To wish my dh understood why I would like him to make an effort more with his clothes? Or explain it to me ?

[Boomboomi]

When I met dh many moons ago , he dressed very well , on a limited income.
Fast forward , he does not make an effort with his clothes .When I do - most of the time - he says I look pretty etc.

Being a very visual person … I love clothes, colours, shapes .

He says that it is simply not important to him .
ive asked him over the years to ger a few bits - it does not register in his priorities.. tho he does know how important it feels to me.
He could look good v easily on a minimal effort.

as he knows its important to me - i do wonder if its resistance - as he could do it if he wanted to on a small amount of money. He has spent 3k on a bike .

whilst i recognise we are people with different priorities- totally fine - i cant understand why he declines to invest just a small amount of his energy and money into something that he knows is important to me ?
like for eg our son in law wears lovely aftershave - as he likes to smell and look good for himself and others - wereas dh - feels no social pleasure in doing similar
it feels to me that he feels these socilatal norms - to me - dont apply - my family always liked to look smart and i dont get it . Help !

Livpool
I understand - yes we both shop in charity shops . But because he shops very very almost exclusively from them , exept his t shirts from Sainsburys, it limits what he buys as he does not go in shops . Therefore a nice jacket or something that may really suit him , he never actually sees.

Controlling & self centred behaviour. Bet your a right laugh.

Can't believe the votes so far! Mental. You said he used to make the effort and now doesn't. That's an important distinction between your request being controlling and just asking him to not be so complacent now you've been together so long.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't think I was worth making any effort for. More importantly, you need to be matched in your efforts, so if you're still trying and he isn't, that's not ideal. Well worth a conversation and then deciding what you want to do about it. Maybe you just don't accompany him if he hasn't made an effort. He'll soon get sick of socialising alone. Or stop making the effort yourself and see if he cares. Stop shaving. That will have an impact. Or just hide all his clothes so he has to buy more. Jokes.

Has he put on weight? Does he have any body confidence issues he hasn't recognised or talked about? Maybe a male friend or family member could talk to him instead. Give him some perspective so he doesn't feel 'nagged'.

It's just not up to you. I like a man who smells nice, I love a good aftershave subtly applied, but DH doesn't like to wear it. That's his choice. He smells clean and showers daily and uses deodorant. I have to accept that scent isn't his thing.

Ha that's me. My DH puts in way more effort. I just don't unless it's a special occasion. To me it's a chore to him it's a pleasure. He's also much more worried about how He's perceived by others which I stopped caring about in my thirties (we're late forties).

What if he told you he doesn't like your style and wish you were more laidback? Wouldn't like that would you? When you love someone you just have to accept that the other person is not you. If you are too superficial to do this then set him free- he sounds like a Guy to my taste and I'm sure he will find someone who loves him the way he is.

You are not controlling in the least - you want him to look his best. He is not bothered. Just leave him to it. Spend the money you would have otherwise spent on him, on your own clothes, shoes, etc. and derive pleasure from those visuals.

he's an old jeans & logo t-shirt man, whom you want to dress in Yamamoto suits, that's one thing. If you simply mean newer jeans & t-shirt, different issue.

i never dream of designer stuff at all ! I dont know who that is anyway 😄
its simply
not get 99% of stuff from charity shop
get something new occasionally
sometimes consider how an outfit look s or / and wear an aftershave .
His only bought clothes are sainburys t shirts or long sleeves
. I bought him x 2 nice jumpers.
charity shops are fabulous- its just id like him to wear something new - as its harder to get some things in charity shops sometimes.
He would look fab .

But if the roles were reversed, a man on here that doesn’t like how his wife dresses and wants to buy clothes he wants her to wear, my god he’d be absolutely slaughtered on here!!
just accept him for who he is or go and find someone else who’s style you like.

Gosh what a superficial way to view your life partner

Most of us like art but we admire it from willing artists in exhibitions rather than expect other humans to be our free entertainment. We see humans as whole beings and focus on their personality rather than how they look.
Go and watch some fashion shows if you want to appreciate art through fashion. Although I suspect you are just shallow and hiding it behind a love of art.

Feis123 · Today 19:15
You are not controlling in the least - you want him to look his best. He is not bothered. Just leave him to it. Spend the money you would have otherwise spent on him, on your own clothes, shoes, etc. and derive pleasure from those visual

ha ha - if I do will I then be selfish tho ?!!
He happily buys me a dress.
He has told me that he can be stubborn and i do suspect that this may be part of it . He has some very good biking and practical gear for work ( tool belt and trousers) s 😄

want to appreciate art through fashion. Although I suspect you are just shallow and hiding it behind a love of art.

thats just nasty- read the comments from someone on here who is also very visual - who gets it and likes it looking at nice flowers etc .
I am
not shallow - I simply really appreciate some things - just as others do .

I think if you’re going out, fair enough; you make an effort and you want him to look smart too. But if you’re talking about everyday clothes, you’re effectively asking him to dress to suit you rather than for his own comfort.
If a a man was on here complaining about his wife wearing jeans and t shirts rather than pretty dresses, he’d get a bollocking, and rightly so. The only thing I can think to suggest is that you compromise by finding a middle ground, even if that’s just smarter jeans and t shirts. Either offer to go shopping with him or buy some bits yourself, but I don’t think you can expect him to do a complete 180 if it’s just not something he’s interested in.

I'm with OP on this 😀 Most men my age (and below) have given up on dressing well - dark fleece, jeans, :walking trainers', and that's about it. Don't even get me started on men who want their wives to choose their clothes!
Come on fellas, put a bit of effort in 🙂

Loads of men hate shopping and can’t be bothered choosing clothes or planning outfits. Just buy him nice clothes to wear for occasions. And he can wear his loungewear /whatever he wants the rest of the time.

Yanbu.
He no longer makes an effort and you regret no longer finding him as attractive because of it.
It is not unreasonable to wish that he would make the effort to be attractive to you as he once did.

What a depressing and superficial thread.
I look at my partner, whom I love, and fancy him in whatever he has on. I think he looks great in his comfies. Sometimes he (playfully) insists I get changed out of my smarter clothes and put my comfies on too. I’d hate to be in a relationship like yours OP.

InterestedDad37
Pinkflamingo10

yes but his stuff is 99% from charity shops - therefore i cant really shop for him and when his shopping is limited to this only - he is v restricted to colours and styles - as its harder to get variety and is not supplemented by any odd dashes to next or m and s .
much of his stuff is ‘ ok ‘ and i support charity shops- but a nice fresh outfit would be great sometimes especially as some of the stuff is a little tired .
Id love it if he bought a new pair of jeans from m and s and a shirt for example - just occasionally.

karinahh · Today 19:28
Yanbu.
He no longer makes an effort and you regret no longer finding him as attractive because of it.
It is not unreasonable to wish that he would make the effort to be attractive to you as he once did.

yep ! But apparently that is wrong of me . Oh well .

When my DH finds an item of clothing he likes he often buys two because he dislikes clothes shopping and thinks this will delay having to do it again. Can you not go shopping with your DH and see if you can find stuff to satisfy you both, even in charity shops? Or, if he doesn't much enjoy shopping, buy more clothes for him? Give him aftershave as gifts if you want him to wear it (or buy him fancier toiletries with scents you both like).

All those who think its superficial

id just like him to v v occasionally buy brand new to him clothes amd spend 20 mins in m and s or on line . To make an effort — and just have the occasional new , not nearly 100% charity shops clothes , that in this proportion, limit his options.
Those of you who dont get it - I bet you enjoy your house looking nice ? id just like him to make the best of himself - just sometimes buy putting a small amount of effort in maybe once a year ..

OK, then you're not asking for much at all. You'd simply like to see him in clothes that look a bit fresher?

You're going to have to do some very focused charity-shop shopping, then 😄
As well as the physical shops getting new stuff in from time to time, the larger charities have Ebay shops where they sell brand-name surplus stock (I got both my leather jackets from the British Heart Foundation one).

When my DH finds an item of clothing he likes he often buys two because he dislikes clothes shopping and thinks this will delay having to do it again. Can you not go shopping with your DH and see if you can find stuff to satisfy you both, even in charity shops? Or, if he doesn't much enjoy shopping, buy more clothes for him? Give him aftershave as gifts if you want him to wear it (or buy him fancier toiletries with scents you both like).

Good idea re going to charity shops with him . As for other shops - he does not go accept Sainsbury’s for t shirts, and socks and b and m for undies .
He wont wear after shave - but a nice natural soap with a smell - yes he would use .

OP you need to learn to quote, your posts are very confusing. Just literally click quote.

I don't think it's superficial at all.

I make an effort when we go out for dinner etc I expect my husband to do the same. It's not hard.

My ex-husband was a complete dullard when it came to clothes. Would grab the first baggy pair of jeans or cheap tshirt and that was enough. It's not about having designer clothes, it's about looking like you care enough to make an effort.