To wish my dh understood why I would like him to make an effort more with his clothes? Or explain it to me ?

[Boomboomi]

When I met dh many moons ago , he dressed very well , on a limited income.
Fast forward , he does not make an effort with his clothes .When I do - most of the time - he says I look pretty etc.

Being a very visual person … I love clothes, colours, shapes .

He says that it is simply not important to him .
ive asked him over the years to ger a few bits - it does not register in his priorities.. tho he does know how important it feels to me.
He could look good v easily on a minimal effort.

as he knows its important to me - i do wonder if its resistance - as he could do it if he wanted to on a small amount of money. He has spent 3k on a bike .

whilst i recognise we are people with different priorities- totally fine - i cant understand why he declines to invest just a small amount of his energy and money into something that he knows is important to me ?
like for eg our son in law wears lovely aftershave - as he likes to smell and look good for himself and others - wereas dh - feels no social pleasure in doing similar
it feels to me that he feels these socilatal norms - to me - dont apply - my family always liked to look smart and i dont get it . Help !

I’m not interested in fashion and much prefer to be comfortable. I would not appreciate my husband telling me I needed to buy and wear different clothes. I also can’t imagine having any input in what he wears, being that he is a grown man who can wear what he likes!

Ok - when we first met he made and effort. I still do .
i guess i feel he has stopped .

Why do you keep comparing him to other men?

Who said he wants his partner to dress up? Maybe he doesn't care

I agree.

i cant really just go and by clothes for him - exept for his t shirts and two jumpers- he only buys from charity shops.

...woosh!

He says it's not important to him, it's his choice.

I think a lot of people dress up more when they are younger but as you age and mature people realise its not really important, there's no one you need to impress and there is more important things to think about.
It's fine if you still dress up as part of your personality/as a hobby but if it isn't as deeply important to him he's not going to carry it on as he get older.

Yes, I insist on a certain level of smartness for eg son’s graduation, niece’s wedding, but nothing else.

So? Have you been banned from your local charity shop or something?

Ok I get that many of you dont get it . I just wish x2 a year he would buy some clothes that ( other tban t shirts ) are not from the charity shop. Its shallow many of you are saying to enjoy seeing someone who takes pride and expression in their appearance.

It really is all about you!

You just sound very self-centred - why isn't it more important to you that your DH is happy and comfortable?

I get it totally. I like to look at nice things too. Gardens, pretty flowers and architecture. Colours and surroundings can change my mood. I’m really really picky about cars, i can’t stand some types of wheels or lights. Can’t watch a film or series if the couples don’t look right together either. Maybe hide the clothes you hate ( i’ve done it a few times) I would happily get rid of an item of clothing too if i was told it didn’t suit me or look frumpy etc .

I grew up with my mum saying she couldn’t leave the house looking a mess incase she bumped into someone she knew and they thought she’d let herself go 🤣 Still looks amazing at 71

tiramisugelato
thinking about it , yes , I need to engage with the fact he is comfortable.
I also would find him more attractive if he dressed a teeny bit differently- and i am sure the would , underneath like that too .!
i will let go of it .

And again ALL about you. He gets a brief mention, then it all about your art. Your live if fabric, your....
he's his own person!

maybe he needs to find someone who loves him for HIM. Not a clothes horse!

Agreed! One of my friend’s husband says he wishes she dressed ‘nicer’ when they honour. She wears jeans, nice top etc. We all think he is an arse - she isn’t an extension of him

I don’t think OP would lower herself to a charity shop - not arty enough I imagine

ymemanresu · Today 18:58
I get it totally

As regards your mum - mine too - both my mum and dad liked to look ‘ smart’ as they called it .
My dad wore a jumper and shirt all his life - its just the modern equivalent - making a small effort- to me .
but it seems to value that is shallow .

I don’t think OP would lower herself to a charity shop - not arty enoug

of course I do . Rubbish .

DD2 said to me once, when we were at a café, people watching, “Have you noticed, when you see heterosexual couples out, either shopping or out for lunch, the woman has always made an effort with what she wears - a dress, nice shoes, or jeans and boots and a pretty top, and 95% of the time the man always looks like he has just pulled on something he got off the floor? Like jeans that are old and a grubby tee shirt or hideous shorts and a polo shirt?” So I looked, and she was right.

get it totally. I like to look at nice things too. Gardens, pretty flowers and architecture. Colours and surroundings can change my mood. I’m really really picky about cars, i can’t stand some types of wheels or lights. Can’t watch a film or series if the couples don’t look right together either. Maybe hide the clothes you hate ( i’ve done it a few times) I would happily get rid of an item of clothing too if i was told it didn’t suit me or look frumpy etc .

Know I need to
let it go , but thanks to this poster who understands the way it can feel .

I said that because you said you couldn’t get him clothes as he shops in them. I didn’t imagine that charity shops and their displays fits your aesthetic

What does he wear, and what would you prefer? It's not at all clear what you're talking about.

If he's an old jeans & logo t-shirt man, whom you want to dress in Yamamoto suits, that's one thing. If you simply mean newer jeans & t-shirt, different issue.