To wish my dh understood why I would like him to make an effort more with his clothes? Or explain it to me ?

[Boomboomi]

When I met dh many moons ago , he dressed very well , on a limited income.
Fast forward , he does not make an effort with his clothes .When I do - most of the time - he says I look pretty etc.

Being a very visual person … I love clothes, colours, shapes .

He says that it is simply not important to him .
ive asked him over the years to ger a few bits - it does not register in his priorities.. tho he does know how important it feels to me.
He could look good v easily on a minimal effort.

as he knows its important to me - i do wonder if its resistance - as he could do it if he wanted to on a small amount of money. He has spent 3k on a bike .

whilst i recognise we are people with different priorities- totally fine - i cant understand why he declines to invest just a small amount of his energy and money into something that he knows is important to me ?
like for eg our son in law wears lovely aftershave - as he likes to smell and look good for himself and others - wereas dh - feels no social pleasure in doing similar
it feels to me that he feels these socilatal norms - to me - dont apply - my family always liked to look smart and i dont get it . Help !

Men who want their partners to dress a certain way even when the partner doesn’t want to are called controlling on here…

How would you feel if the situation was reversed and he was going on and on at you about how you dressed?

Yes this is quite controlling. Let him dress how he likes - as long as it’s appropriate and he isn’t going around naked it’s really up to him. If it was important to him that you dyed your hair red, even if you didn’t want to, would you be happy? Same thing!

Could you not buy clothes for your Dh if he’s not bothered and you are?

I do the clothes shopping for the whole family.

I think most people manage it by buying clothes for birthdays/Christmas etc and ensure plenty of women (their sisters/friends) tell him he looks "great", "very dapper", "scrubs up well etc".

well we need context.

clean, ironed / creased free but basic - jeans, t shirt etc. bog standard haircut but clean.

Vs

walkes around in the same stuff for several days, holes, stains that won't wash out. badly fitted joggers and vests. hair greasy or overgrown.

Kinda surprised at the answers thus far. OP do you want him to dress like a fashion forward style icon or make basic effort to look well? Very few of us are attracted to people who wear ill-fitting, dull clothes.

OP doesn't say he looks bedraggled or dirty or badly dressed though, just that he doesn't seem to dress according to her preferences.

I do not mean to be controlling.
I just felt want would it cost to do something i really value. . Some people like flowers, gifts —- it feels just a version of that - ir something i enjoy / appreciate .

Do you do things that he values but you don't?

cheddarcheeseontoast Always clean - just as boring to my eye .
lack of self expression or interest - looks dull as you mentioned -

Does he hate the act of shopping? Or does he have nice clothes and refuse to wear them?

My DH was/is very similar. Scruffy and couldn't be bothered. As an example I once sent him out to buy new work shoes and he came home with a pair from clarkes- from the old man section that my 93 yo GF wouldn't wear and were a size too small, but apparently were cheap!
They were actually expensive as he wore them once and hobbled round the office all day.

Style and looking good is important to me - obviously im going to be called shallow and boring on here now. But its a hobby and I enjoy it.

Ive started mostly shopping for DH. I have his measurements written down. And the measurements of his best fitting shirts, tshirts, jeans etc and keep a tape measure in my bag when shopping.
I get a lot of stuff for us both in charity shops in posher areas.

When he is getting ready I will help him "style" an outfit. He is also genuinely colour blind so can come up with some interesting combinations. Then he remembers the good looking outfits.

Slowly I've talked him into cooler shoes, more modern trainers. A few accessories.

Aftershave, cleanser, hair gel etc and sunscreen are all left out in his way so he has to move them to get ready to he now uses them.

I (modest me) do have an edge on his fashion sense but he is now backing me up rather than looking like a completely odd couple.

Again I think I will get roasted for this but I dont care - I will use every trick in the book to get DH to put in some effort
I love him for his personality, kindness, we have genuine love. But he is senior when he isn't wearing grey tracksuit bottoms and a shit ton of old rugby shirts.

tiramisugelato
yes

sorry but this doesn't work for looks. for special occasions, yes you can ask him. but expecting him to dress up every day to please you is unreasonable

He's just not interested in clothes - lots of people aren't.

Struggling to empathise with why it matters to you so much, but clearly it does ....

Would you find him more attractive if he dressed differently? Are you struggling to connect sexually/romantically, and you feel this would help?

Provided he’s clean, tidy and not flashing his genitals at people, why can’t you just leave him be?
Clothes aren’t important to him. Why does him dressing ‘nicely’ make any difference to you, unless it’s a special occasion?

But is that because you choose to, or because he's pressuring you?

I get you.

My husband has never been interested in fashion and I liked him for that.
But he was always clean and looked acceptable for most everyday scenarios.

No sense of ‘style’ but I never commented negatively on that.
Only once suggested, one memorable time, that suede Chelsea boots, with pulled up socks and cotton jersey shorts wasn’t the best look!!

In the last 2 years he only ever wears joggers.
They are often (usually) grimy with mud or food stains on them. Same for hoodie jumpers or t-shirts.
They are all old, with baggy knees and just look awful!

The other day we were passing a place he’d always wanted to take me to (it’s not local) but he was so disheveled, he said he’d like to pop in for a drink, but it wouldn’t be appropriate so we just drove past.

He dresses smartly for work.

I am not interested in fashion, but when we are outside the house together I am always clean and tidy.

I’ve told him how I feel and suggested chinos or cords, or even soft elasticated waist trousers available from the supermarket clothes section that are comfortable but not as awful looking as the joggers and he won’t wear them, even when I got him a pair. He is 50.

His dad was similar. Always in filthy dirty clothes covered in weeks worth of old food stains. Pretty disgusting to see.

Ah sorry then OP. Changing my answer. Not all of us express self through style. If he's presentable societally (clothes fit, clean, smell good) then he's meeting his obligations IMO. It sounds as though you're asking him to dress himself in a way that matches your individuality rather than his - which rather defeats the purpose of style as self expression .

My late OH was similar, he dressed for comfort only and didn't really care much how he looked.

He offered once that next time he went clothes shopping, he'd pick out a large selection of things he would be happy to wear personally, and I could go through his picks and choose the items I thought looked best on him and he would buy and wear those.

That way he got to wear what he wanted all the time while it was all stuff I liked. This only works if there is some overlap in the things you both like though - if you want exact opposites then it won't work and you'll just have to put up with it.

modest me) do have an edge on his fashion sense but he is now backing me up rather than looking like a completely odd couple.

thats what i feel like - i feel i make an effort to and he likes it , but he does .
for eg when we fo out he just wears jeans n t and i feel a bit odd couple wearing a dress etc

You sound very shallow.

seei think op is being unfair, but barring mental health or medical issues, yours would be a deal breaker for me.

He sounds like he dresses totally normally - he's clean and wears jeans and t-shirts? What are you expecting, exactly?

I live in leggings and hoodies and I would be really pissed if my DH told me I had to change to suit him. I dress for my own comfort - not for anyone else.

is your dress ott for the situation tho? like are we talking just a normal pretty dress or a fancy ball gown to pop out to the local pub