AIBU to feel frustrated about future inheritance when money is tight now?

[Giraffeowlllama]

Vent rather than aibu.
Just been out for lunch with my dm. It was lovely she always insists on paying.
Her card was declined as she forgot her pin so I paid around £100. Restaurant didn't take cash.
Unfortunately/ fortunately this was about all I had in my bank account ( get paid on Friday)We then went and she took cash out for me.
All good. She knows things are tight for me. She asked me to check her balance. I was shocked just over £50k!
She had spent lunch telling me she's updated her will as an only child I'll inherit most- I dont really like talking about death.
The thing is I'm 50, in rented accommodation with disabled dh, 2 dds and work full time. I can just pay for everything but it's tight.
It just seems mad that help now would really change my life rather than in 10 odd years.
Its not a moan about inheritance just a moan. We moved here to their town so I can support them as they get older but it does sometimes feel like a 'kick in the teeth' ( if that's the right expression) when we are struggling and only in this location to help.

Sorry vent over

A) it’s her money

B) she may need it for her own living costs.

£50k isn’t a lot of money in the grand scheme of the gs, given she can’t really work.

She needs to look out for herself too.

£50k
is she retired? Is that all she has because if it is and she’s not working it won’t last long

You say help them - is you dad still around?

What if she needs money for care costs as she gets older? She’s being sensible.

But presumably she's retired? In which case she will need that pot of money to fund her retirement?

I know that, it's her money in her current account. There is a lot more in savings/ investment. My df was extremely fortunate and retired with 3 final salary pensions.
They have a lovely bungalow and have made it future proof, adaptations in bathroom etc.
I visit every few days, help with food shopping/drs etc as much as I can.

I think I'm just feeling the pinch atm, my rent has gone up, bills are up. University for dd in September and will need money , everything is just getting on top of me.

Yes, I agree with this. I thought you were going to say that she hadn't reimbursed you, as she said "you'd get it back in your inheritance". But this isn't the case.

You're fortunate to have at least one loving parent still alive, and one that insists on treating you is nice.

Wishing you well for the future, I realise your life isn't all roses.

Edit. Cross-posted, but sentiment still the same.

I think YABU. There's no guarantee you'll be getting any or all the money she currently has, what is she needs it for care etc? It's not her responsibility that you and DH are still in rented accomodation and there'll be so many in your situation with no possible inheritance coming ever so its just a bit tone deaf to have a moan that your mum bought you lunch and will leave you money one day but not soon enough for you..

I agree in that £50K isn’t that much in cash to last into retirement for goodness knows how many years. She may need a care home in the future and that would be gone in a year if so.

Speak to them! Explain
if they have funds they can sort legally etc
but how much do you think you need? Because they’ll need stuff for care homes etc
your expectations may not match what is possible

How much do you want from her now? Would you ask for help now?

You could ask her if she could help you out by giving you a bit of money every month if she can afford it. She might not have thought about you being actually short of money.

£50,000 in a current account? Is she mad? Is DF alive? You must have some idea as to their wealth? Or are they expecting care home costs? Is DF alive? They could help with grandchild of course and reduce IHT by giving you £3,000 a year.

I would be advising her to move most of it out of her current account and into savings, to begin with.

If you don't like talking about death and wills and the future, then you can't really expect her to either.

As to whether it is right for you to ask for some help, now, I think that depends on lots of things.
Some posters have inferred that £50K is all she has, but if she has that sitting in her bank account, and thinks £100 for a midweek lunch for two is an ordinary week of spending, it does sort of suggest that she has considerable wealth.

Personally, I would rather help my adult dc out as much as I can when I am alive, than sit and watch them struggle if I had a lot of money that was going to go to them when I die anyway. If your Mum has never had to struggle, she might just be blissfully unaware of your struggles.

Yes, I know lots of people will say it is the mother's money, and obviously it is, but many of us feel we wouldn't want to see our dc struggling if there were something we could do to help them.

I'm afraid yabvu, hard as it might feel, as she must make sure she's got enough for any future expenses Inc care costs (and not only cover her costs but not become a financial burden to you).

Most people don't need a care home in their final years. The OP could ask for help from her parents but she shouldn't be expecting it.

Jesus, I can't believe what I've just read . . .

Unbelievable post, vulture comes to mind.

I was literally having this conversation with DH a few weeks ago.

His parents live mortgage free, having an awful lot of money in savings and want for nothing.

They have multiple children all at different stages in their lives. Some with multiple children, others trying to buy their first house etc.

We both said that we don’t know why people wait for their children/Grandchildren to inherit their money when they die when they could do it earlier and A) help them in life when it’s most needed and B) actually be around to see what a difference the money makes.

Would you ever try and talk to her about the situation? I don’t think you’re being grabby and entitled. You already know from her own words what you’re the one who’s going to inherit from her, it’s not as if you’re jumping to assumptions.

They won't be going into care homes. They will have me and carers if needed.

Immediate needs, I desperately need dental work about £4/5k my front teeth are so painful and parts are black.
I've explained till im blue that there are no nhs dentists locally.

As I said it a moan.

@Giraffeowlllamaok that changes my opinion a bit. Obviously it is still up to her what she does with her money but if you are an only child and she can see you struggling then it does seem uncharitable for her to not start giving you some of the inheritance sooner rather than later. It will all get taken up in inheritance tax otherwise to the tax man when she could have gifted you little and often along the way instead .

I don’t think you would be unreasonable to approach her about 4/5k.

People need to stop fretting about what they may get. Many people get nothing if care costs kick in.

Meant to click yabu

Or if their parents have other plans of where they'd like to leave their money! I've never understood banking on a certain amount of money coming from anywhere when you don't know what the future holds.