To not agree to this Holiday ?

[copingjustfine]

Can someone please advise me if I’m being unreasonable here ?

Me and dad not together, I have our 5 kids living with me full time, dad sees them 5 hours A fortnight for 5 hours through his choice, and refused over nights

But.. he still thinks he can have the upper hand on everything

He wants to take tow of the children to Portugal ( aged 15 and 14) for a week 5th July-12 th July 2026. When he initially asked for the old passports so he can renew them they got handed over and I warned him via email any holiday abroad need to be planned in the school holiday after the breakup end of July

Now he’s emailed me after passports have arrived that he’s taking them beginning July. I’ve said no as we will get fined and risk of prosecution for all those days off and he replies with ‘you’ve got a loud mouth and don’t think rationally’ he’s basically backing me into a corner to agree

He said he will ask permission from the headteacher and that he’s going to tell them he’s going for a funeral. ( which is a lie)

He’s making out that I’m unreasonable, but am I?

And I know people will say ‘just let him pay the fines’ but I know this man he will tell me to ignore the fines and he a ain’t paying them but i am not doing good financially I can’t have this on my head when I’m not even the one taking them for 5 days, if it was 1 or 2 days overlap on his weekend holiday it would be fine but 5 days !!

I know if the headteacher declines his permission he will still pressure me to hand the kids over to take them and Make me look bad to the kids. I’ve asked him when did he send the permission request and he’s ignored me

What would you do on this situation without becoming the bad guy to your kids ?

Be the bad guy to your kids. What else?

A) your dc need to learn that education is important and b) your dc need to learn that dishonesty is unacceptable.

Yeah very short term you may be the bad guy but long term they will see it is him. It’s really hard but you can say no and ask him to move the dates of the summer holiday.

Calmly and firmly explain the situation to your kids. They are old enough to understand.

Portugal is quite strict on entry requirements and he will need a letter from you giving permission or he could be denied entry.

Warn the school / head teacher in writing that your ex is talking about taking the dc on a term time holiday this and that you have told him in writing that you do not agree and have told him to take them in the school holidays.

The school / courts can't hold you responsible if you have not agreed to ex's idea.

My ex took my sons’ abroad, and we both got fined.

I explained that the holiday was on his time and nothing to do with me.

I didn’t have to pay a fine, but he did

I had already told my ex, that he’d be paying mine aswell, if I’d got one.

He can't take the DC out of the country without your permission. He needs a court order of you refuse, which is unlikely to be successful during term time.

Tell him to take you to court.

Are all 5 of the dc his? And he’s only proposing taking 2 of them? Why?

Yes they are all his, I don’t know why he’s only taking 2, maybe because he feels it’s too much taking them all as He also has a wife and kids with her too so maybe he’s taking them all and just taking two of ours

That's shitty on your other 3, it wouldn't be so bad if he did other things with the other 3 to make up for it but he sounds close to dead beat by looking at how much access he uses

Terrible behaviour! Picking which kids to take and disrupting their education. I’d just be honest with the school - keep all messages he sends you.

This.

If you genuinely don't want them to go, refuse permission to take them out of the country, would involve you following through with a call to police if he takes them anyway though.

You do know he can’t take them without your permission or if there is a CAO in place that specifically allows it

Nevermind the school stuff, I wouldn't let him take two and leave three behind

Have you told the DC about his plan and the consequences. At 15 and 14 they will understand your objection.

Speak to the school.

If needs be get a prohibited steps order from the court. They need to be in education all year long at that age, on the build up to GCSEs.

Speak to the school.

If needs be get a prohibited steps order from the court. They need to be in education all year long at that age, on the build up to GCSEs.

Agree with PP. But, given how he talks to you, I would suggest you use a co-parenting app to communicate with him (Talking parents, ourfamilywizard etc) and do not meet or talk to him in person or through any other medium.Make sure all communication with him is in writing on the app, so recorded. If he is proposing to lie to the school, let it be in writing, and in a format that can be produced in court.

Yes the above is good advice. All communication documented. Preferably through a third party.

He’s probably taking the older two so they can babysit his wife’s younger kids. He sounds awful!

He sounds like a prince among men 🥴

As recommended, document everything and if he does take them make sure you appeal the fine when it comes your way. What a shit.

Yes I thought this - shitty on the other two, and this would be another big reason why I’d say no.

I think it’s right that he wants them to look after the wife’s little ones.

But also the eldest two are the last ones he should be taking out of school!

Yeah stinks of putting in some time now they don't really need looking after (and may make his trip easier if he can get them to babysit his partners kids) so he can say "oh I wasn't a deadbeat, I took you on holiday"

This!

You don't get to pick your favourite kids and only take them away.

I'd make it plain that if he was having his kids then he was having all 5 of them - in the same way that YOU have all 5 of them most of the time. He doesn't get to only spend time with some and not the others.

I'd have been gutted as a 9 year old, for eg, if my Dad had taken two of my siblings on holiday but not me.

And yeah, it goes without saying that he can only take (all) of them in the school holidays. All or none. His choice.

I would advise the school in writing of what he is planning and also try and flag it up with border control (with their full names, don’s and passport numbers) that they are being taken out of the country without consent - easier if you know which airport he will use.

I’d let them go but he has to pay the fine.

hes an arsehole but you don’t have to be one too