To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

Rapists think like rapists when they see adults or children. It's not the clothes.

I feel torn on this:

It IS unfair that the same clothes will look more revealing depending on body shape.

But this isn't about 'worrying about men's feelings'. I'm bi myself and likewise manage not to behave inappropriately no matter what anyone is wearing - but the point is more about people wearing excessively revealing clothing not being appropriate, pps have mentioned feeling uncomfortable when clothes expose underwear etc, not because they're pervs but because some things shouldn't be shown.

Also : in the situations pps have described where super revealing clothes have been worn, if a man did seem them and feel uncomfortable (and look away rather than staring etc) I don't think that makes them bad. As pps have said, pervy men wouldn't feel uncomfortable, they'd just furtively stare.

Men on average are more likely to be sexually stimulated visually and as pps have mentioned, involuntary erections & similar can happen. This by itself doesn't make them pervs.

I don't agree with pps who said someone with larger boobs will always be able to find something covering whatever style if well-fitted : I don't think that's always possible. Not quite decided on that side of the issue :

But definitely super short skirts of the kind being described should be off the list of potential options.

Yes, and also...

It's not always about sexual arousal. It could be that seeing a lot of bare flesh or the erogenous zones of someone is actually off-putting. There's a blanket acceptance on here that revealing clothes are sexy. Only sometimes! My objection to over-revealing clothes is that they can be stomach-churning.

Blubbery cheeks and big bosoms...no thanks. And I speak as someone whith those attributes!

I can't stand fleshiness in Rubens' paintings either - I find it really unattractive. I'm only saying this as a voice in the wilderness - to counter the conventional view that the more you reveal, the more irresistible you must be.

It’s only standard in rougher schools. I’ve been teaching over 20 years and many schools now have high expectations for uniform. Not wanting to see someone’s underwear when they’re walking upstairs or bending over does not make you unsuitable to teach. I wouldn’t like to be a male teacher either. Girls need to dress respectfully and not roll skirts up so far that we can see underwear. Same for tops.

A vest top and shorts in 30 degree heat with no air con is absolutely appropriate.

This!

My youngest went to an all-girls school. She said there were some male teachers who you made sure you didn’t walk up the stairs in front of.

WTAF?!!! Male teachers “tempted” by girls in vest tops? How on earth do they cope at swimming pools? I’d make a complaint not only to the head teacher but also the Chair of Governors!

Is the school dress code clear? They maybe need to revisit it and not just single out one girl but all of them if the tops did not fit with the policy. Same for boys.

Also they need to not be referencing teachers in the reasons why not to wear anything. It needs to be linked to dress code.

The issue is often about being dressed appropriately for school. On non uniform days my daughters school are not allowed strappy tops, crop tops, short skirts or shorts. It's a question of wearing the correct clothes for Science, Food Tech etc. Male members of staff often feel uncomfortable challenging girls who have it all hanging out for fear of being accused of 'looking' or being a 'pervert'. The issue lies with inappropriate dress. Much like the boys with their boxers and bum hanging out of their low slung trousers.

Female teacher said the same to my 12 year old daughter. Inappropriate comment from the teacher in my opinion.

Common decency ,any body out there has a inch of moral sense ?

Some of the posts here are absolutely incredible.

No, she should not have to cover up for men. This is the wrong line for girls in 2026. I mean, it made no difference for us in the 90’s and we’ve told our daughters that their clothing is not about the male gaze, so now it’s so much worse.

But how massively patronising for male teachers. That they aren’t able to control themselves around teenage girls just because they can see more arm? Yuck.

Complain to the school. Use their equality and diversity policy to underline the point. Ask them to clarify their non-uniform policy equitably if there is an issue with clothing so all students cannot wear vest tops and presumably there is a minimum short length too.

The reason that was given was totally wrong, but I still don’t think vests are appropriate for school. It’s showing too much skin. That comment sounds ridiculous on the face of it, I mean, what does too much skin have to do with learning? But if it doesn’t matter where would you draw the line then? Bikini tops? Tiny shorts? Boys going shirtless? Why have any boundaries at all?

But it was only the larger chested girl that was singled out. So seems it is ok attire as long as you dont have a chest. Also to use the excuse of male teachers is a bit ick. As if male teachers can't control themselves.

I don't think I've answered one of these for years, but I am so incensed at some of the misogynistic comments on here. I have been a teacher for 25 years. That kind of thing is the most old-fashioned and disgusting thing I've heard. Why is it always the girls's fault? Why are they still teaching this?

I think those are two separate issues requiring totally different solutions, as I said upthread.

And that, from a feminist position, there is huge danger in not ensuring that this is clearly articulated, and girls are not tacitly told that women are responsible for male predation.

No you're not wrong at all. Can't stand it. My niece at PRIMARY school was told her skirt was too short. She's a child. If male teachers find a child too sexy then they shouldn't be teaching. It's just another way to shift the blame to the girls and not the dirty pervs.

This 100%.

I teach in a top private school and it is completely normal there for girls to be wearing very short skorts all day (they can wear PE kit all day if they have PE/ games/ sports club that day) and also fo4 6th formers to be scantily dressed. I found it a lot of flesh to start with (I’m female and tend to cover up) but I and the male teachers are used to it and never really think about it as far as I’m aware. The head sometimes wears leather trousers, I found that weird too! Doesn’t seem to stop anyone achieving stellar results

Yes but there's skorts and there's bum frills. No-one minds a skort! They are positively nun-like in comparison.

ETA and I will get called judgmental but d do have this very strong sense that the bum frill wearers do not have their minds on achieving stellar school results. A skort is a good practical bit of kit for a busy girl.

With all due respect I find it peculiar as a Teacher you would advocate for girls exposing their cleavage & wearing skirts hardly covering their bottoms when in the classroom.