Page 12 | Who gets the compensation?

Limehawkmoth · Yesterday 14:54

There are normally different elements of compensation: recovery of costs, loss of income and personal “injury” (which could be viewed as inconvenience)

so it depends what they paid

if it covers elements of recovery of additional costs like extra meals or transport etc that you paid for for both of you, then he should pass that to you . Trying to make him do that (if it’s not been specified individually in payment) is another matter.

if it’s not recovery of costs, but personal “injury”, than nope, you all experienced the hassle of that in your own way and therefore all entitled to that compensation.

and I’m assuming that neither of you lost income.

Functioningdisaster · Yesterday 15:38

My friend had this and she had to get the husband to write a letter so she got the compensation as she paid for the booking.

I think your husband is an absolute arse for taking the money if you had booked it. If he intends to keep it then you shouldn't pay for anymore of his holidays. He can pay you in advance first.

FWIW i pay for the holidays so i get the gripe. But there is no way my husband would keep the compensation money.

Brookiecookie · Yesterday 16:40

As the higher earner, ive paid for most of our last 2 holidays, but even so my husband has bought odd things while we've been away. In that scenario we would put all the refund for all 3 of us towards our next holiday regardless of who paid for what.
He should still pay for his own car, YANBU

SapphireSteel28 · Yesterday 17:10

Oh my Lord-what an unbelievably CF. I couldn’t respect someone like that.

Bikergran · Yesterday 17:50

My thoughts are thst he's a freeloading CF. Next holiday tell him he can pay for himself or he's not going, he can start saving now.

rhinosuze · Yesterday 17:53

He is technically right BUT this has happened to me quite a few times in the last couple of years and I always transfer the money over to my husband (other than the things I might have paid for, like if they’ve refunded us for having to stay in a hotel overnight) for the exact reason you suggested - to go towards the next trip

NotBeforeCoffee · Yesterday 18:08

I dunno but this doesn’t sound like a great partnership

Laura95167 · Yesterday 18:08

That hes a pig. He took a free holiday and now wants the compensation for himself?

Id not be paying for his future holidays

Isthisit22 · Yesterday 18:15

The compensation is definitely yours as you paid for the holiday. Going forward, he should be paying 1/3 of all holiday costs.

independentfriend · Yesterday 18:20

I wonder if you would be better compromising on the cost of trips so they fall into a price range where he can make a meaningful contribution. That would give your daughter a different set of experiences maybe mixed in with some more expensive mum+daughter trips when she's older.

Something seems wrong either with his money management or his income / disposable income. He wants to use 'bonus' money for an essential cost which is much more sensible than getting into debt but leaves the question of why he hasn't got the funds in the first place. Is in he debt? Gambling? Is he 'just' suffering with the cost of living crisis?

MellersSmellers · Yesterday 18:25

He is being completely unreasonable imo.
But also odd that the airline wanted bank details of all passengers - the only time I've had to claim (BA) they automatically processed the compensation to the person who had paid/the original payment method. Would child passengers have bank accounts??
Anyway, on the other matter, most (reasonable) couples who have a salary disparity but don't just have a joint account seem to pay for all joint bills in proportion to their salaries.
SO...let him keep the compensation but bill him for his share of the cost of the holiday. He can't have it both ways!

jessr1990 · Yesterday 18:30

I was initially thinking that if he earns less then he would likely pay less, but that's less, not nothing.

If it wasn't for you paying for the holiday, it sounds like he wouldn't have been there at all, so wouldn't have had any annoyance at anything, and wouldn't have got the great time either.

If he didn't get this compensation, how would he have fixed his car?

Also, is there a big difference in earnings, and what is the split like generally with your earnings, and your household contributing- I mean earnings and also the chores and all the house jobs, childcare etc?

Kag13 · Yesterday 18:58

TheDenimPoet · 18/05/2026 12:58

Ok, so, he is right. The compensation IS for the inconvenience, so yes, it should go to him.

However.

If I hadn't had the money to contribute on holiday, my immediate thought would be "Oh, this is great, now I can give my wife some money back for all the money she spent on the holiday." And then I would send EVERY SINGLE PENNY straight to you.

Legally he is right.

Morally, he is so, so wrong.

I agree that legally he is right, as he has suffered the inconvenience, which is what the compensation is for.
However, whether morally he should keep it is another matter. I tend to agree with the poster above.
MY DH and I have always just treated our earnings as ‘family money’, and during our long marriage both of us at one time or another have been the main earner. It didn’t matter.
When money was tight we used to have a small allowance each month for ‘personal spends’, but all bills, mortgage, food, holidays came out of the family pot.

Wildefish · Yesterday 19:39

LottyLollipop · 18/05/2026 11:25

Genuinely interested to see peoples opinions on this one....

I am the higher earner and unfortunately feel stuck in a bit of an expectation that if we go anywhere, I pay.
We recently went on holiday (myself, my OH and my 7 year old DD) and our direct flights out there were cancelled the night before and we were rebooked onto a new flight that involved a stop in the middle. Our connecting flight was substantially delayed but we got there eventually and ended up having an amazing time.

I paid for the flights, hire car, accommodation, all food and souvenirs etc. OH didn't even pay for a coffee.

I looked into getting compensation for the delay/cancellation and we were told that we were entitled to it but that I had to issue all the passengers bank details. We have since been paid some compensation, mine and our daughters came to me and my OH's went straight to his bank.

My thoughts were that as I paid for everything, that I should have the compensation which would go towards our next outing. My OH says that the compensation is for the annoyance factor of having to wait around and therefore he is entitled to his money and was therefore going to use it on sorting his car out.

What are your thoughts?

Can I ask, compensation aside, do you think he is a good person . Because from what you have said I believe he is taking the piss. Of course it was your money so you should get it back. The fact he is not willing to says a lot about his character.

Middleagedspreadisreal · Yesterday 19:39

Dump him.

BeaLola · Yesterday 19:53

I have only read your opening post but my immediate reaction (besides YANBU) is what a numpty you are with

gostickyourheadinapig · Yesterday 20:04

He should definitely get the car fixed. And start sleeping in it.

Original poster

LottyLollipop · Yesterday 20:06

Thank you for all your posts! Really appreciate your input

Originally the idea was to have a joint account to have our household bills come out of and then whatever was left was ours to do with as we pleased. Fast forward a few years when all the bills were going up, I felt like I didn’t want to put extra burden on him so took the slack on things like childcare costs and extras in general.

Its only really over the past 12 months or so that I’ve noticed the attitude of assuming I’ll cover the cost of things and it’s probably my fault for having facilitated that in the past and perhaps if all of our money was in a joint pot, it wouldn’t be read as such - maybe I need to look into that.
I guess it just didn’t sit right with me that, especially in a situation where he hadn’t contributed, that he would actually gain money and I felt that as it was money that we weren’t expecting to get, that it would be put towards the next family holiday and not really to either of us as such. It definitely didn’t feel like a team player thing to do!

Of course I wouldn’t see him driving in a car that’s not roadworthy (it is) but he only has to pay for his fuel, insurance and upkeep from “his money” which thinking about what he earns and what he pays into the pot, should leave him about £800 a month which I think should be more than enough?!

Either way, we definitely need to sort things out! I’m very much liking the idea of mummy daughter holidays that some of you have suggested!

OP posts:

LouiseK93 · Yesterday 20:12

YANBU.
My best friend got rid of her partner of 10 years over similar behaviour. Not the compo thing, but she paid for every single thing for a 2 week holiday, literally everything he didn't even offer to fill up the car on the way back.
You will tire of this greedy behaviour eventually.

Gymnopedie · Yesterday 20:19

Of course I wouldn’t see him driving in a car that’s not roadworthy (it is) but he only has to pay for his fuel, insurance and upkeep from “his money” which thinking about what he earns and what he pays into the pot, should leave him about £800 a month which I think should be more than enough?!

And how much are you left with a month after you've paid for all the extras? I bet it's short of £800.

And if he has that much then he's an even tighter arse than you suggested. Didn't even put his hand in his pocket for a coffee? It's time for a very serious discussion about who pays for what, and it needs to be about him paying more.

Terfarina · Yesterday 20:48

It sounds like his money is his and yours is for the family. With you paying for holidays, DD's expenses etc I can't imagine you have more disposable money than him.

I think the attitude that you bankroll everything and he nickels and dimes you stinks. It seems sneaky and would make me struggle with trust.

I am also the significantly higher earner so understand how it is. My husband wouldn't dream of expecting me to pay for everything and/or then making money off the holiday. He has too much respect for himself and for me.

Would it be better for you both to put all your earnings into one pot so there's transparency?

Terfarina · Yesterday 20:56

ps - the fact that things have been different over the past year or so would worry me - is he squirreling money away for some reason?

Pessismistic · Yesterday 21:21

Oh op that is more than enough to go halves for holiday and childcare he’s taking the piss out of your generosity definitely review these contributions. He is a tightwad at best.

riceuten · Yesterday 21:30

I that had been me, I would have turned the compensation over to the person who paid for the holiday. I'm not sure I would have the brass neck to keep it for myself

k1233 · Yesterday 21:50

If costs are split 1/3, 2/3 then holidays should be as well. If he can't pay his third, then it's mother and daughter holidays. I'd be cranky too @LottyLollipop as keeping the compensation just seems grabby and a what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine attitude. I'd be trying to get contributions back to a more consistent 1/3, 2/3 if he's going to be like that.