I have a spending problem and I need some harsh truths

[helpmepleasepls]

I’m in my mid to late 20s and I just cannot save money to save my life.

I am very lucky to be able to save about £600 a month from my wages. After that and all my outgoings I should have anywhere between £350-£500 a month left.

I just cannot control myself. I don’t know why. I’ve just had my birthday and I’m determine for this year to be different but it seems to happen each month. I just have no idea what I spend it all on. I end up going into my savings and justifying it by saying “I’ll replace it next month”. Obviously I never do.

I’m going to go through my bank statement and identify things that can be canceled, I’ve gone through and cancelled loads of subscriptions and I am going to delete my card from Apple Pay on my computer and all the rest.

I know I need to change but I just don’t know how to. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Please, how do I stop this?

I’m going to set myself some rules:

£80 a month discretionary spending. This should be enough if I need to replace any skincare etc.

No more meal deals, grabbing a bag of crisps etc., I take my food for the day and if I don’t like it I can go hungry.

No more coffees at lunch - I’ll make my own

What sort of things are you buying? I assume it’s impulse buying and you’re getting some kind of hit from it?

I am very similar, so now I wait 24 hours before I buy anything. If I still want it after then, I buy it but most of the time the urge passes by then.

Can you put your savings into an account that isn’t instant access? Start a proper budgeting spreadsheet, list absolutely every outgoing, and then give yourself a certain amount for the month. Split it down into the amount of weeks in the month and once it’s gone, it’s gone. Using cash helped me with this.

You will get a lot of people disagreeing with me here but honestly you’re in your late 20s, I would relax a bit. Unless you want to buy a house or save for travel, if you are happy how you are living I wouldn’t worry. You obviously have a decent job. Twenties are for having fun… thirties you can get more serious about saving!!

Spending is a habit like most repetitive behaviours (think eating biscuits with a cuppa etc). I found breaking the spending habit by deleting my card from Amazon and other apps, taking my credit card out of my wallet and using real money. Oddly, using real money feels like spending money whereas using a card or app doesn't.

I also started putting money by D/D into bank accounts like e-bonds where there's a penalty for withdrawal.

Literally just the most pointless shit. Yesterday I spent £100 in boots on things I convinced myself I need, and I’ll use them, but I could survive without them!

How do you fancy spending your retirement in penury…

I’m saving for travel, that’s the problem. But also, I’m a bit sick of being broke at the end of the month. Not being able to go for random meals out etc. I feel quite embarrassed that I’ve got 0 savings to my name. I get paid on Friday and have £53 left. It’s shameful

It terrifies me. I have a good workplace pension which I’ve paid into since age 18, but the thought of retirement terrifies me

Tell me you are clueless about compound interest and long-term investment returns without telling me…. Etc etc.

Pensioners I know who retired without a pot to piss in are living comfortably on their state pensions bolstered substantially by pension credits.

Whereas those who scrimped and saved and went without get nothing.

My husband and I do exactly the same, although I'm definitely worse than him. I too wish I knew how to stop because we are wasting so much money. But buying things is the only thing that brings me happiness that or eating. Although I do have diagnosed ADHD and I know it goes hand in hand with that

I don't think £350 - £500 is a lot to be honest.

Enjoy your youth.

Have a separate account for your discretionary spending - I use Monzo because I like the budgeting features and it's easier to keep track of where I'm spending. Get paid into your regular current account, and set up standing orders to move your salary when it comes in - some into your savings account, pay your rent, a chunk that's earmarked for your holiday etc. Transfer a proportion to your discretionary spending account (for me that's around 12%), and what's in there is what you have for coffees, shopping, anything that's not strictly necessary. Don't use your regular debit card/credit cards for any discretionary spending - that's strictly for bills and necessities.

Your discretionary spending is all your fun money, so if you have a limit of £80-100/month, that's a fair bit for clothes/skincare, and the odd £4 for coffee or a meal deal can come out of that, but it's also about £3/day, so every day you don't buy coffee means you'll have more to spend on other stuff you do want.

Give it a go for a month, see if it helps, and set a 3 month trial period. At the end of that, if you've managed to not fritter away £300, you'll be a grand up by the end of the summer!

Ok going to jump in here and very politely disagree

With some assumptions here that you dont own a property / have children, is this correct?

Your 20s without real responsibilities is your perfect opportunity to save, it gets so much harder as you get older if you have children there are costs with childcare, clothes, food, activities etc.. its not for everyone but if you did own a property in the future there is always something that needs paying for. Me and my husband saved really well in our 20s and it has allowed us to live a lot more comfortably now in our mid to late 30s (and more lax with saving) i am about to take another year off work for maternity leave for the second time, and this would not have been an option if we didnt buckle up in our 20s. There is no right answer but i think you are right to think about it! Typing quickly on a lunch break so hope this makes sense.

Not this urban myth again.

I retired early and live extremely comfortably, thanks to my pensions and investments, which in turn are the result of not wasting money throughout my working life.

Cut down rather than cut everything out. So buy a coffee once a week. Or try and do one no spend week a month and then increase it once you get used to it.

Have you opened a LISA?

Do that. Put a smaller amount in each month so that it’s easier to leave it alone - it sounds like £50 a month might be doable without missing it. Read the terms and conditions so you fully understand that you will literally be burning free money if you take anything out early. Maybe look for one that you can only withdraw from by writing a letter with an actual stamp?? (but don’t lose the details.)

Could you buy some currency for wherever you are going to travel and keep it in a drawer for the holiday?

Theres nothing wrong with putting a bigger chunk into an account that earns some interest and then taking some out if you need it, but if you do lose the interest every time you withdraw it, it’s all a bit pointless.

Id also say, get a hobby that keeps you busy. The tech bros have got us sucking on the teat of constant shopping and are making billions from our collective discontent. Do something analogue like learning the guitar, going to boot camp or volunteering outdoors. Get the marketeers out of your head (btw I have huge respect for marketing as a profession but there’s a time and place).

I think that when I’ve done it for a week or two and see having so much money left in my account, I’ll feel better. But I just really struggle to rein it in

I’ve had a Lisa twice, emptied it twice. I don’t know what’s wrong with me

I think it's a shit load

@helpmepleasepls pay yourself first. For the day after your pay comes in, you should have a direct debit into your savings account - preferably one with notice so you can't just withdraw it without thinking about it

Job done.

Think of it this way - why do you want to give away your money to other people? Your hard earned money? I mean if you feel that strongly about giving it to Boots for stuff that you could put in the bin and forget all about, you could've given me that hundred quid

Actually, I would really like that hundred quid
Why don't you give it to me?

That's basically the conversation you're having every time you buy something you're not actually interested in! If you want to piss money up the wall that's up to you of course.

I live by the rule thst I'll always want something.

Which means that I know that as soon as I've bought it, I'll want something else. It's a cycle, and it's one I've pretty much opted out of because I don't want the hassle of dealing with what you're dealing with now - the headspace it takes up.

In your case, ypu could have ordered all of those things online when you got home, so why didn't you? Did you know you needed those things or were you seept up in the moment? (I'm not having a pop, just genuinely wanting you to think about why you didn't pause for thought. Were you short on time? Feeling low? Why did you buy then and not wait?)

It'll take a few months of tracking (either on excel or paper) exactly where your money goes and how much you need to allocate to each spending heading but it'll do you the world of good.

Every week or month go through your bank statement and allocate your income versus your spending... every penny gets a heading. So your expenses might be "rent, utilities, transport, groceries, clothing, beauty, savings, gifts, entertainment, treats"

After 2 or 3 months you'll see a trend that you actually spend £200 on treats... so allow yourself £150 and when it's gone, it's gone.

I mean a holiday could take out 6 months spare money couldn't it.

Ah yes, because saying someone in their late twenties can enjoy life a bit and start thinking about retirement savings in their 30s clearly means I’m ‘clueless about compound interest’

OP it’s definitely easier to travel with a goal! Could you set up a separate travel pot/account? It will be worth it!

I think you are maybe being to harsh to set a limit of £80 after spending up to £500 previously OP. This is what I'd do - put £250ish in a savings account then, have seperate pots/funds for 1- coffee/treats/lunches , 2 - clothing/make up/hair & beauty and 3 - events/tickets etc. Play around with how much goes in each 'pot' but once it's gone it's gone.
This method will make you think twice about a £15 lunch if you only have £30 left in your events pot and you want to go to a pottery painting workshop! It's very helpful for working out which things you have been spending on which you could live without!