To wish my dh understood why I would like him to make an effort more with his clothes? Or explain it to me ?

[Boomboomi]

When I met dh many moons ago , he dressed very well , on a limited income.
Fast forward , he does not make an effort with his clothes .When I do - most of the time - he says I look pretty etc.

Being a very visual person … I love clothes, colours, shapes .

He says that it is simply not important to him .
ive asked him over the years to ger a few bits - it does not register in his priorities.. tho he does know how important it feels to me.
He could look good v easily on a minimal effort.

as he knows its important to me - i do wonder if its resistance - as he could do it if he wanted to on a small amount of money. He has spent 3k on a bike .

whilst i recognise we are people with different priorities- totally fine - i cant understand why he declines to invest just a small amount of his energy and money into something that he knows is important to me ?
like for eg our son in law wears lovely aftershave - as he likes to smell and look good for himself and others - wereas dh - feels no social pleasure in doing similar
it feels to me that he feels these socilatal norms - to me - dont apply - my family always liked to look smart and i dont get it . Help !

OP hasn't; but people on this thread are recommending similar - and it's a common trope to 'accidentally shrink' or just bin his clothes, if you don't like them.

Other than vocalising his thoughts - especially if she's wearing dirty clothes, I think the opposite scenario including going out shopping 'for' her that you suggest would indeed be seen as controlling and unacceptable by most people. In fact, it's a common thing for controlling men to do: to start telling their wives what to wear and insisting on buying her clothes himself, as he supposedly has a much better idea of what she should wear than she does herself.

Yes, but you’ve changed the scenario from asking to telling!
ASKING someone if you want an article of clothing is one thing, and probably being generous.
TELLING someone to wear something is obviously controlling! No one would argue about that.

But so many posters are making that leap and accusing OP of being controlling when she’s just thinking she wishes he did something different and she’s not doing any ordering around. 🤕

Rather than hurt his feelings I’ve just made a few t shirts and a pair of trousers disappear other the last few years. Hardly abusive.

Some posters are banging on about OP’s husband like he doesn’t bathe, wears grimly, stained, holey clothes and smells like sweaty feet. SHE said the issue isn’t about that. He’s clean, his clothes are clean and in tact. She just finds them too casual and boring. She wants him to want to spruce up a bit. To be more aware of men’s fashion. Because fashion is important to her. If they attend a wedding or plan ahead to go to a fancy restaurant, he should make an effort. Other than that, if he doesn’t look homeless, he should be able to dress as he pleases without his wife trying to manipulate him and change him. I doubt she’d be fine with him trying to change HER.

Yeah. You try looking for your favourite, comfiest shirt to find it’s been thrown away because someone who is supposed to care for you binned it.

one of the things my mother did “for my own good” because she wanted me to dress girly and didn’t like black. Bought out of my own money.

it’s controlling