AIBU to feel frustrated about future inheritance when money is tight now?

[Giraffeowlllama]

Vent rather than aibu.
Just been out for lunch with my dm. It was lovely she always insists on paying.
Her card was declined as she forgot her pin so I paid around £100. Restaurant didn't take cash.
Unfortunately/ fortunately this was about all I had in my bank account ( get paid on Friday)We then went and she took cash out for me.
All good. She knows things are tight for me. She asked me to check her balance. I was shocked just over £50k!
She had spent lunch telling me she's updated her will as an only child I'll inherit most- I dont really like talking about death.
The thing is I'm 50, in rented accommodation with disabled dh, 2 dds and work full time. I can just pay for everything but it's tight.
It just seems mad that help now would really change my life rather than in 10 odd years.
Its not a moan about inheritance just a moan. We moved here to their town so I can support them as they get older but it does sometimes feel like a 'kick in the teeth' ( if that's the right expression) when we are struggling and only in this location to help.

Sorry vent over

You’d have to explain this a bit more to me I’m afraid. Isn’t the very nature of inheritance suggestive of the fact the gift giver has to die first? I’m also seeing conflicting responses from other persons on here who appear to be from the same country as you are. How does it work? Someone’s parent can go into an account marked for gifting on death in a will, give their child money from it and the child receives the remainder on death in accordance to the will? The parent can’t use that money as they like while alive for their care or however they want to? Or change their mind after making the will? There are no death related debts to be paid by executor prior to distribution of said gift?

To be clear…in my country the only way someone can “benefit” from (intended) inheritance prior to the person’s death is if the testator took money from an account referred to in a will for XYZ beneficiary and gives them. Additionally, in my country, all debts and testamentary expenses are to be settled first before any beneficiary can get his or her gift or part thereof (if full gift unavailable due to settling of said debts beforehand or other reasons).

I will have to look up this 7 year rule you mentioned as I’m quite intrigued.

What relevance does your experience have to the OP’s? Your wealthy parents made sure you wanted for nothing. OP’s parents are watching their daughter’s teeth rot out of her head, her life upended by cancer x2 and parkinsons for her dh and still expected her to move in and care for them for two months.

Even so she, like you, doesn’t wish them dead. On the contrary she just wishes they would care for her a little more while they are alive.

Oh my. Another one. Sigh.

It’s relevant as I was responding directly to another poster who made a statement about being sorry for me for not having a certain type of relationship in my life.

Additionally, I never stated nor implied my parents were wealthy. In fact, I stated that my dad was not a rich man.

Bye to you too, boo. Move along.

Your anger at someone in a different situation ie wealthy parents, not the same as your parents is unbelievable. It’s a different situation.

Yes, I’ve read your posts, I responded to the first one where you more or less accused the OP of wishing her parents dead for the inheritance, unbelievable!

Exactly this! Certainly the case for me.

Of course we are parents all our lives. Just not cash cows.

I do hear you. Would they consider paying you hourly for the help you offer now?

And for me too.

Perhaps we have differing views on what a parent's responsibility is to their adult children. Dental work to prevent pain and harm? In my view we should pay for that if they can't.
Why wouldn't we?
No one is encouraging the OP to drain them of all their funds, or saying she should demand half her mother's bank balance, but she is clearly struggling, and from added posts it seems she does a lot to help her parents. That should be a two way street. It sounds like they need support in the form of her time and capability (for care and appointments etc.) and she needs their financial support for dental issues in this particular case.

But that's exactly why people are picking you up on this.

All the OP is saying, is she wishes she had the kind of relationship with her parents where they help out when "certain things pop up". Just like you did.
And you've been really unpleasant to her and accused her of wanting her folks to die.
Did you not actually read what she said?

Uk- England specifically.

you can give anyone any amount of money at any time. When people refer to “early inheritance” they mean their parents gifting them money now, rather than keeping it until they die when it would be received as inheritance.

so it’s not “inheritance” as such, it’s a monetary gift.

tax rules state that any gifts given in the 7 years prior to death are included in the estate and inheritance tax is due on those gifts. The first 3k per year is exempt which is what people are on about when they mention that amount as a tax free gift.

if you survive longer than 7 years no one cares and no tax to pay.

if someone is very rich and their estate is likely to be liable for inheritance tax (at 40%), it’s often advised they start giving money away before they die so their beneficiaries get the full amount and they aren’t paying thousands to the tax man.

Ooh touchy!

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

We are on the other side of this really. In our 60s and doing OK. Own a nice house and got comfortable pensions and savings. FIL has recently died and DH, as executor, is sorting out his estate. Eventually DH will be getting a hefty amount in inheritance. We have discussed this and decided to give most of it to our adult DD when all is sorted out.

She is not in dire need - she is single, has a job she enjoys and is buying her own flat. However, that amount of money could probably make more difference to her life now than in, say, 20 years when we both expire.

Thank you. I understand now.

Unpleasant to her by stating my opinions and beliefs? OP started a thread and I responded to the post she made to start such thread. She’s the one who put her business out here in public asking if she’s being unreasonable and I agreed that she is. I have no idea what OP said after the fact through the manyyyyy pages that follow as I was responding to what she first said.

Additionally, I never accused her of waiting around for her mother to die. I’ve reread my posts and stand by them. I have stated what MY position is regarding inheritance and the fact that I’d rather have my dad around than to be living a life made “easier” by anything money he left me when he passed. That does not mean that I think OP is waiting around for her mother to die. I operate a certain way and I paid no attention to any inheritance or what the amount could be or monitored my dad’s accounts to know what would be coming. I didn’t care. Allllll I cared about esp near the end of his terminal illness was making sure he was as comfortable as possible while praying hard for a miracle so he wouldn’t die.

It would’ve come over so much better in my opinion if in the opening post the OP made no reference to inheritance but said she’s struggling and has a rich mother who wouldn’t help, etc. I would then be minded to give her my thoughts on how she could approach said mother for help. However, the reference to inheritance and how her post was framed screamed unreasonable and entitled to me. And to others on this thread clearly.

Not read full thread, but agree it’s difficult to know how much money you’ll need if you require care. We’ve helped our children with large deposits for houses. However although I’d like to give them more now, im very aware that we might need a great deal of money in the not too distant future.

Tbf I’m not sure you could call having cancer, her husband becoming disabled as ‘fuck ups’. It sounds like OP has been dealt several tough hands.

I do not read drip-feeds, in her original post the OP never disclosed this info - she said 'I got close to my parents to help them in old age'.

You should try reading updates, saves you answering with outdated responses, because the thread has moved on.

No, it’s crazy. People leave any money left to who they like. Never rely on it. 🙄

Being a contractor on 150k and not having contractors insurance for critical illness is a fairly major fuck up though.

Do they have a financial advisor? Surely, they realize that £50k in her current account is ridiculous, she won't be earning any interest on it. As she asked you to check her balance for her, i.e. she's clearly fine that you know what it is, I'd gently mention that you were surprised that she's keeping that much in her current as it's not v. safe there if someone gets hold of her debit card - moving it to a savings or investment account would be safer and earn her interest. That's not overstepping IMO as she was open with you about the balance.

Re. Your teeth. Honestly, I'd tell your parents directly that you're in pain and could they help you get your teeth sorted out. Show them what your teeth look like, they'll probably be v. concerned. Also, are they aware that they can gift up to £3K a year with no tax implications?

When a thread is 15 pages long, it is pretty certain it has either moved on from the original post, or the OP has answered people's questions.
I get not reading every post, but it is pretty bad form to not even read the OP's posts through the thread.

They also need to be careful about giving away money. If they need care, at home or anywhere, which will be a professional decision, in some cases, and if it needs funding, the councils will chase relatives if money has been given away.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/paying-for-care/paying-for-a-care-home/deprivation-of-assets/

I really don't understand why the older generation are unprepared to share some of their wealth in the present day.

Wow.
Because they have spent a lifetime working for it.
If they wish to share that's great... the entitlement is real here.