To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

It's got nothing to do with somebody finding a child sexy; it's just giving them a basic overall grounding in what is considered appropriate in the society in which they're growing up - especially within an environment where there are clear rules which cannot be broken simply because you don't fancy obeying them.

Just like if they always turned up late for school, or were sassy to the teacher, or talked incessantly whilst the teacher is talking, or lots of other things that they do need to learn are not acceptable or appropriate.

Agree a vest top is inappropriate for school. Clue is in the name - it was originally underwear! School and work (most places) are formal dress codes. This means covering flesh and wearing clothes with particular fits. Vest tops are an incredibly casual itsem of clothing and aren’t in this category; they would be ok on holiday or weekends but not in formal settings. I honestly think most people now don’t understand the connotations of clothing. Jeans are also considered not smart traditionally. I know things have changed and everyone lives in cheap stretch clothing but school isn’t one of these places…

My sister is a teacher at a primary school and has confided that the girls wear micro skirts or shorts, usually not the reguation school ones either. These are young kids (eg 9 and 10). She’s worried about them and cannot understand what the parents are thinking of dressing them in that manner for school. Parents have been asked repeatedly to stick to the correct uniform. It’s obviously not the girls’ fault but it has absolutely nothing to do with the teachers being pervs or at fault either. The fault lies with the parents very clearly.

It’s nothing to do with that really, surely common sense here.

Clothing attire should be suitable for school, not flimsy crop tops. Also in this world of equal opportunities both females and male students sometimes need to be protected, possibly from each other (yes girls too), and also schools have a safeguarding element for those outside, those travelling in vans on the look out etc. should something happen the first portion of blame is generally to a school / why didn’t they stop it etc. The general rule of thumb in schools is the more slack the clothing the more worse the behaviour. This is also a key reason.

Several years ago, I was working in a primary school that had a non-uniform day. One of the girls in year 2 (so 6 or 7 year old) turned up in a mini skirt, cropped top, fishnet tights and high heeled shoes. Her genitals were covered, I can promise you none of the staff were sexualising her, but I feel very strongly that it was not an appropriate outfit to wear to school. It wouldn't be appropriate at any age, nor for the staff either.

I think a vest top is a grey area but ultimately it is up to the school what they allow or do not. But to suggest there is no such thing as inappropriate clothing for school is disingenuous.

No, it’s not! It’s appropriate for the beach. There’s a reason why people who live in hot countries traditionally wear long loose clothing.

Not crop tops or very short shorts. Common sense really.

Sounds like you came on MN to get approval, and you won't hear a word against what YOU think is right.

There are people on here who totally disagree with what you DD wore for school because it sounds totally inappropriate for a school setting.

On the flip side, I think everyone / most ppl agree that the reason she was asked to cover up belongs in the 1950s and that should be followed up because it is unacceptable, I hope you do follow this up.

It’s hard to comment without seeing the item, however clearly there are outfits that are inappropriate for sixteen year old children to wear to school.

In really hot countries that's not the way they go - they choose long, loose, white garments. I certainly find a loose cotton dress much cooler on 30+degree days than anything clingy or tight.

But I know a long very voluminous dress wouldn't necessarily work for school or the office either. But there's a happy medium!

Other countries is the key here. The UK does not need to follow puritanical BS of being made to feel ashamed of exposing ones ankles.

Were they really suggesting that? I mean - did they actually say that their male teachers found your daughter's skirt arousing?

Or did they simply say it was inappropriate? If the first, then I agree it was a stupid remark and very unfair to male teachers. If the second, then I agree with them.

Schools have to enforce rules, standards and boundaries. Your daughter may have been very young but she still needs to understand that school is school and it's not a playground, your home or a friend's party.

Your comment is wildly, wildly hyperbolic!

No-one is suggesting people shouldn't show their ankles.

There's a vast spectrum between Taliban-level rules and simply saying 'wear appropriate, decorous clothing for school and work'.

Wear what the hell you like at the beach, the club, parties or in your home or friends' homes. But consider other people in contexts where everyone is obliged to be there: school and work, for eg.

And I don't mean 'ooh, don't give the men an erection!' I mean - consider whether everyone wants to see your arse cheeks and cleavage. If you honestly think they do, then you might be the problem!!

I think you've rather misunderstood: they wear long, thin, white flowing garments as they are cooler - not because they're afraid of showing an ankle.

If anything, they're wanting to avoid showing any bare flesh to the sun (to minimise the risk of burning); not to other people who may be driven crazy by a calf or a shoulder.

Casperroonie · Today 09:56
FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 21/05/2026 20:03
But what does "apppropriate for school" even mean?
Show quote history
Not crop tops or very short shorts. Common sense really.

I cannot believe people even have to ask this. Jeez.

Common sense isn't so common, though.

I can totally get why a male Teacher would feel uncomfortable seeing a pupil wearing revealing clothes & I'd not think they were a perv. It leaves the Teacher in a very vulnerable position. He's on his own in a classroom with underdressed girls, I'd feel uncomfortable if I'm honest. I get that girls should be able to wear what they want when they want without anyone passing comment but the way the world is today & the dodgy people around we have to protect our kids & have them aware of how other may view them.

When I was in school a lot of time and inconvenience was spent ensuring that you were never alone with a student.

It was understood pretty clearly that this wasn't for the sake of the student!! It was to discourage false allegations being made against teachers and other staff.

I don't know for sure, I admit, but I'd put money on there being strong coincidence of the kids who turn up in revealing clothing and the kids who make malicious allegations against teachers. I don't believe that kids expose their buttocks without thinking about their motivation - you don't just casually choose outfits like that - it's a deliberate choice...but what reaction they are hoping for - have they thought that through?

They know perfectly well. They’re either being disingenuous in order to make a point about female freedom, or they’re acting out the kind of ‘no-one’s going to tell me what to do’ childishness that is so common nowadays.

There used to be a dress code for teachers: If you can see up it, down it or through it - Don't wear it!
My workplace also included no bare legs in Summer. No-one would even consider wearing hot pants. I have never seen a teacher at work in hot pants.
I think the above is a sensible dress code and should apply to students too. When I was at school, we were told that it was unacceptable to wear a black bra under a white shirt, only white bras and nude colour bras are acceptable. To this day, I judge people's educational standards by the colour bra they wear under a white shirt. Strangely, I am never far wrong.
Even more HarshbutTrue, if your daughter is walking to and from school she may be seen by predatory males. Some of these males think that young girls with their tits hanging out are just asking for sex. It's not just the male teachers that we need to be concerned about. Your daughter has reached an age where she wants to flaunt her body. She is unaware that the world isn't always a nice place.
As a parent you should be aware of the bigger picture and are responsible for her welfare.

I think this is really fucking weird. So there are male teachers around. And?

And the comments here suggesting attire incites behaviour are depressing in how backwards they are.

Now if they had simply said the attire is inappropriate for a school environment that’s fine. It’s the “male teachers are around” bit that is problematic

Some people like to blame male teachers for not being allowed to dress inappropriately at school rather than because it's inappropriate for school.

I agree with you in the sense that I find it hard to believe that some of the sights I see in and out of school on teenagers (girls far more than boys - and why might that be?) could ever incite desire - it seems to me to be coarse and try-hard.

So why is it a problem for schools and for lots of people? Because of its inappropriateness, I guess, as pps keep on saying here.

We're told that all behaviour is communication. I'm not sure I buy that 100% , but if that's even a little bit accurate, then clothing choices most certainly are communication - no news there. They have been, for the affluent, since the dawn of history.

Except when I go to dig the garden or do the tough housework my clothing certainly is communication. At my age I want to communicate style, discernment, taste, a bit of dash etc. At my age and situation (it's different for younger people) I do not want to communicate 'sexy'. even if I thought I could.

I just think some attitudes on here are dishonest. They disingenuously claim that youngsters who choose revealing clothing are not trying to be sexy. I'd like to see them make a plausible argument for this!!

They want us to believe that revealing part of your buttocks isn't meant to be sexy. If not, just what are they hoping to communicate?????

If they are intending to be sexy, then that has no place in school or at work.

Wearing things which reveal your arse to everyone at school isn't a feminist statement - it's just pandering to the male gaze and specifically to a porno culture which suits pervy men far more that is serves young women.

honestly think most people now don’t understand the connotations of clothing. Jeans are also considered not smart traditionally. I know things have changed and everyone lives in cheap stretch clothing but school isn’t one of these places…

• yes, I personally think stricter dress codes would be better. It helps to psychologically prepare for work or school if there are differences in what you wear. The new laxness about clothes isn't ideal.