are required to run tgst risk.

Non catholics also have restraint ... not being Catholic does not mean that they are like dogs in the street and have no sense of responsibility. Their reasons for exercising that restraint are simply different. It is because they are decent people.

Catholic women might no longer be baby making drones in the rich world we inhabit, but even they have to make their choices based on a male dominated religion with random rules.

There are flaws in all ways of life. It is important to acknowledge the serious flaws in catholicism ... they have blighted lives and still do.

You're really not doing Catholicism any favours here.

I am the eldest of nine children. My parents couldn't afford anywhere near that number, but contraception was difficult to access, natural family planning is difficult if you're only semi-literate, and they were and are devout and believed what they were told by a celibate priesthood, that every sexual act should be open to conception. DH is the youngest of seven, and only the youngest because his mother had a catastrophic birth injury and was given a hysterectomy after his birth. His mother is the eldest of thirteen.

Meanwhile, a supposedly celibate clergy was engaging in systematic cover-ups of child sexual abuse among their own numbers. Pope Francis apologised for the 'crimes of the Catholic church' in Ireland in 2018. .

And leaving aside entirely my own country, the church's refusal to countenance the use of condoms has led to untold suffering in African countries because of the spread of AIDS.

I have Catholic friends who are well aware of these issues but prefer to remain within the church and agitate for reform. I have lesbian Catholic friends who met through church and manage to reconcile their marriage, which the church doesn't recognise, and bringing up their daughter as a Catholic, with the official Catholic position that while same-sex attraction is not in itself sinful, acting on it is a 'grave sin'. I don't pretend to understand their logic, but they have considered these things seriously and decided to stay.

But to pretend that Catholicism is unproblematic and not freighted with historical and actual horrors, is ridiculous.

Now, I'm sure you're able to google countries with virtually no Christians, or without much or any historical exposure to Christianity.

As Desmond TuTu said:

"When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land"

@BlueSherbet a friend of mine did a 3 month GP stint in a clinic in Ethopia which was run by an Indian order of Catholic nuns. Amazing place offering basic healthcare to a rural community. However, they would not permit the issue of contraceptives of any description within their clinic, regardless of the faith of either the prescribing doctor or the local woman. This was only a decade ago.

I still maintain that so many posters on here are misunderstanding or choosing to side step many of the beliefs of the Catholic Church. So many posters make references to broadly Christian beliefs and have a cherry picking approach to work around the bits of Catholicism that they don't want to abide by or agree with etc. I can't help but wonder how much you can overlook, not agree to, dismiss before you are no longer really a Catholic at all.

I agree wholeheartedly with this.

Everyone has a right to their own beliefs, but to deny that the catholic church has not caused misery and continues to do so is completely crazy. Sitting in the relatively safe bubble of the catholic church in an affluent country is fine - but failing to acknowledge the realities is unacceptable.

The burden of guilt carried by so many catholics is unnecessary and cruel, and emanates from the power hungry maloes who set this whole system up.

I do understand how hard it must be for people brought up in this faith, and frankly indoctrinated, to let go of any element of it - it is written through them like the town in a stick of Blackpool rock. But the claim that christianity is about kindness and compassion whilst also denying the appalling actions wrought in the name of the church is a huge disconnect.

If I were a catholic and desirous of remaining so I would feel it my duty to acknowledge these things and seek to make redress.

Do you think mother and baby homes were only run by the Catholic church? You'd be wrong, the one local to me in the 60/70s was Salvation Army. I always think the girls parents were mainly to blame. My great aunt was pregnant 100 years ago. Her parents gave her and the baby a home and support. Plenty of others could have done the same.

Gosh you seem to know it so well. Have you been to purgatory?

My ex-husband was one of 12. When the doctor told his mother 12 in 12 years was enough and number13 was likely to kill he she was sterilised and her children went into care while she was in hospital, longer procedure in the 60s. Her husband left her and the children. He wasn't a Catholic, in fact he couldn't say anything bad enough about Catholics, he certainly disapproved of his son marrying me.

Completely detatched from reality.

Natural family planning (billings) is 99% effective when used properly, matching hormonal pill methods.

No form of contraception is fool proof, of course, because creating babies is what sex does.

When you think about it, its a strange thing to attempt, to interdict your bodies natural processes.

I appreciate the obvious convenience of the pill for women, but billings is useful not only in avoiding pregnancy but in getting pregnant when desired too.

One of the most highly researched methods of family planning that exists today. The method consistently shows success of over 99% in avoiding pregnancy and 65-78% in achieving pregnancy in sub fertile couples. In trials the WHO states it is a very, very effective method of family planning. But it is so much more than this, it is also an excellent tool for monitoring her reproductive health and most definitely “…knowledge of her body that every woman ought to have.” Dr. Evelyn Billings.

https://www.billingsmethodengland.org.uk/

Billings isnt unpopular because its ineffective, but for cultural reasons where a drunk woman might choose to shag some random in an alley outside a nightclub, in between mouthfuls of a bag of chips.

This kind of behaviour is why our society puts so much stock in artificial methods, its not due to necessity.

But, for women who conduct their sex life responsibly, Billings is a perfectly reasonable and effective choice.

People who use contraception are also conducting the sex lives responsibly.