Just had a friend hide from me!

[Nefrititi]

I was just on the way back from the school run, I live on a main road so people can park all along it.
A good friend of mine parks there as she gets a lift into work from someone who lives up the road from me.
As I’m pulling up on my drive I see her getting out of her car but I’m already passed her to beep to acknowledge her (she defo sees me at this point)
So as I’m reversing on my drive I see her cross over the road (she normally walks my side and we’ll wave or a quick chat)
Then as I’m reversing she hides behind a large van opposite so that I can’t see her as I’m parked facing the road!
So I waited in my car to see if she would emerge the other side of the van but she didn’t. It was so obvious!
The thing is I’m the last person to hold someone up or chat for ages (massive introvert) and she’s the opposite and absolutely loves a chat.
We are actually going on holiday together next Monday with 2 other girls (me and one of the girls are paying for it as a treat as the other 2 are financially struggling).
I know I can be really sensitive but that just really hurt this morning. Also was my birthday in March and I didn’t even get a card from the 2 girls.

Maybe it’s more about her - perhaps something is wrong or she was upset or whatever. I’d message and say ‘thought I saw you today over the road- wasn’t sure it was you but I waited to see if you fancied a chat! Are you okay? See you —- “ and leave it at that. She might have just had terrible news or something and couldn’t face anyone!

I’d find it really offensive if someone offered to pay for my holiday because they thought I was poor!!! 🙈 I think this says a lot about you tbh. It’s very condescending and would make me feel like you were treating me as a child…

I voted YABU - to pay for a holiday for people who DGAF about you and CBA to even say happy birthday. If she's hiding from you then at this point I'd consider the friendship over. I wonder if she's going to pull out of the holiday because she can't even afford spending money? So she's literally wasted your money by not going on the holiday you'd bought for her and is hiding rather than telling you to your face that she's not coming.

Does she owe you money for the holiday? Do you think she might bail at the 11th hour?
Are you sure she was hiding and stopped to check her phone etc?
I'd call her out on it by messaging a breezy text 'hi! Hope all is well? I saw you earlier and thought I'd say a quick hello once I knew you'd seen me but you didn't emerge from behind the van? Maybe we can catch up later to discuss the final parts of our holiday?'

I once had to call my next door neighbor. You can see into there kitchen from my kitchen window. I watched her pick up the phone, see who was calling and put the phone back down! 😳

You could speak to her and say the voucher is a favour for her, but if she ever wants to return the favour eg treat you to a meal out, when she has the money then you’d be happy to do that. It might make her feel less awkward and less of a charity case.

It is nuts but I have to say I have done similar the odd time when I was exhausted and depressed, actually I know things are going bad for me when I a) stay in the car at pick up b) avoid the shop I work in or c) physically avoid seeing anyone I know.

Agree with the holiday thing- definitely text

Edit my post to say offer this to the other two. They can then treat you and your cousin to a meal, bottomless brunch or whatever.

Nope, nope nope. That is way too wishywashy. You need to really call it out. Lance the boil. Get to the flamin point. I'd say something like;
'Is everything ok? I know you hid from me behind a van today, I saw it. You didn't make it half obvious. Have I done something to offend you? Are we still on for the trip?'

ETA You should it by text now because she may decide to dodge Saturday. Just lance it. Don't spend the next couple of weeks dancing around it. She needs to know that you know, and you'd like the truth.

momtoboys
I once had to call my next door neighbor. You can see into their kitchen from my kitchen window. I watched her pick up the phone, see who was calling and put the phone back down!

dh once didn’t answer his friend as the kids were acting up in the supermarket. His friend and his wife were there talking to me (I work on the till) and saw him look at the phone then put it away, dh’s friend laughed but his wife looked shocked. I couldn’t see him and didn’t realise why they hurried off until he told me. What made it worse was that I’d kept saying but he is definitely around here somewhere as they were going (dh’s friend was laughing and wasn’t mad after)

Maybe she just couldn't be bothered to say hi or chat. That's ok

Yeah but you'd say something like 'I'm in rush, sorry, seeya on Saturday.' You wouldn't hide behind a van! And especially make it so obvious.

My other friend and I paid for my best friend to come with us on holiday to the Algarve in 2012. We weren't being condescending at all, what absolute rubbish! All she needed was some spending money, we had a villa with a pool and plenty of room for her to come. She just couldn't afford it and was sad she couldn't go. My other friend and I discussed it and then made her the offer, she was over the moon and so were we, because she could come too. We'd already paid for the villa and the car hire. We just booked 3 flights and split it between the two of us. Flights were cheaper back then!

If I'm in a position to treat a good friend who isn't in such a good financial position, I will. I've been there in the past and it's my way of paying it forward. And it's what normal mates do if they can. (Unless the 'friend' is taking the piss obviously, then that's a totally different story!)

As I’ve said numerous times already, she thinks it’s an unused travel voucher so it’s not costing me anything! I wouldn’t dream of being condescending to anyone let alone a friend.
And what does it say about me exactly as a person?? Such a weird thing to say

This was booked ages ago (almost a year in the planning) and things were great. As Insaid she did wish me a happy birthday but not a card (which I don’t care about but know that for other people a huge effort would be made)
I suspect she/they will try and pull out due to money which is fine if they say it sooner rather than later as we can take others with us instead.

I hope you’re not paying for anything for them you are away as she’s not your real friend.

I wondered about this.

Nothing personal but some days you can’t be arsed

Yes, I'm echoing the maybe not about you comments.

And maybe not anything as awful as a suicide or waiting for an affair partner etc, but there could be so many things you wouldn't dream of that make someone not want to stop and speak. I had this once at school pick up. A good friend literally walked past and said to me "talk some other time" in a steely voice, and several mums I was with gave visible winces. Turned out when we caught up properly she had just accidentally dropped her baby that morning, got it together for school pick up but was scared she'd burst into tears if I asked how she was getting on.

Or she might just have a bout of foul flatulence ... could be anything.

Just wait and see how the next meeting goes.

She does know though doesn’t she, because, if it were a real scenario, you would have said ‘we have a voucher so we can reduce the cost per person by x amount.’ It’s still clear that you are covering their entire cost.

Oh for goodness sake if it bothers you you need to say something, and it's only going to bother you even more on holiday!

Someone once did this to me . I had no idea. I had big sunglasses on and though they’d seen me, I had no idea 🤷‍♀️

just text her and check she's ok.

hey Petunia, just wanted to check everything is ok? saw you this morning and you normally stop for a chat so just checking in. see you Saturday.

Maybe it's absolutely nothing about you why she hid, you have no idea why she may not want/be able to deal with you. Maybe she'd just been told something awful, you truly have no idea.
You're taking it very personally.

Tbh I'd feel a bit "hounded" - or even scolded - if I got this. I'd just let it go and see if she is normal next time OP.