Catholic guilt?

[Felixfox]

I only went to catholic school for 3 years (first 3 years of school) and I am CONSTANTLY feelingly guilty . Is it the school or just me? It was a terrible place. I remember one of the fathers coming into our classroom just as a pupil was leaving as he was feeling sick. Father promptly sent him back to his desk for us all to pray, this boy was physically sick but we had to carry on with the prayer. His parting shot was a question. To a bunch of 6 year olds. Do you all pray before bed at night? We all mumbled yes. To which he replied,’Good, because otherwise you will go to hell.’ It scared the crap out of me. V complicated story with parents and my brother and I going there. My mother was a nun and left
’God will never forgive you’ and so maybe to usage some hideous and unfair guilt from that was to send us to a catholic school. The point is, I am nearly 50 and I still feel guilty all the time about pretty much anything. Will it go? I’ve tried counseling. What do I do? How do you leave a part of yourself behind?

I was raised catholic and went to church every Sunday, all the holy days, stopped going when I left home
We got married abroad, not in a church, local mayors office, on the quiet-I hate a big fuss, being the centre of attention.
We had children and I took them to church, they are baptised catholic, only one was confirmed.
I have left the church, our 2nd DS came out at 14, I love him and I wont be dictated to by any religion about it.
I felt guilty about most things in my life, I assume because of the catholic church but just these last few years I have decided that I don't actually care anymore.
As long as my children are “ok” then nothing else matters to me, I try my best to be a good person, I think about how lovely my parents were
I haven't studied any other religions much but my overall impression is that all of them are fundamentally misogynistic and I cant bear that.

@RedTagAlan the OP isn’t a child, and I’m only pointing out should she wish there are some progressive catholic (sisters in this case) and priests who might help her reconcile her past to the present.

Atheism might work for the OP too.

It works for me.

Suffering in religious guilt as a result of indoctrination as a child. Dump religion. It's the best solution really.

dumping or ignoring won’t help her process it and move forward even if moving forward is to athiesm.

Why not ?

If someone has religious hangups of any sort, then dump the religion.

I will say though, for many it has to be done carefully. Because one usually does go through the 5 stages of change when de-converting.

And of course "moral guilt" is a real thing. Because morals and ethics are not actually tied to any religion. So if someone religious is seeking freedom from guilt for doing things that are illegal in a secular society, then that is a different thing.

But for run of the mill religious hangups, breaking the shackles of religion that bind one is a fantastic thing to do.

You say you went to Catholic school for the first 3 years … so why were you doing your first confession (reconciliation)?
Also, can I ask when this was ? I’m in my 50s now and went to Catholic school, and it was nothing like this.
I’ve been a Governor at a Catholic High School for the best part of 10 years, and again, nothing like you describe .. in fact under Catholic School Guidelines (and DFE guidance) this behaviour would not be allowed. We have Pride Week, we teach about other religions, and it’s all about forgiveness and acceptance rather than guilt.

It would be good to have a bit more context around your timescale, and your relationship with religion now.

My dc goes to a catholic primary school and I wish I didn’t send her there. Even though it isn’t the same as years ago most teachers/staff have a real nasty streak and a lot of the learning is based around religion. If she didn’t have such an amazing group of friends I’d move her to another school.

As your school has left such a deep impression of guilt I’d probably look at trying to move towards a more modern, progressive Catholicism. Maybe look at the book used in many RCIA courses these days (Sycamore), by Father Stephen Wang. If you wanted to keep your faith it might be helpful, if you didn’t then it will help with a perspective on the core values of Catholicism without the punitive spin on it from the past.

I too went to catholic school and have guilt and feel bad about everything. Or rather ‘had’. I went to a therapist who explained I’m actually a people pleaser due to the upbringing I had which was valued in certain achievements, including the way I look, fitting in with my parents expectations, etc. I would still never get a tattoo to this day because of what my mum would say…I’m mid 40’s.
So the work I’ve done at therapy was rather a focus on the parenting I had, which in your case will be far more influential than impactful than 3 years at school. Could that be the case for you?
Now I am still Catholic but in my own way and on my own terms. For example I pray and say thanks to God, but have very little respect for priests.
Hope this helps somewhat x

@Felixfox I'm so sorry to hear about the damaging experiences you had at school.
Please know that God so loves the world that he sent his one and only son to die for our sins! (John 3:16)
The wonderful truth is that everyone who believes that Jesus is the son of God and was raised from the dead on the third day: shall not perish but shall have eternal life in heaven!
God did not send his son into the world to condemn us, but to save us! (John 3:17)
God doesn't want any humans to go to hell.

You describe feeling guilty for no reason: you can surrender those feelings to God and he will take them away! He doesn't want you to feel guilty, He wants to have a loving relationship with all his children! Jesus already died for our sins - the ransom has been paid!

God loves you, and he doesn't want you to carry these negative feelings. Jesus said "come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will bring you peace".

I'd suggest re-posting this in the mumsnet Christian chat as you may get more supportive responses.
Also, a Christian counselling service may be helpful to work through the misplaced feelings of guilt.

Sending love and blessings

I feel the same @custardlover I went to Catholic schools from nursery through to 16 and am still Catholic/am bringing the DC up Catholic.

I think it will depend a lot on how old you are, and where you are from how the religion was practised/how strict it was...as a silly example, my childhood experience of a lot of religious festivals in Italy is first there is a procession/mass but then there is always a giant shared meal/party (and often randomly
a tombola). So over time the thing I remember most is the sense of community.

This. Plus I also essentially lived in a theocracy, as well as an extremely devout family and a convent school. I grew out of it in my teens, like most people.

I’m in my fifties and my cradle Catholicism is primarily significant in understanding religious imagery in poems and recognising saints in paintings because of their attributes. I’m certainly not weighed down by guilt or the idea that I’m being judged by some invisible deity.

God is love! (1 John 4:8, 1 John 4:16)
He is certainly not in the business of sending 6 years olds to hell for not saying their prayers - those misguided messages you heard at school, OP, were not Biblical!

As a Catholic I don’t have any guilt. For one God forgives & secondly if he is judging there are far more in the queue before me!

Not Biblical ?

So original sin is not a Biblical concept ? That all are born from sin.

As for kids. 2Kings 2:23-24 has the prophet Elisha being mocked for being bald by youths. The youths are then eaten by bears.

Loads in the Bible like that.

Psalm 137:9. Blessed will be one who seizes and dashes your children Against the rock. (NAV)

That's a Psalm about genocide.

On the website of my local church it says

Confessions are heard on Saturdays (10:30-11:30 & 17:15-17:50), on Sundays (during the 10:00 Mass), and by appointment/on request. An examination of conscience which can be used to prepare is available here.

https://www.johnthebaptistpurley.org.uk/

I would be feeling permanently guilty if I had to worry about everything on that examination of conscience page! 😮

Most primary schools in Ireland are Catholic, so the parish priest is the patron of the school and is involved with the interview process of teachers, I grew up in the west of Ireland so went to my local one can't say I feel guilty and consider myself ex Catholic now . Don't really give it a thought like yourself, I don't think most people raised the same as myself do either

I even have (and had) nuns and priests in my extended family - so they take it seriously, obviously, but they all know I think it's ridiculous, and are quite cool with that. My own kids have never been near a church except to visit nice ones, and I (we) never dreamed of having them christened. I'm not anti-religion, and I know it's fundamental (pardon the pun) to many people's lives. And I support anyone's right to follow whatever religion they choose. But as far as possible, I try not to let it impinge on my own life.
However, I actively campaign to get/keep all religion out of education and politics. It has no reason to be a part of either.

I’m Catholic and the guilt is crushing.

Difficult to describe unless you’ve been there. It’s not guilt over a specific thing, more an existential kind of guilt - why am I here when other people aren’t? Am I good enough to deserve the things I have? If I spend money/enjoy myself too much/get complacent, no doubt something will happen to punish my folly.

Wow. 2 pages with dense text. This for kids :

"For Children Was I disobedient to my parents? Did I neglect to help my parents when my help was needed? Did I treat my parents with little affection or respect? Did I react proudly when I was corrected by my parents? Did I have a disordered desire for independence? Did I do my chores? "

That boded line especially.

It does tie in with the Bible though. Here is a Mosaic law on the subject of a rebellious son. Daughters don't matter really it seems. They were possessions.

Deu 21:18-21:" When a man has a son apostatizing and being rebellioushe is not listening to the voice of his father and to the voice of his mother, and they have disciplined him, and he does not listen to themthen his father and his mother have laid hold on him, and they have brought him out to [the] elderly of his city, and to the gate of his place, and have said to [the] elderly of his city, Our sonthis oneis apostatizing and being rebellious; he is not listening to our voice--a glutton and drunkard.

Then all the men of his city have stoned him with stones and he has died, and you have put away the evil out of your midst, and all Israel hears and fears."

Although that one is not children specific. There is no age condition. But yeah. Wayward son ? Get the stones out and stone him to death.

3 years at school doesn't make you Catholic.

You are remembering bad incidents/people in and blaming them for how you process things now. This isn't because he was a Priest or your being Catholic.

Kindly, you need to get some help.

I don't feel guilty in the same way as a lot of you, but I still, aged 48 worry about going to hell and being in a burning environment for all eternity.

Weirdly I don't believe in God or heaven! But the devil and hell? Yep!

I was catholic educated from 4-18.

I was Catholic schooled from 3 to 16, and I have no lingering guilt.

@Felixfox having been raised in a Catholic household and endured Catholic primary & secondary school, I can sympathise. Of course not everyone will have had horrible childhood religious experiences, but some do and it sounds like your experience was not a happy one - mine neither.

I've had lots of therapy, as my childhood was not just Catholic but also very abusive and it really does help. It allowed me to see that I am safe now and that as an adult I have a choice about what I believe and don't believe. I have been able to let go of the fear based religious conditioning (including the crushing guilt) that was such a huge part of my childhood & belief system. If you have the chance and the funds, I would recommend it.

I attended Catholic school during infants and went regularly to church and confessions, no guilt from then. I pulled away as a teen and in my 20s started an interest in the Jehovahs witnesses, now that was really hard to walk away from, the fear if you did, then your babies blood would be on your hands, was the worst. Although, the congregation were genuinely lovely people. I came away after a couple of years, but it took me years to not be frightened of armageddon and all my family members who would not see paradise. I am in my 60s now and will still get a twang of fear now and then. I've been going to Catholic Church for a while and it really comforts me.