I have a spending problem and I need some harsh truths

[helpmepleasepls]

I’m in my mid to late 20s and I just cannot save money to save my life.

I am very lucky to be able to save about £600 a month from my wages. After that and all my outgoings I should have anywhere between £350-£500 a month left.

I just cannot control myself. I don’t know why. I’ve just had my birthday and I’m determine for this year to be different but it seems to happen each month. I just have no idea what I spend it all on. I end up going into my savings and justifying it by saying “I’ll replace it next month”. Obviously I never do.

I’m going to go through my bank statement and identify things that can be canceled, I’ve gone through and cancelled loads of subscriptions and I am going to delete my card from Apple Pay on my computer and all the rest.

I know I need to change but I just don’t know how to. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Please, how do I stop this?

I tend to look on money saving expert: look for best accounts to lock away your money.

As I’ve said. Everything essential is covered. The extra is disposable income.

Op be realistic about the budget for yourself. Ask ChatGPT to analyse your spending and recommend a realistic one. Then take the money for each week out in cash and put in separate envelopes. Each day when you leave the house know what you are going to spend and bring a fiver with you for incidentals or something similar. Remove your cards from your phone and freeze your physical cards in a block of ice. You have already tried everything else so i think you need to make it really hard to spend money.

You're saving £600 a month? And you're worried about your spending? Am I missing something? £600 a month = £7,200 a year in your 20s. This is butt loads!

Oh wait, I was so confused I reread your post and it turns out you're dipping into those savings monthly.

Right. It really helped me to keep a track of EVERYTHING I was spending, putting it ALL in an excel spreadsheet and coding it all so I could see where my biggest red flags were AND where my assumptions about essentials costs were wrong.

Occasional "treats" like meals out or takeaways really added up. I became more intentional about clothes I bought so they needed to have a high re-wear factor, look great on me, and bring me joy and/or comfort rather than buying cheap.

Think about what you value and how much things cost. Are you making lots of little trips to a more expensive supermarket when you could do a meal plan and weekly Lidl trip?

What's the real cost of your lifestyle and your life? Maybe a budget of £100 a week and only saving £500 a month might be more helpful. Putting a chunk of those savings into an account or pot that you can't have easy access to.

You say you don't know what you spend it all on and although it's boring as hell and sometimes painful to literally go through absolutely EVERY single purchase in the month, you need to do it to see what's really going on. When I hear "stop buying coffees out" it's not helpful because I know I don't buy coffee out and about. Stopping drinking at home made a bigger difference than I thought - it would be a £10 corner shop trip a couple of times a week for a bottle and snacks which added up to about £100 a month that I prefer now to spend on a meal out or drinks in a bar. Didn't cut the cost but it's given me more joy!

Also, all the books I was buying on my kindle added up to anywhere between £30-50 a month, which was crazy so I got my library app and keep a track on how many books I read for free (from the library, gifted, shared) or buy.

I think this might be useful. I’ll just need to remember my physical card, because I definitely use Apple Pay the most! It’s become such a habit

So in reality you are spending £1000 a month on unnecessary stuff, you don’t know where it’s going and even though you have specific savings goals, you can’t stop spending.

yeah, you have a problem. Your plans sound good but you also need something to fill the void otherwise you’ll fall off the wagon.

Absolutely everything essential covered? Like fuel for your car? How do you not know what you are spending £1k a month on? It's not meal deals and coffee, that's for sure.

I’ve said so many times that I just waste it, please don’t be obtuse. I’m so ashamed of myself

Which is why I’m asking for help.

You’re not on Ropinirole by any chance?

Start putting it into an account that’s locked. So when it’s in it can’t come out for say a year.

I’ve explained why this doesn’t work for me.

I think one thing I might try is for each no spend day, I can plan a treat on my holiday. Like “you didn’t touch your savings today, so you can plan a museum visit because you’ll have €X”

Do you have a family member you trust completely to keep your savings for you?

You've asked for help, I'm checking with you whether you have thought of everything, no need to be so rude. You must have some idea of what you're buying every month. If you don't want to say then that's fine but you can't budget unless you know where it's going.

You should go back through at least 3 months bank statements and make a spreadsheet. It's not just meal deals it's big spends (clothing?). What are you selling on vinted, that will give you some idea of you what you're buying.

Transfer your discretionary spending to a separate account. Have your card for that on your phone but not your card for your main current account.

If you think you'll just spend your month's discretionary money on the first day, only transfer enough for the week (or a few days).

OK well if you need the savings to be accessible but don’t want to access them then you honestly just have to give yourself a shake. Stop going into shops or browsing online.

When you decide you want to buy anything make a pros and cons list and if the pros list isn’t double the cons you do without.

All that crap you bought from Boots? Return it if you haven’t opened it.

Yes, so your priority is spending money on anything else. If your holiday was your priority, then you wouldn't be dipping into anything.

Plenty of people have offered advice on this thread but you just keep saying you can't do it.

I earn £2k a month, £1k is all essentials including food and bus pass, so in theory I could save £1k a month if I didn’t spend a penny.
Usually I would try and save £400 a month.
This year I have saved absolutely nothing but don’t regret it! I have spent that grand every month because I’ve been out every weekend because there’s suddenly been a load of special occasions, so about £100 on each night out plus outfits etc. I can look back on all the brilliant memories I’ve created to comfort myself when I’m a pensioner freezing to death 🤣

It doesn't sound like you need to 'cut back' the way that you're saying, you need to find a way to cut yourself off from access to your savings, that you can't override. Best idea I've got, is can you transfer the money to a parent to keep for you? Do this on pay day.

Also £80 a month discretionary is very very low, be a bit more realistic here so you don't feel hard done by.

The alternative is you can get a Monzo account and lock certain pots for as little time as 30 days. So you put it in, lock until you need it for the trip. So it doesn’t have to be for a year.

Or give it to someone trusted to save for you.

I’ve said I just waste it. Clothes, cosmetics, all sorts. I can identify about £300 this month that was “needed” for my holidays but the rest is just wasted

I just want to cut myself off entirely, if that makes sense. If I give myself an inch I take a mile and that’s how I end up in this mess.

I do have an old Yorkshire building society account that I may well log back into, so the money is instantly accessible but not visible on my account when I log on to check.

Balance is the way to go: a bit of shopping for needs, a bit of self-indulgence, a bit of giving, a bit of saving for fun (hols, days out etc.), a bit of saving for pension.

Allocate available money into these pots and stick to it. You must have some fun ..
but it does not always lie in material goods.

It does sound like an addiction rather than just lack of willpower. I wonder if it would be worth spending some of it on therapy or even hypnotherapy to help identify your triggers and change your mindset?

Locking it away is a good short term solution but as you will always be able to access that money, how tempting is it going to be. A long term solution is what's needed really.