I have a spending problem and I need some harsh truths

[helpmepleasepls]

I’m in my mid to late 20s and I just cannot save money to save my life.

I am very lucky to be able to save about £600 a month from my wages. After that and all my outgoings I should have anywhere between £350-£500 a month left.

I just cannot control myself. I don’t know why. I’ve just had my birthday and I’m determine for this year to be different but it seems to happen each month. I just have no idea what I spend it all on. I end up going into my savings and justifying it by saying “I’ll replace it next month”. Obviously I never do.

I’m going to go through my bank statement and identify things that can be canceled, I’ve gone through and cancelled loads of subscriptions and I am going to delete my card from Apple Pay on my computer and all the rest.

I know I need to change but I just don’t know how to. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Please, how do I stop this?

Look for a 90 day notice account?

Good luck!

No good for me because I need the money in three months time

Oh good idea, OP instead of putting money in a bank account, buy some currency, you would be a complete idiot to change that back to gbp to buy some random shit.

Is there anyone who can hold money for you? I had a friend like this and every year I would hold money for her holidays for her. After 2 years she was just so used to doing without that money that she didn't need me to hold it for her anymore. She asked me because she knew I wouldn't cave and give it to her until it was time to book her holiday. Week of her holiday then id give her the rest for her spending money

Try imagining standing at the airport and the customs asking you if you have enough to support yourself for your stay!
Dont let anyone else carry your bags because youre sounding a bit vulnerable!
Try to think about getting the cab or the shuttle to the hotel!
Paying for the safe deposit box.
Needing to buy meals and go on tour.
Above all try to chill out.
Subconsciously you know you can do it and thats why you want to rein yourself in now!

next month when I hit £1200 in that savings account (and it’s when! Because I will!) I may well do that. Buy £1200 of euros on a travel card and then spending is sorted for the trip, and then settle accommodation. Or settle accommodation and then buy euros with the left over and again the month after buy some euros.

What I might do actually is leave the money in the savings account, because I think that big number will really make me feel good. And then 50% of my buffer thats leftover at the end of the month is used to purchase euros, so I have a little emergency fund for the trip going

So long as you can access the money when you need it !

The best thing to Sonia to budget and have three accounts
Direct debits and salary
spending and annual saving (starling)
savings

calcualte direct debits each month and use one account just for that transfer other money to savings and spending

on the first of the month move money to the spending account. Then divided into pots eg going out clothes Christmas holidays

Yes it’s not impossible! I have the details to log in saved on my safari, but thats a hassle on my phone and usually I can’t be bothered to get my laptop

I think a large part of the issue is that I’m deeply insecure about myself (plus size, not “where I should be” etc), so I use spending as a bit of a plaster because getting a parcel is a dopamine hit. But pretty soon after I open the parcel
im completely unbothered by the item and then I get hit by this feeling at the end of the month. I know I can’t ever spend 0 because I do have things I need (skincare etc), but I can manage that by doing the small discretionary spending budget and just making some decisions. I think this cycle is just making my mental health and self esteem worse

Op can you post your income and you expenditure we can help you budget. What is your future like? Do you have a house?
It horrible if you are frittering money away and nonsense and cheap crappy stuff. If you are waiting £1000 a month that is huge amount of stuff. Can you return anything?

I really feel for you. Have you thought about losing weight at all? I don’t means to be insensitive but if you have thought about losing weight Mounjaro can help with overspending some people

I really do think a clear plan with 3, 6 and 12mo the priorities and then 36 months is a really good idea to get you started.

can you look at spending addiction and how to break it? Try some of the strategies?

I’m on weight loss injections.

I don’t feel comfortable posting my budget because I am sure it’ll be torn to shreds and that’s not the point of this post. I’ve worked through a budget on ChatGPT and when I get home I’m going through my bank statements and working it out penny by penny

I was like this in my 20s and what I found helped was having my main account that wages were put into and all bills came out of and then set up a separate account and I transfer a set amount like £200 a month that I could spend on what ever I liked such as clothes, skincare or eating out and then at the end of the month anything left over in both of those accounts get transferred into my savings account and then I start again when I get paid.

I also agree other posters who advised to wait a few days if its an impulse purchase to see if you really do want it.

Here is the snapshot of the budget I’ve put together:

June

• Fixed spends: £656.99
• Savings: £513
• Discretionary spending: £250
• Leftover: £307.01

⸻

July

• Fixed spends: £600.99
• Savings: £513
• Discretionary spending: £130
• Leftover: £403

⸻

August

• Fixed spends: £630.99
• Savings: £513
• Discretionary spending: £270
• Leftover: £294

⸻

September

• Fixed spends: £664
• Savings: £375
• Discretionary spending: £130
• Leftover: £641

after August (my big holiday), the savings will plummet as I do have some interest free debt and I would like to pivot and fully focus on that - with the amounts left over each month i should get a lot of it wiped by the new year, which would be amazing

You are in your 20s so this is solvable.

If you don't solve it your going to stuggle with credit all your life, car loan, mortgage, financial ill discipline even leads to relationship breakdown etc.

Your spending appears to be droven by two main things

1. You don't feel good about yourself so you are buying things as it temporarily gives you a bizz or dopamine hit. What can you do to feel better about yourself? Is you became an imprrsdively disciplined saver would it make you feel good about yourself etc? If not, what would and what do you need to get there?

2. Boredom - you need to place that with something more productive - a class, volunteer work, exercise, hobby etc.

The spending is a symptom of a bigger issue - unhappiness & boredom.

Addressing them will give you a better chance than anything else.

This is what I’m trying to do.

I think for me seeing it broken down like this has been really helpful - because financially I’m not actually in a bad place at all. I could easily put £700-£1100 a month into savings depending on other spends (some of my spends do vary month to month but I have advanced notice of them) which is obviously a good position to be in.

To be honest I reached breaking point this month when I had to take a credit card for dental work. Then I realised that if I had any sort of emergency right now I’d end up in the same place - taking loans. I’m lucky that my debt is all interest free at the moment. I really want to pivot to that after my trip in August, which I booked last year. I think the first month or two of it will be tough, but it’ll happen in time.

I do think a shift has occurred though as I’ve come home today to some parcels and instead of feeling the excitement that I used to, all I can do is look at them and think about what a waste of money they are.

You need to do a zero based budget. So every penny gets a name! There is no such thing as leftover money. It either goes to savings, repay some of your debt, or is spent.

If you see it as leftover money, it will quickly dissappear and you'll be back where you started unfortunately.

Could you maybe increase your discretionary spend slightly and then maybe put X off your accommodation or onto a travel card for your Euros? Just means there's no risk of accidently spending it.

It think it's great you're at this point.

The denial is over and the change is coming.

Try some of the following:

1. Delete all shopping apps
2. Unsubscribe from all marketing emails
3. Unfollow any sites on social media thaf trigger spending
4. Identify the shops that draw you in - block them online and if it's physically, walk a different route
5. Adopt a 5 day delay - if you see something you want, train yourself to not buy it for 5 days if you still want it
6. Direct debit to savings account on pay day - an account that has restricted access - either 7 day notice online or somewhere like the post office where you have to physically walk in to get it
7. Don't overly restrict yourself initially - say allow yourself €100 "fun money". Withdraw it in cash and leave your card at home. Try make it last.

Why did you go into boots the other day?

What hobbies do you have and how do you spend your evenings?

Can you make use of digital wellbeing settings on your phone or other devices to reign in your spending and probably your phone usage too.

I'd look into doing a bit of a digital detox as you might find that this urge for dopamine hits is linked back to other phone use. Many short content on social media gives a short boost of dopamine which the mind and body then craves. If you have had your fill of social media it can then go looking elsewhere for more dopamine for example through shopping or food

I have several regular items on subscribe and save so they just turn up. I get a 15% discount as I get more than 5 items delivered at once but it also reduces the need to go into places like boots - mine and my daughters hair shampoo and conditioner, her multivitamins, suncream etc.

I'm not much of a spender but I have a couple of weak spots and they are primarily stationary especially colourful pens, eye shadows and nail varnish. It means that train station are expensive places fore to find myself with time to kill!! I now always travel with a book, ideally a physical book, and a puzzle book. Things that keep my hands and mind occupied. I switched my pharmacy for our meds to a small village one which has nothing enticing in!

Regarding the meal deals you need to look at some back ups. I used to keep a couple of tins of soup in my desk and a loose change pot for days when I forgot or was unable to make some lunch. I'd take the loose change to get a crusty loaf to make the soup more enticing but cost £1 and not £5!

The “leftover” isn’t truly leftover - it’ll go into an emergency fund at the end of the month (I just want to make sure I don’t have any reoccurring payments that I miss and end up overdrawn), I’ve worked out that by the end of the year I should have nearly £2,400 in the emergency fund and be able to use half of that to debt.

Hyperjar! If no one else has said anything. Transfer money over and split into jars including a saving one. Only link to your card when you really want it. We were spending hundreds on takeaways and eating out, and with 5 of us it was disappearing fast. We put a limit of £200 a month with the choice of an really nice meal a month or a couple of takeaways and suddenly we seem to have a lot more and its much nicer this way. Added bonus is that our card was skimmed twice through a dodgy takeaway and the fraud was declined as our card is only linked to the jar when we go to purchase.

Because it was my birthday and I wanted to treat myself. Now I just feel stupid

I’m going to try and save the £100 spending money until the end of the month this month/start of next because I’m going to run out of some of my skincare and the skincare brand I use is launching new products next month. So that’ll be good motivation!