Who gets the compensation?

[LottyLollipop]

Genuinely interested to see peoples opinions on this one....

I am the higher earner and unfortunately feel stuck in a bit of an expectation that if we go anywhere, I pay.
We recently went on holiday (myself, my OH and my 7 year old DD) and our direct flights out there were cancelled the night before and we were rebooked onto a new flight that involved a stop in the middle. Our connecting flight was substantially delayed but we got there eventually and ended up having an amazing time.

I paid for the flights, hire car, accommodation, all food and souvenirs etc. OH didn't even pay for a coffee.

I looked into getting compensation for the delay/cancellation and we were told that we were entitled to it but that I had to issue all the passengers bank details. We have since been paid some compensation, mine and our daughters came to me and my OH's went straight to his bank.

My thoughts were that as I paid for everything, that I should have the compensation which would go towards our next outing. My OH says that the compensation is for the annoyance factor of having to wait around and therefore he is entitled to his money and was therefore going to use it on sorting his car out.

What are your thoughts?

Perhaps the best way forward is to work out how much the food shop, takeaways, extracurriculars, family days out etc cost and add that to your monthly bills/mortgage cost. This would then mean it is all proportioned. You can then both save for potential holidays in a joint savings account.

I understand the memory making. My DD and I go away a lot more as a two than we do as a family due to circumstances and my DP not having holidays as his priority financially. It works for us all and the trips have a totally different dynamic when I go solo with her, which I love.

Your post reminds me of another recent one where the partner wanted OP to pay more on something. She stepped back, looked at all the financials and the partners overall monthly cost increased as a result due to all the little bits here and there that she covered

TBH if he genuinely thought he deserved it then he should have made the effort to claim. It doesn’t seem fair at all that you paid for the flights, did all the admin to get the compensation and he gets the benefit.

How is house ownership set up, bearing in mind you are not married?

He’s a CF. You paid so the compensation should go to you. Also, like you said , it’s going towards the next family holiday anyway! He seems to be what’s yours is his and what’s his is his? Would also give me major Ick….

If you paid for everything should go to you . But I would nip that I the bud by not paying for his part ever again !

DH earns 2.5 times what I do - I only worked very part time when the kids were little, had 3 x 1 year maternity leaves etc, then as they got older increased my hours so now I work full time. However we have always had completely joint finances - into the same account and always seen it that all money is the families. DH sees that I contribute in others ways than financial and it was a decision we made together. We just spend what we need and always ensure that bills, and what the kids need is sorted first.

I suppose you could technically say DH payus for the holidays as my wages go towards half of the bills and other outgoings but any compensation would just go back into the communal pot. Actually a couple of years back we got quite a big refund from a trip we took and we put it towards a short break for the family.

He is a shameless parasite.
Why would you want to be the 'OH' of this excuse of a man.
Set yourself free.

So you paid for everything as well as the additional unexpected cost and he thinks the refunded money is just for him? Wow he is entitled isn’t he - entitled & lacking in appreciation / respect for you. Is he really a good role model for your dd on what to expect from a relationship?

He thinks the money is his. Oķ.
First he pays you back what he owes you for his previous car repairs.
In future you will not bail him out.
You have a good look at finances. Anything for dd comes out the joint/household budget. He will have to contribute more for this adjustment.
Future holidays - I am taking dd here in the summer. If you want to join us your share will be £x (his ticket plus half dd's). And save spending money as I am not continually subsidising you again. Those moths in your wallet need some air.

You can also end the relationship & claim cms from him.

Are you happily married? Doesn't matter- chuck it all in the same pot.
Is the guy a freeloader- well why are you letting him treat you like an ATM?
In insurance there's a rule, that the compensation never exceeds what you originally paid. If he's a freeloader, I'd follow this rule.

It would piss me off that your money is family money spent on family stuff and his money is his money to spend on whatever he wants. If he would put it towards the next holiday, or if you earn so much that it's peanuts to you then I think fair enough. But if he is going to use it as fun money when you work really hard and actually most of your free cash goes on family then that's not fair

Your OH has shown you who he is. Cut your losses and be safe in the knowledge this meagre amount was all it took for him to show his selfish personality. Spend money on your DD and drop this loser - surely you can do better!

The compensation is for the passenger as the person inconvenienced, so yabu there. However you've hit on about the only part of this financial arrangement where you'd be in the wrong to expect him to step up. It should go to him and he should choose to use it as part of a more equitable financial arrangement overall!

There are a lot of people on here questioning me for being “financially controlling” for not having fully joint finances. I take on board what you’re saying but that wasn’t really the purpose of the thread.

He is absolutely right in that compensation is for the inconvenience. However it just doesn’t sit well at all with me that he would rather keep the money for himself rather than put it towards the next family event, especially as he didn’t contribute. It has completely given me the ick and I wanted to know if I was right in feeling that way before doing anything about it

Thank you again for all your responses

DH earns significantly less than me and I pay the vast bulk our expenses (albeit via a jint account whre the vast bulk of our respective money goes). If he gets a little windfall for some reason, the very first instinct he has is how to contribute to the family .....

I think in your case, the fact that he contributes less overall than his relative income, makes this kind of grabbiness particularly unpleasant.

What does he do with his disposable income, how much does he have each month?

@LottyLollipop following many of the suggestions on this thread have you thought about increasing the items that are included in the joint pot, so your partner contributes towards holidays etc.

You are right he has used an inconvenience of a family trip to pocket cash for purely his own gain.

That isn’t very family thoughtful of him at all. Very ick inducing. His first thought wasn’t cool we can put this towards a trip, day out or nice meal.

It was cool I’ve got cash!!

Very much not a team player.

He is massively taking the piss. What a knob.

😂😂

At various times in our partnership OH earned more and sometimes I did. Even now our pensions aren’t the same but our money has always been ‘our’ money.

Our relationship hasn’t been transactional and neither of us have ever felt the need to express or receive ‘gratitude’ for being the higher earner.

I wonder what the response would be if a bloke came here and said he wanted his partner to express gratitude for him earning more.

To me, it seems a bit odd you’ve only started having these feelings after 18 years. Maybe he feels you control ‘your’ ands/or ‘the family’ money and the only chance he might have to spend some money on his car was his compensation.

Perhaps sitting down and discussing family finances would help ?

Use this as the opener for a wider conversation about money on your relationship and how you are feeling. His response will tell you what you need to know. If he is not willing to look overall at making sure expenditure is fair for both of you, you will know he knows he is taking advantage. You can choose how to react to that.

I pray to God none of these men find me 🙏🏾.

He's financially abusing you. What a bastard.

Not sure I'd be putting up with that shit tbh.

Well the OP was inconvenienced by having to foot the entire costs of the unplanned additional stop, for her OH as well as for herself and DD, so the compensation should come to her then.