Who gets the compensation?

[LottyLollipop]

Genuinely interested to see peoples opinions on this one....

I am the higher earner and unfortunately feel stuck in a bit of an expectation that if we go anywhere, I pay.
We recently went on holiday (myself, my OH and my 7 year old DD) and our direct flights out there were cancelled the night before and we were rebooked onto a new flight that involved a stop in the middle. Our connecting flight was substantially delayed but we got there eventually and ended up having an amazing time.

I paid for the flights, hire car, accommodation, all food and souvenirs etc. OH didn't even pay for a coffee.

I looked into getting compensation for the delay/cancellation and we were told that we were entitled to it but that I had to issue all the passengers bank details. We have since been paid some compensation, mine and our daughters came to me and my OH's went straight to his bank.

My thoughts were that as I paid for everything, that I should have the compensation which would go towards our next outing. My OH says that the compensation is for the annoyance factor of having to wait around and therefore he is entitled to his money and was therefore going to use it on sorting his car out.

What are your thoughts?

This.
Why do women put up with this shite? I would have said something long before now. Seems we're so keen to not portray ourselves as "gold diggers" that it's gone too far the other way.

You are living with a free-loading, selfish bastard. Why?

My guess is that he'll propose to you if you kick off about this. It'll be his way of making sure your finances are tied.

Is your dd his? You say your dd not our dd.

if you are a family who lives together, then id sort of see money as family pot. And id also see cars needed for work as a family expense, so spare money coming in would be handy to spend on getting a car fixed.

If you aren’t a family unit, this is just a boyfriend, then perhaps you should consider this a time to rethink.

What an absolute scrounger. Embarrassing for him. I would shame him into giving it to you!

That he would even consider keeping the compensation points to much bigger issues here.

Next time, if there has to be one, tell him he can pay for his own ticket, as he has been refunded the ticket fare
Fucking hell.

This! OP, this man is using you terribly, and showing you absolutely no respect.

He's basically a paid companion for you. You deserve better!

How much difference in earnings? Is he long term partner, dad of DC?

We are married so it would just have gone into joint pot, as would cost of the holiday in the first place. Big discrepancy in earnings in this house

Does he pay for anything? Not even a coffee is awful

Next time leave him at home or tell him to pay his own way. Is your dd his?

He's a greedy & selfish MF and I'd stop his gravy train IMMEDIATELY. He'll ask. Tell him he can pay for his coffee (meal, train ticket, cinema ticket etc) out of his compensation.

He gets an entirely free holiday but expects to be compensated for having a bit of a delay, on the free holiday.

He should be seeing the money as a means to pay you back some of what he wasn't able (or wasn't willing?) to contribute in the first place and handing it straight over.

Dump him, he's taking you for granted and rubbing your face in it.

Let him have the compensation but make it clear that from now on he pays for himself or he stays home

Any thoughts on the replies so far OP?

I suppose he's right that the compensation is for incovienence, but you don't get compensated for inconvenience for things you haven't paid for. If for example you went for a free attraction that closed earlier than advertised, noone is going to compensate you.

Why do you live like this? I can understand the difficulty when there's an income gap, you either need to pay more than your share or live to his lifestyle, but everything?

Isn't he embarrassed?

I voted YABU because you are allowing this man to take the piss out of you.

Genuine question, how do you get to be a 'high earner' whilst being the type of person that allows the piss to be took out of you? I always expect a high earner to have confidence and be able to see right from wrong?

Technically he is right.

Morally I think he's appallingly grabby. Enjoys a free holiday at your expense. Letting you have his share of the compensation would be a nice appreciative gesture and a small contribution towards the overall costs. I would not be taking him on any more nice holidays, fuck that.

We have a similar-ish arrangement in that I'm the higher earner. Our main holiday comes out of our joint account but I will pay for a couple of extra short trips. But my other half does appreciate it, pays for some meals and stuff while we are there and drives to the airport/pays for parking. If he took it for granted I would go on my own or just with our daughter.

My thoughts are that you have saddled yourself with a freeloader. Surely you know you can do better.

In principle I agree it is for the inconvenience. But given your context that you pay for everything I would have given it to you!

I think that is right. He’s behaving like a shameless chancer. But I think you and he should have a serious discussion about family finances and contributions.

When I encounter men like this I think they are actually taking money away from your child. I’m not sure if your child is also his but whatever you spend on him could be spent on your child. Or even saved for the child. This partner needs kicking to the curb he is absolutely taking the P!! It’s one thing accepting a free holiday but without doubt the compensation should be offered back to you or put aside for your next trip. The fact he hasn’t offered this tells you everything you need to know about him. Please don’t waste another penny on him.

It's interesting isn't it. I know a few very successful women, who don't put up with any nonsense professionally, but are treated appallingly by their men.

Yeah I think this is a good call, proposal often seems to be the go to fix when pulled up on taking something too far. Like being presented with a ring will make all those grievances disappear and engagement somehow proves they aren't taking you for a ride. When it's just words, you can both walk away anytime and he can try to string an engagement out as long as suits.

Or suggesting trying for a baby, that's another fix solution.

Fucking hell why is the bar so fucking low OP. Your poor daughter is looking at you and thinking this is normal.