I have a spending problem and I need some harsh truths

[helpmepleasepls]

I’m in my mid to late 20s and I just cannot save money to save my life.

I am very lucky to be able to save about £600 a month from my wages. After that and all my outgoings I should have anywhere between £350-£500 a month left.

I just cannot control myself. I don’t know why. I’ve just had my birthday and I’m determine for this year to be different but it seems to happen each month. I just have no idea what I spend it all on. I end up going into my savings and justifying it by saying “I’ll replace it next month”. Obviously I never do.

I’m going to go through my bank statement and identify things that can be canceled, I’ve gone through and cancelled loads of subscriptions and I am going to delete my card from Apple Pay on my computer and all the rest.

I know I need to change but I just don’t know how to. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Please, how do I stop this?

This is essentially the same as me eating biscuits etc when I am not hungry. I don’t need to. I don’t want to. But I still do.

Partly it is boredom and partly it is habit. I’m changing my evening habits to avoid being near the kitchen. I’ve now got aTV upstairs and I’ve taking my knitting upstairs so by 10pm I’m away from the temptation. When DS goes to uni the tin will stay empty when he’s not here.

So try to change the habit of online and in store shopping. Make it harder to do both. Do something else instead. Once you’re past the holiday start saving money into a locked- away account and keep a smaller amount in a more accessible one. Move the money at the start of the month, not hope to do so at the end.

Sell anything you don’t want, and if there’s anything you can return take it back and get a refund.

I think you either need to try cash stuffing, or giving it to a family member to look after for you.
Delete the apps and apple pay on your phone.
Take your cards out your purse
Have a tenner for emergencies in your pocket.
Get some kind of addictive distraction to give you the dopamine hit- candy crush on your phone, take up crochet, colouring. You need to find a short term distraction habit. My friend likes those mini houses that you build out of cardboard that are really detailed 🤷🏼‍♀️

Do you have someone you can tell all this too and ask if they'd hold onto the money for you?

I’ve set up a Santander savings account. I can’t remember my details but have them saved on my safari, so I can put money in/access it, but it’s not in my app. I hope that by it being less easy access (but still easy access if that makes sense), the friction means I don’t spend as much

No. I’d only trust my parents and they would disown me if they knew.

Am I literally the only one who doesn't think it's that bad....I would easily spend 1k a month 15 years ago in my 20s.
Especially if you don't own a home, your 20s is for fun and living.

But that's not helping you so I would think take your card off your phone, use cash, think deeply why you need an item and is it really worth directing your money to this item than towards your travels.
Watch some savings content on YouTube, everytime I do this I start checking my bank accounts, making savings plans, I can suggest zoe Pritchard, she's a Canadian saving content creator who shows how she divides up her money every month.
Good luck!

Are you sure you don't have ADHD? Because shopping gives a dopamine hit, and that's what adhd people seek.

You need to increase the friction and make it harder to spend. Put savings in an account that requires 30 days notice. Change your phone background to a picture of somewhere you want to travel to. Delete your card details from your phone. Plan meals and order groceries online. Can you avoid shops? Do you go past them on the way to work? Can you change your route so you just don't see stuff in the window?

I’m going to remove Apple Pay from my phone tonight (i gleefully did it this afternoon but then remembered I needed it to get the bus home 😂). I’d say the majority of my spending is online

Ok so block the websites you frequently and remove apps. Unsubscribe from marketing mails so you're not sucked back in again.

I’ve removed all shopping apps. I need to remember to put my bank card in my handbag tonight so that I don’t need Apple Pay anymore

Good stuff!

I havent read all the responses so sorry if repetition but I use an App called Plum. It takes small amounts from my account and rounds up spending to automatically save without me really noticing. Its all kept in a saving account and you can get it back instantly but if its out of sight and "gone" you may not spend as much. Have a look at it. You can get sign up referral bonuses as well if you have a friend who uses it. I would send a link but not sure if mumsnet rules allow!

I own a property, have two children, and have a fair chunk of money in investments that I initially paid into when I was 31. I also just took a year off on maternity, I’m 39.

I’m not saying OP shouldn’t ever save, I’m just telling her to give herself a break while she is still in her twenties. The fact she is starting to even consider it and knows she should make some changes shows she has insight.

I know I need to make the change. I really want to make the change. I’ve set up the standing order for the savings. Let’s do this

Think of how amazing the holiday will be if you have the money!

OP i was exactly like you at your age, only worse because I built up debt.

Cutting out everything won't work because you'll crack. I know this sounds childish but I cash stuff envelopes every month for christmas and give them to my mum to hold onto. I know the shame of asking her for them back early stops me from spending it. It's not a long term solution but could work for your holiday if you trust your mum to hold onto it?

Yeah I’m trying to rationalise with myself that having £1,700 in spending money will be a lot better than having £800 or £900. I think I just need to introduce a lot of friction into my spending. So that I have to think about it instead of just using Apple Pay.

I’ve also opted for the interest on the Santander account to be paid monthly so that literally every day of not spending counts

Making changes isnt all about harsh truths. To make changes work you need to be certain what the habit is that you want to change and why you want to change it.
Then you think about what it is that triggers your need to spend.

In your case the outcome isnt wanted.
Because you are looking down on yourself for having spent your own money.

So where has the habit of looking down on yourself come from?

Someone else may phrase the exact same set of circumstances by saying : I am so lucky to have a good income and to be in a situation where I can afford to spend on extra items.

They wouldnt be looking down on themselves and asking complete strangers to criticise their spending habits.

If you look at the good points then you will realise that you are doing well.
You can afford all your essentials and your necessities and have something left to spend on other stuff.

Have you been subject to harsh criticism and concluded that is the only way to make changes that will last?

You are not stealing or assaulting people for financial gain. You say you work for it. So I would imagine that "spending " is your reward.

Now that its nearing to summer you are struck with self loathing because you havent booked and paid for a summer holiday and at the moment it is looking as though it is out of reach.

So , you should start making plans now for next year!

You can have the smug satisfaction of putting away £100 a month for next seasons holiday.

Who is to say that you need an extravagant holiday abroad this year?
if you think it over then you will see that the world is rather unstable and there is nothing wrong with skipping a year!

I cant help thinking that someone else has planted the seeds of despair and self loathing in you .
Maybe intentionally!
Or maybe you just reject the concept of being happy with your life as it is.

But possibly that is the answer to your problems.
Maybe when you allow yourself to be happy with who you are, then the financial tag and the lure of retail therapy will cease to define you.

No-one on a full state pension will be getting pension credit.

State pension is £230pw, and pension credit stops when other pension payments get to £227pw.

Mind you, I'm pissed off that my MIL, who's only worked 5 years in her entire life, only gets £3 pw less than me, when I've worked and paid tax for more than 50 years. And she gets full housing benefit and 80% reduction in council tax. I have to pay every penny of my bloody council tax, and panic at the expense every time something in my house needs fixing, while she just rings the council and they come and do it!

I have flights booked and accommodation reserved, plus a sporting ticket paid for. So I do have a holiday booked. That’s why I’m so harsh on myself. I’m ruining my own holiday!

I think what I also need to do is focus a lot on other things. So if I would’ve spent the evening sitting and shopping, I need to focus on things that better me - exercise and self improvement.

Oops I just looked again and saw that you are just flustered about a holiday coming up in four months.
Dont put your cash where you cant access it because you are going to need it!
Maybe start buying some currency for where you are going.
I think you can do it.
Pack your case now so that you never forget that all it needs is the money .
Then save like hell!

I think its apps like Temu that are killing you.
They are seriously addictive.
Have you tried soduku.
Or candy crush.
Ideal for wasting time and cost nothing.

I’ve opened a Santander savings account that I can’t easily get to (so I can’t be sat scrolling on my phone and just get onto my nationwide app and transfer money across, I need to log in and get my laptop etc), but I can still access the money in an instant if I need to