AIBU to think using their voucher only on their share was rude?

[Dinnerdrama]

We were invited out to dinner with friends at the weekend.They planned to visit a particular restaurant and asked if we’d like to go along.
We had a nice enough meal, couple bottles of wine, liqueurs. All quite pleasant for a Friday night.
When the bill arrived one of our friends presented a voucher and asked for the bill to be halved and the voucher taken off theirs. The waiter seemed slightly bemused and repeated back the request. Our friend repeated and clarified they wanted the bill split and the voucher taken off their half.
I almost died of second hand mortification. Is this not CF of the highest order?! I wouldn’t dream of doing this when I invited people out. If I was that skint, I’d use the voucher as a couple and
not invite others along.
For the record, I have been out for a meal previously with them where I have had a voucher and I had the voucher taken off the whole bill and split the remainder.
Cannot believe the brass neck, it has put me off going out with them again. Massively embarrassed on their behalf, not sure why, they didn’t seem to be!!

First of all, they should have told the waiter right at the beginning before you all ordered that they had a voucher/gift card which they wanted to use. (There may have been a problem with the card and better to find out before ordering).
Then they should have told you they had a voucher etc and intended putting it against the whole bill at the end of the meal, and the remainder split between the two couples. That’s the way it’s done. No embarrassment and you all benefit and stay friends. They were in the wrong on both counts.

Why though?

I’m genuinely struggling to understand the thought process here, so maybe someone can explain it to me.

Why is it considered rude for someone to use a personal gift voucher only on their own proportion of the bill?

And I don’t mean “because it’s good manners” (subjective) or “because I’d personally share it” (not relevant), I mean why should the other diners feel entitled to benefit from it?

I can explain why I wouldn’t find it rude: as far as I’m concerned, the voucher is their money, not mine. I don’t see why I’d have any claim over a gift that was given specifically to them, or why they should effectively lose half of its value subsidising my meal just because I don’t have one.

It just comes down to whether you consider using a gift voucher to pay as paying. Which might sound nonsensical but as I would feel that using a gift card is effectively not paying myself, given that the value of that gift card was given to me so it's a chunk of the bill covered at no cost to me. I would therefore consider it rude not to share that benefit with others and until this thread hadn't really given it much thought but would have probably expected most people to feel the same.

Clearly people don't feel the same hence in the moment I would rationalise that to myself and decide they weren't necessarily being particularly rude but it would still feel somewhat rude as to me it's such a non-brainer to share it.

Eh?! What difference does it make to you? Surely you’d have split the bill anyway, and it’s not like they made you pay MORE than your share

I am not a bill splitter because I usually spend more than others at the meal, and I wouldn't think it fair that (for example) they are paying for half my bottle of wine, when they had 2 cokes.
Is that the kind of "nonsense" you meant?
I would pay for the wine, and then split the bill, or pay separately, depending who I'm with.

To be fair she said she shared her voucher last time.

I love the way you come on here asking AIBU

Then you post positively to all the people who agree with you

And then to all the people who think your friends were reasonable, you argue and effectively call them tight CFs.

I wouldn't want to have any meal with someone who comes across as so grasping.

If they'd paid cash you presumably would have been happy with the evening and the amount you paid.

Nowt changed for you - you just feel entitled to someone else's money.

But that's not the case. Using your example, in actuality

Bill was £270
Their loved one paid £100
They paid £35
You paid £135

Right. Which for the couple with the voucher is the same effect on their wallet as a voucher for £100 cut out of the paper. Which is why it's the same to me.

Agree with this. Using a gift card is like cash which has already been paid for by someone.

But you went for the meal not knowing there was a voucher to be used, so very willing to spend £135

I find it confusing that you feel it should have come off your part of the bill too, it was there voucher, assuming a gift to them, not to you. I would never expect my friends to use their voucher to financially benefit me, I’d actually go far as insisting they didn’t!

I think the only thing that muddies the water is the fact you’ve used a voucher differently with them in the past, but even then I think that’s your choice not to be expected.

It's not about whether the effect is the same on their wallet. A voucher from the paper isn't for anyone specifically and no-one has paid for it (other than the restaurant), the gift card has been bought by someone specifically as a present. If they received the gift card as a birthday present for example, why would anyone else think that they have a claim to their present? If the friend got a new ring as a gift and wore it to the restaurant would it be expected that she should lend it out?

I know others feel differently. I've said that repeatedly. I'm just explaining how I feel. That's why I wouldn't be pissed off if someone didn't share it but to me it would be the same thing. It's a benefit to to me that I would either share with the group or not invite people on the occasion I planned to use it.

It's not that I think anyone has a claim to a present to me, but I would find it very rude to invite people to a meal with me knowing I had the ability to reduce the bill by £100 and only apply it to my bill. To me there's no difference in how that ability to reduce the bill came to be in my hand.

Just wanted to say that if we were friends and you used a gift card on yourself I would never in a million years think you were being rude.

Why is it considered rude for someone to use a personal gift voucher only on their own proportion of the bill?

And I don’t mean “because it’s good manners” (subjective) or “because I’d personally share it” (not relevant), I mean why should the other diners feel entitled to benefit from it?

For those who consider it rude, the answer is simply ‘good manners’ though.
You don’t need to look further than that.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️

I'm a bit of a povvo, so I would have done what the couple did too, and wouldn't be embarrassed. They wanted to enjoy a meal with friends and be able to afford to go out again, which is fair enough imo.

You seem incredibly intolerant to the point of rudeness towards anyone who disagrees with your perspective. You seem very unsuited to an AIBU thread as you are clearly not in the least bit understanding of any viewpoint other than your own. If you’re so sure you’re in the right why bother asking for opinions only to get the hump with anyone who says anything other than totally supporting your stance. You’re clearly quite money and status focused yourself- in your situation I would shrug and think little of it but you find yourself book keeping their wine consumption, your previous voucher usage and analysing their holiday habits and age of their car. Ask yourself where this unhappiness and dissatisfaction is coming from- it’s not from this specific incident.

I am autistic level 1 which means I have a 'fairness' thing going on, I have less money then my peers and I can afford to go out often only if I buy a main, and one drink. It's just the current financial set up for us. We are often hugely shortchanged from someone guzzling wine or ordering lobster and expecting to split, so we now can't go out with groups of friends because of bill splitting... I see no issue in someone using a voucher themselves. I would too. I don't think that makes me all the horrible things you have said, as I say I have a fairly black and white brain which computes that you pay for what you wanted. However, seen as you shared your voucher earlier, (which I would of probably refused btw!) I would of definitely used it to reduce the whole bill. I think reducing your time, or not eating meals out with these people again is quite shortsighted, it's lovely to have a wide range of friends with different outlooks not an echochamber. You don't know if their neurodivergent or their financial set up. I would give some grace.

I really don’t think I would care that much.

I'm with you OP! It sounds like they invited you to join them at that particular restaurant because they had a voucher, in which case I would assume they wanted to share the voucher with you! Why else would they suggest you join them?

This happened to a friend of mine whose sister had £100 off a meal at a top restaurant. She invited her sister and partner to join them, then didn't share the £100 off with them! They were speechless. I would have been too!

They are still speaking but she's learned not to accept such invitations from her sister! 😉

Not really.
I had a voucher (a day pass) for a spa place that I was given for my birthday. I asked a friend if she fancied going, and I used my gift to get in, and she paid for hers.
So by your logic, I either should have gone on my own, or paid for half of her entry.

I'm just so relieved that I do not go out for meals with judgemental friends.
Their money, their gift voucher. to do as they please with.
As for you using a voucher previously. Your voucher, your money to do as you please with.

Question OP. When/if you buy someone a present do you do it as a thoughtful gesture, or are you expecting it to be automatically reciprocated.
I think I know the answer to that one. 😀😀

Why else would they suggest you join them?

Because they enjoy each other's company? Isn't that the normal reason for friends to eat a meal out together?

That might be different if they'd said "We've got this voucher shall we have a meal out? ". They didn't, the first time the OP knew they had a voucher was when they paid with it. OP's pissed she used a voucher a while back and they didn't share theirs.

That might be reasons, but we still don't know where hers came from and where theirs came from.

"Our friends asked for the bill to be halved and the voucher taken off theirs ...They had dessert but we did not. They had an extra glass of wine each".

When my share is more, I ask for separate bills and when my share is less (or about the same) I suggest we split the bill. The couple did not consult with OP before telling the waiter to split the bill in half. The couple made the OP pay for part of the couples dinner (for the extra two glasses of wine and desserts). Incredibly obnoxious. Such cheapskates. I would write them off as friends.