Partner won't pay back what he spent

[Covermeinrainsrops]

Partner got a bonus in work this week (8k) he had known about it for a few months and in the meantime he used my credit card to buy some things and told me he'd pay it off in full when he got his bonus. He has bad credit so doesn't have his own cc.

anyway the bonus has came and he won't pay back what he spent he has said he didnt use it all he bloody did and it's clear to see on the transactions he did. We got into a massive argument about this tonight and he's refusing to send me the money to pay it off.

He has a second job so brings in more money than me and when I complain about money being tight he tells me I should get a second job but how can I we have three kids who I am primary carer for he works shifts then on off days he will do this second job. I pay for 80% of the kids things he doesn't realise how fast kids grown out of shoes coats etc.
i hate asking him to pay towards anything as it turns into an argument so I will just pay ot myself. But this credit card bill has now added on at least £100 to my already tight budget to try and get it paid off quickly. I can't even go up to bed right now I am so hurt he has put me in this position.

Yes she would have to sue him for breach of contract but I don't think she has much of a case.

It would be his word against hers and OP says this occurs regularly in their house, she allows him to use her card and he doesn't pay it back. It's a normal set up for them. He will just say they share her card as a family.

I don't know why OP is on here complaining about him when it's her doing it. She knows he won't pay it back but she lets him spend it anyway.

Please speak to Women’s Aid because this is financial abuse as others have said.

Take copies and make sure you have all/any documents relating to finances safely secured somewhere outside the home.

Sorry if I missed it OP but are all the children his?
Also tell him you’ll be deducting what he owes you from the 50/50 rent.
That you’ll not be cheated of what he owes you.

Alternatively start hiding items of his expensive hobby in preparation for selling them to recover your loan.

Who are the women who raise these turds??

LTB - he a very low grade man not worthy of any more of your time or life OP.

Please cancel your CC and get a new one so he can't use it again.

@Covermeinrainsrops your local authority should be able to at least advise on accommodation. Some can help with deposits too.

However hard it is, you MUST leave this man. He is a loser. A subpar specimen that is dragging you down. For yours and your children's sake you must put a stop to it. This cunt will make you ill as well as poor. Good luck! 💐

If the rental agreement is in his name only, don’t pay your portion of the rent and use it to pay his debt. Do this until the debt is paid off. It will affect his already bad credit, not yours. Maybe he will dip into his bonus to cover the rent. Do this until you have paid off his debt and saved up for deposit to move, and then leave this loser.

Obviously long term you need to leave him.

Short term, don't transfer your share of the rent until you get back what you owe.

Take control and stop being so passive.

Stop paying your share of the rent until you get back what he spent on the card.
He's not going to volunteer the money so you'll have to force the issue.

You then have money for deposit, or a good chunk of it

He will just say they share her card as a family.

He can't claim that because he's not on the card. The card shouldn't be shared, I would bet there's something in the T&C saying it is to be used by the cardholder only.

OP has made bad choice after bad choice here. Now she's in debt yet again because she keeps letting her grifter partner use her CC. There's a reason he has bad credit and can't get a card, he doesn't pay his debts. Same thing here. That's the first thing she needs to do is shut down his access to her financials.

@Covermeinrainsrops Did you buy physical items with the credit card? Is there any chance you could return any of them or sell them 2nd hand to help clear some of the credit card debt even if it's not the full amount. If you cancel the holiday would you get any refunded?

First thing I'd do is cancel the holiday. Or even better, cancel HIS ticket and you go with your children, especially if you would lose money by cancelling for all of you.

I wouldn't go anywhere with him. You will be expected to pay for everything again and be trapped in the company of a monster also. No, think it through and decide what to do about the trip.

I do like the idea of selling the items he bought with your credit
tell him you need to recoup costs

Stop giving him money towards rent until credit card is paid.

Speak to a domestic abuse charity about financial abuse, safety planning and an exit strategy.

Stop allowing men to take advantage of you, you and your children deserve better.

I would stop him using your credit card for a start.

Call this what it is: financial abuse.

Put in writing what he owes you along with the interest and fees being charged. Make it explicit that delays in repayment cause his bill to increase.

He has made it clear he is unlikely to repay you, but put it in black and white so he can’t argue later.

This is not only financial abuse, it's also one of the elements of coercive control. Look up Ruth Dodsworth's account on the BBC News site of how her ex-husband behaved - limiting your access to your own money, using you because he can't get credit etc are all pointers. He's running up debt in your name and you honestly can't go on like this, although I do understand that you might feel pretty helpless. It might seem bad now but the worry is that it will get worse - it sounds a bit like he's either gambling on your ability to support him, or he just can't control his spending. Please do try to get some advice and help before it gets worse.

Sorry OP this is dealbreaker stuff. If he cant pay you back how can you move on from this ? Hes taking the p out of you. You're always going to resent him if you let him get away with it.

No man in the world would dare call me the c word without the door hitting him hard on the way out.

Why are you putting up with this OP? You and your children deserve better.

He got a 8k bonus and won’t pay of his debt or share a penny with you!? Yeh sack him straight off!

You are financially and mentally better off without his loser, he is a millstone around your neck and can apparently sleep at night knowing he is making your life harder and your children will most likely go without because of his actions.

If my husband dropped the C bomb on me, in combination with refusing to pay back money he owed me, that would be it. You deserve better. He’s spoken to you and is treating you in a very horrible way.

What a gaslighting liar. Claiming he never used it. I would tell him this is serious and denying factual information about spending other people's money is a fucking deal breaker.

He must be appallingly irresponsible to not be allowed any Credit whatsoever while earning bonuses and having two regular jobs.

If you read what she said the home is only in his name
Her name is not on the tenancy
She won't be responsible for any of it only him

And if he spent it on "things" id return them to pay the card

Your partner is financially abusing you. He is hoarding an £8k bonus and a second income, while actively draining your limited money and leaving you with the debt. By doing this, he is quite literally stealing financial security from you and all your children. It is selfish, cruel, and completely calculated.
You cannot argue or reason with someone who has no conscience about financially drowning the mother of his children. Stop asking, stop begging, and stop trying to make him understand. He understands perfectly; he just doesn't care.
This is standard LTB (Leave The Bastard) territory. Lock down your money, protect yourself and your children and no more subsidising him. You're being exploited. Plan your exit, you can do this.