Who gets the compensation?

[LottyLollipop]

Genuinely interested to see peoples opinions on this one....

I am the higher earner and unfortunately feel stuck in a bit of an expectation that if we go anywhere, I pay.
We recently went on holiday (myself, my OH and my 7 year old DD) and our direct flights out there were cancelled the night before and we were rebooked onto a new flight that involved a stop in the middle. Our connecting flight was substantially delayed but we got there eventually and ended up having an amazing time.

I paid for the flights, hire car, accommodation, all food and souvenirs etc. OH didn't even pay for a coffee.

I looked into getting compensation for the delay/cancellation and we were told that we were entitled to it but that I had to issue all the passengers bank details. We have since been paid some compensation, mine and our daughters came to me and my OH's went straight to his bank.

My thoughts were that as I paid for everything, that I should have the compensation which would go towards our next outing. My OH says that the compensation is for the annoyance factor of having to wait around and therefore he is entitled to his money and was therefore going to use it on sorting his car out.

What are your thoughts?

Very good way of viewing it @josa

I don’t know how he had the face to say that. Good grief,

I’d make sure he wasn’t inconvenienced again by leaving him at home next time!

Some people are givers and some are takers.

You're an absolute doormat for this freeloading CF, OP.

Have some dignity and bin him off.

This, tbh.

I voted that you are being unreasonable, but I changed the question in my head to "Am I unreasonable to be in a relationship with this idiot" to which the answer is a resounding yes.

This

Its your money not his. Simple. His inconvenience doesn't need to be compensated. Perhaps if the compensation was in excess of ticket cost fine but no, as he's essentially charging you for his percieved inconvenience, not the airline.

It's hideously unattractive to refuse to give it back too.

So he actually gained money. Excellent.. He can pay his share of the next trip.

Thank you for all of your replies, I really appreciate them and it’s quite eye opening for me to read so many that think I’m a doormat…I feel like one so thank you for the clarification!

To answer some questions, we’ve been together for 18 years and should have said it’s our DD rather than mine.
Our incomes are roughly around 2/3 to 1/3 and therefore we pay that split accordingly into a joint account enough to cover mortgage and bills but everything else has just become expected that I pay including all of our daughters clubs and activities and I’m not exactly sure how it’s happened down the line. I know my career has progressed whilst he has been stuck in jobs with lots of promises that didn’t come to fruition.

I find it really unattractive but he’s not a horrible person and find myself a bit stuck as I don’t want to uproot our DD. On the other hand I’m finding myself resenting him and can’t see how I can carry on long term.

My dad had cancer and my mum died suddenly a few months ago and I think somewhere in my mind, I want to provide as many experiences for our daughter as I can and in order to do that, I have to pay for him too?!
Maybe I should use my compensation for some therapy instead!

And you laughed in his face and dumped him on the spot because your vagina had immediately clamped shut?

LTB

Personally I think the compensation should be paid to whoever has paid for the tickets.
There should not be any need to ask for any other passengers bank details.

Do you have joint finances? From the way you write it, it sounds like what's yours is his and what's his is his.

If it's actually joint and you're just the higher earner then I would say it just goes back to family money.

If you have seperate finances, then it's his for experiencing the delay but he should then give it straight back to you to rebalance how little he contributed in the beginning.

No, you don’t have to pay for him to join you. Next time you book a holiday, only book yourself & DD. When he complains, tell him that he can use his compensation from this trip to fund his portion.

He’s taking the biscuit! Let him know if he wants to come on future outings, they’ll be an equal pot contribution up front. I don’t think my partner realised how much I spent month to month until it went through a joint account - we still keep separate bank accounts and money though.

I think a big part of this is your financial setup. If this man carried the load at home, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind paying for all the extras. However the resentment you are describing arises when you are the one both financially contributing more and carrying more of the non-financial load

Well then holidays and stuff should be split 2/3 to 1/3 too then! (or a similar split so he's contributing).

If you're forking out for all the family expenses, what's he spending his left over money on?

Does your OH contribute in other ways?

I'm also the higher earner and I pay for all holidays (otherwise we'd never go away) however there's no way my DH would keep the money in the scenario.

What a prince. We're all jealous.

I mean the brass neck when he's kept his hands wedged in his pockets the whole trip.

The compensation is the least of your problems.

Just read this after posting a reply. I'm in a similar situation and pay for all holiday's as I earn more however my DH comes on say 1 in 3 holidays that I go on.

The other holidays I go with just my DS. I want some holiday's all three of us but equally I'm not paying for them all. He does pay for a few things like dinner at the airport or airprot parking but I pay the bulk.

Would you go away just you and your DD?

You’ve been together 18 years and have a daughter together, yet you’re not behaving as a family. Separate finances don’t make sense once you have a child. Presuming he pulls his weight by working (even if he earns less than you) and doing an equal share around the house, money should go into one pot and all family expenses come from that. It doesn’t make sense to arrange things the way you have them.

Is he not contributing in other ways, OP? You sound quite resentful of him, which I can understand.

Agreed, there's a huge difference between a family with children using the money of the main earner and 2 partners with seperate finances..I got the impression you were very seperate. Either way he still needs to contribute his share to family holidays etc.

What are his redeeming features exactly? Most people wouldn’t be happy to have their DP pay for absolutely everything unless it’s a situation where one parent is a SAHP obviously or disabled/sick and can’t work. I can’t believe the tightwad wouldn’t even buy a coffee… Agree with others that he isn’t setting a good example for DD. Your partnership should be equal so unless you’re going to say he does almost all of the chores or something then…